Sports

Mike Rosenberg’s Hilarious Deflate-Gate Story Is Patriots Porn

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Check out our stuff on GoLocalWorcester

 

When I first heard about “deflate-gate” I assumed it was a joke. I’m not even kidding, I thought someone was just fucking with me. I figured it was just the soccer Moms we found the other day. But as this goes on more and more IDIOTS are actually listening to a dumbass theory the New England Patriots purposely deflated footballs in order to have an advantage in their win over the Indianapolis Colts. They needed every advantage they can get, so I guess it makes sense right? After all, the Patriots only beat them by a billion points. Just ask Sports Illustrated’s  Michael Rosenberg, who wrote the most hilarious whiny article about the Patriots winning in the history of jealous, whiny Patriots hating articles.

This guy was the ultimate champion of idiocy in the wake of deflate-gate. Take ten minutes out of your day to read this hilarious piece of yellow journalism. I’m not gonna pick his whole article apart because that would take all day. But check out some of the hilarious highlights.

“There are well-founded whispers in the NFL that the underlings who supply towels in the visiting locker room sometimes run back to the home locker room to share what they heard.”

Oh snap!! He cracked the case!! “Well-founded whispers!!!” If that’s not a smoking gun then I don’t know what is. Well done gumshoe!!

10924693_965308120197507_7884859143692898519_n

And just in case you thought that John Harbaugh was the only loser embarrassing himself by whining about not knowing the rules, our boy Rosenberg here let him know he wasn’t alone:

It is customary for coaches to run usual trick plays past the league office during the week, to make sure everything is on the up-and-up. Belichick didn’t do that. Right before the game, he told referee Bill Vinovich he would declare certain players as ineligible receivers. This put Vinovich in the difficult position of deciding, with no notice, if he should tell the great Bill Belichick he was trying something illegal. Technically, what Belichick suggested is legal. Vinovich OK’d it. But the key to the plan was what Belichick did not say. He did not say he would hurry up his offense when he declared certain receivers ineligible, giving the Ravens no time to adjust to the tactic. The Ravens barely had time to see who was eligible before the ball was snapped. The officials couldn’t even get into proper position. They allowed the ball to be snapped too quickly.

HAHAHHAHAHHA. I seriously can’t stop laughing. I love it. I fucking LOVE it. That’s it? That’s the best you got? It’s not fair because the ref didn’t tell Harbaugh about Belichick’s game plan? BWWWAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA. It’s no fair because even though he was playing by the rules, he didn’t give the Ravens enough time to get their heads out of their ass? He used a hurry up offense instead of letting the Ravens set up their defense? BWWWHAHAHHAHAHHAHA. Priceless, absolutely priceless.

10403161_936817269684578_3412966241438250530_n

Coaches are onto this trick now. That is why, no matter what the NFL’s rules committee does this spring, Belichick probably won’t use the tactic anymore. Refs won’t let the Pats declare receivers ineligible and hurry up like that again. But it doesn’t matter. Belichick won his way, and now he can look for another advantage.

So let me get this straight. This idiot is mad because Belichick is so fucking good at his job, and knows the rules so fucking well, that the NFL doesn’t have enough time to change the rules so that he can use them to his advantage?? HAHAHHAHAHAHA. And next year Belichick will find new and ingenuitive ways to beat teams……and this is not fair?? HAHAHHAHHAHAHA.

10922466_995713735084_6866238992911486331_n

On one end of Gillette Stadium is a lighthouse, the stadium’s signature architectural feature. But if you sit behind the opposite end zone and look at the lighthouse, you will notice something else: An enormous television beyond the lighthouse, in the parking lot. Officially, this allows people in the parking lot to watch TV. Is it a coincidence that you can see that TV from the Patriots’ sideline, but not from the opposing sideline, making it easier for the Patriots to watch replays and decide whether to throw the challenge flag?

Ah-hah!!! We’ve found the culprit – big screen TV’s and a lighthouse. I seriously feel bad for this guy now. This is humiliating, absolutely humiliating. He probably regrets writing this so much right now, because he sounds like such a gigantic pussy. And I hardly ever use that word, but he is a pussy extroardinaire and now he has to OWN what he said. That’s the worst part. He printed this!!! It’s on the internet FOREVER!! BWWWAHAHAHAHHA. Some day he’s going to have to explain to his kids that instead of embracing the greatest dynasty in NFL history he whined about the way a stadium was constructed around a lighthouse and a big screen TV. I can’t wait for next week’s article about how Seattle and Kansas City cheated too because they made their stadiums too loud. It’s not fair – opponents can’t hear each other.

10933802_10204860115816325_8823748214608155102_n

Don’t even get mad. That’s my advice to Patriots fans. Because this was going to happen no matter what. If you’re not immune to it by now then you’re not a real Patriots fan. Under no circumstances can the Patriots ever win a game fairly. That’s a fact of life for professional trolls like Mike Rosenberg. Just sit back and enjoy the fact that there’s a reason they’re doing this. It BOGGLES THEIR MIND that the Patriots can win EVERY FUCKING YEAR like this. Doesn’t make any sense. Because it seems to good to be true. But we all know it’s because we have the greatest coach, quarterback, tight end, and cornerback in NFL history. Going to the Super Bowl is what we do. We take it for granted. You can’t underestimate the butthurt this causes across this great land of ours. Sit back and enjoy the hilarity of it all while we control our raging Patriots pants tent for the next two weeks.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Check out our stuff on GoLocalWorcester

3 Comment(s)
  • November 19, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Thanks for the marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it,
    you could be a great author. I will remember to bookmark your blog and will eventually
    come back someday. I want to encourage you to definitely
    continue your great work, have a nice holiday weekend!

  • Finnish Goalie
    January 21, 2015 at 8:36 am

    Well, I look forward to the new blog entry when 11/12 of the balls ruled under-inflated.

    So, now that it is documented by the NFL, the question is, is it a Patriot only infraction? Unlikely as they have the audio of the Green Bay/Pats game in which they state Rodgers likes the balls to have above normal PSI.

    And so, here is an unwritten rule of the players and coaches knowing this goes on, and allowing it because they each want their QBs to be as comfortable as possible with the ball, and Indy blew the whistle on it because they were run over.

    It’s interesting to imagine what is going on behind closed coaching doors now and what they really think since Indy brought this to national attention.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    January 21, 2015 at 3:03 am

    I can’t wait for the ridiculous excuse Pete Carroll is going to cook up in two weeks when we’ve fucking roasted the Seahawks.

    And, did anyone else wonder if Harbaugh cried deception when Seattle pulled that fake field goal on Sunday? Because I did. But he probably didn’t because it wasn’t him looking stupid on national television.

Comment on this Post

RELATED POSTS
Who Did A Better Job Of Cheating: Jason Kidd or Mike Tomlin?
Cleveland Browns Backup QB Is Best Kept Freak Show In NFL
Priceless Fan Reactions to Alabama-Auburn Game As BCS Fails Again In It’s Final Season