Milky Mike Gaffney Adding Onto Lawsuit Against Turtleboy: Says Blog Make Him Gain Weight, Can’t Sleep, Sad, Dizzy, And Has Muscle Pains Because He Can’t Eat

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Milky Mike Gaffney just can’t stop embarrassing himself. Last week he added a bunch of amendments to his hilarious “lawsuit” against Turtleboy Sports for libel and fraud, because he claims we lied about how many page views we got, and we didn’t endorse him in an election in which he had dropped out of. Obviously Bill Shaner LIVES to write about Turtleboy because we own his brain, and Worcester Magazine was the first to report about the amendments:

Former Councilor-at-Large Mike Gaffney tacked on two charges to his fraud and libel lawsuit against Turtleboy Sports: intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

“That ongoing use of numerous fake Facebook profiles (sic), the Defendants have engaged in callow, capricious, name calling and disparagement of the Plaintiff for the purposes of causing the Plaintiff emotional distress,” the complaint reads.

“That ongoing use of numerous fake Facebook profiles (sic), the Defendants have engaged in callow, capricious, name calling and disparagement of the Plaintiff for the purposes of causing the Plaintiff emotional distress,” the complaint reads. Gaffney said in the lawsuit that “Turtleboy” as a writer for the blog, keeps a spreadsheet to “track and manage” his various fake Facebook profiles. There are numerous fake accounts tied to Turtleboy Sports, most prevalent being Clarence Woods Emerson. No account names were listed in the lawsuit.

Oh snap!! Fake Facebook pages are causing poor Milky Mike “emotional distress.” Not the fact that he’s a weak, triggered little snowflake who can’t stand the thought of his favorite blog not endorsing him in an election he had already dropped out of. It’s because we apparently use fake Facebook pages. He’s very emotional!!

Both counts of infliction of emotional distress reference the article and, in particular, the line “Anyway, we’re in Gaffney’s brain now too.” Gaffney said the line shows Turtleboy’s malicious intent to cause distress.

This is amazing. He apparently thinks that we don’t have the right to write about him even though he’s a former elected official who is suing us. He’s gone mad!! Funny because Milky Mike was 1,000% on board when we ripped on his enemies (because he had no friends) like Joe Petty and Sarai Rivera. He used to love and share every blog we wrote about Petty, even ones that had this meme:

Yet they never sued us, because they’re smart enough to understand how the First Amendment works. But now that Milky Mike’s on the receiving end of it it hurts his feelz. In other words, Sarai Rivera is more of a man than he is. 

Here’s the best part:

Gaffney said as a result of the post, he “experienced a multitude of emotional distresses, including shock, stress, sadness, anger, anxiety, anguish and depression.”

“Such distress has resulted in an inability to sleep, loss of appetite and fluctuation in weight, headaches, muscle pain, and dizziness.”

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! What. A. Pussy. I am truly embarrassed for him. Turtle riders who were on the fence about who to side with on this one kind of have no choice at this point. This is humiliating. He is the embodiment of everything we make fun of and rip on. He’s experiencing “sadness” because of the blog. Ya got that? We gave our opinion about him and it made him sad, therefore he’s suing us. 

Oh, and he’s depressed. Even though he admitted to his mistress a long, long time ago that he was depressed. If you’d like we can use those messages in court Mike. Do you really want us to do that? Why are you making us put you through this? Stop the fight!!

And just to top it off he cannot sleep or eat as a result of the blog, and he’s getting headaches, muscle pains, dizziness, and his weight is fluctuating like crazy!! Hey, Mike, here’s a idea – go for a jog or do some sit ups. 

Or make Coreen take pictures of you lifting weights in the basement again:

(Was this before or after she moved in with her parents?)

Here’s an idea Mike. If you’re really getting sick and can’t eat because of us, just drop your silly lawsuit. It doesn’t matter to us because you’re not gonna win and it will be a pleasure defending our undefeated streak in court and adding you to the Turlteboy graveyard. You know we’re not gonna stop embarrassing you. You know our right to do so is protected by the First Amendment. You know all of this because you were a supporter and reader of the blog for so long. So why are you making us do this to you? Why are you doing things that will lead to more blogs and make you an even bigger joke than you already are? Stop making yourself dizzy!!

He also added this:

The amended complaint also pads the libel charge with new evidence. In the post written after Gaffney filed the lawsuit, Turtleboy wrote that Gaffney had sold his condo on Illinois Street and moved to Boco Vista, Florida. A simple Google search, Gaffney wrote, would have shown that there is no town called Boco Vista in Florida. Gaffney also said that his wife, Coreen Gaffney, had not sold the Illinois Street condo. He said a “simple review of the Worcester Registry of Deeds” would have shown the condo hasn’t been sold.

“At the time of the publications, the Defendants knew the articles to be false or published them with reckless disregard of its truth or falsity.”

Yup. He’s suing us because we spelt Boca Vista wrong. He lives in BocA Vista, not BocO Vista. Therefore it’s libel. A lawyer actually is stupid enough to believe this. It’s official – he’s insane ladies and gentlemen. He needs serious, psychological help. 

And for what it’s worth a simple search of 21 Illinois Street #105 shows that the condo has been sold and an offer has been accepted:



According to one site he’s also a moron for investing over $60,000 into it:


Hope you feel better Mikey boy!!

42 Comment(s)
  • Turtleboy is going down
    January 21, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    You won’t be around much longer, I can promise you that

    • FFS
      January 21, 2018 at 9:21 pm

      …said the homo.

  • Gaffney Owns TurtleBoy's Head!!!
    January 17, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    You seem to be extremely vocal about Gaffney, but if it REALLY didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t be putting in the effort to blog about him?

    Seems like Gaffney owns your brain!!! Good luck with that dipshit!!!!

    • Waahmbulance
      January 18, 2018 at 12:48 pm

      There’s no way anybody is going to figure out that you’re Gaffney, Gaffney. Your secret is safe with us.

      As for running to the grownups to tell them Turtleboy is picking on you, you’ll probably get even more fat knowing that even we wouldn’t fuck your wife with Hitler’s dick and Satan pushing.

  • Pathetic Wretch!!!
    January 17, 2018 at 12:13 pm

    Keep on whining, TurtleFucker!!! As long as Gaffney wants to pursue this you’re still fucked, having to spend time, energy, and money, on your defense! Quite frankly, I hope he wins! You’re an arrogant dick, CONSTANTLY proclaiming how great you are! You’re a shitstain on society, just as bad as the people you blog about!

    How is the TurtleBoySports app going? Do you have that in the iOS, or Google Play stores yet?

    When might we expect that to happen?

    How is the website doing? You know, the one LOADED with crap ads and popups?

    Just wondering, fucker!

    • Confuse-ius
      January 17, 2018 at 5:29 pm

      Confuse-ius say:

      “Man who live in glass house should not talk about Turtlefucker-san while admitting to fucking a fat rodent like Gaffney’s wife.”

      • LMMFAO
        January 17, 2018 at 5:30 pm

        ^ This

        funniest freakin post evah

    • Sveska the Norwegian Herdsman
      January 17, 2018 at 5:36 pm

      Hi Pathetic Wretch –

      Please see post entitled “The Turtleboy App Is Now Available In The Apple Store And Available On All Mobile Devices.”

      Kisses, hugs, kittens and rainbows,

      Sveska the Norwegian Herdsman.

      P.S. Your wife loves huge Teutonic cock, like mine. 🙂

      • Shaking My Head at Sveska!
        January 18, 2018 at 11:14 am

        🙂 You’re delusionally funny 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!

        I just love your response, having to resort to crude, low-brow “humor” (if you want to call it that!). Speaks volumes to your overall intelligence level.

        Good luck with your blue-collar, broom pushing, job!

        • Touche' sez you
          January 18, 2018 at 12:39 pm

          Your overall intelligence level is hallmarked by that interaction with the trollest troll that ever trolled. You are a new level of mentally vacant toolbox.

          Good luck with your under-60,000-a-year disposable job! 🙂

  • Cosmo
    January 17, 2018 at 11:43 am

    I’m gonna ask Morty Seinfeld to give Mike a ride around Boca Vista in his Caddie to cheer him up.

  • itsjustme
    January 16, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    He described all the same symptoms I have, it’s called getting older. I’m surprised he didn’t add hair loss to his complaint too.

  • Big Tits On Skinny Women
    January 16, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Most TBS stories fall into this category…

  • Frogshit
    January 16, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    He only rode the Turtle for 7.5 seconds. Gotta’ go the whole 8 Mikey….

  • JizzMasterB
    January 16, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    I’m thinking this is a PR stunt. TB & Gaffney are both failures and this reeks of a last-ditch effort for some press.

  • BlackandWhite
    January 16, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    TurtleBoy does not have anything to do with the willpower of how much food goes into MG’s piehole. Gimme a break. MG can’t be that fragile for gawd sakes.

    • hate
      January 16, 2018 at 4:42 pm

      it’s just lawyer words… fancylike way to have the lawsuit make a dent in his enemy

      • True Reality Speaks
        Why is E Boyler Hiding Now?
        January 17, 2018 at 9:56 pm

        You can’t hide, retail boy.

        • hate
          January 18, 2018 at 6:47 am


          you’re insane

  • Hughbo Mont
    January 16, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Gaffney must be running from something.

    • FFS
      January 16, 2018 at 3:36 pm

      Maybe he got Lasik and finally saw what his wife looks like naked.

      I’d go through the wall like a fuckin’ cartoon.

    January 16, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    I agree with him suing you, I in-fact hope more sue you. You are all mentally unstable sociopaths who think your deplorable blogs are hysterical. GET A LIFE.

    • Rick Shaw
      Rick Shaw
      January 16, 2018 at 3:02 pm

      Hahaha. Most likely one of the pieces of trash Turtleboy calls out. Go jam a needle in your arm. Don’t worry, us law abiding taxpayers will front the cost of the Narcan when the police find you passed out at the wheel of your car with your fuck trophies in the back seat.

    • Hughbo Mont
      January 16, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      Somebody needs a safe space. Pro tip: Dont read the blogs.

    • FFS
      January 16, 2018 at 3:34 pm


      Yeah, we’re really afraid of some cunt who spells “your” like a 12 year old girl.

    • mitch
      January 16, 2018 at 6:41 pm

      sociopaths are people who literally don’t have a conscious. they just don’t care or have “empathy”. turtle riders care. the whole object of shaming shows that we care enough to get that person to CHANGE their behavior. people who object to that are virtue signaling which most people find VILE. Finn is known to be rather rude especially to virtue signalers like yourself but Finn seems to really care. i have politely asked Finn to tone it down a bit but i have to agree with finn’s assessment and repeat….GET FUCKED !!

      • True Reality Speaks
        The Final Word
        January 17, 2018 at 9:52 pm

        Finn’s a snowflake, a poseur, and a virtue signaler of the highest order. Probably some middle school dropout who delusionally fancies himself a Kerouac or Hunter Thompson wannabe. Only thing remotely amusing or interesting is that he has managed to get a few imposters and admirers that are even bigger tools than him – and watching the battle for the lowest common denominator that ensues. It’s almost as much fun as watching CNN or MSNBC.

    • Kerri Bishop
      January 19, 2018 at 3:58 pm

      What are the chances the above poster used the word deplorable before the last election? Why are people so quick to jump on every new grammar trend??

  • Big Baby
    January 16, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    I’ve been watching this site which was one of my favorites slowly decline over the past couple of years but ever since this ‘Finn’ person has flooded every comment section it has really become a shithole.

    • Finn
      January 16, 2018 at 2:48 pm

      Awwww — Big Baby — put your big panties on and get lost.

      • Big Baby
        January 16, 2018 at 3:43 pm

        I don’t mind that you comment about a blog Finn. What’s really annoying is that you comment about every comment that any commentor makes. That’s way to many comments. I get it that you’re insecure and feel the need to be noticed but sheesh, let others have an opinion.

        • Finn
          January 16, 2018 at 3:49 pm

          You do realize others use my handle “Finn”? I can’t control it nor I don’t care (it’s actually pretty funny).

          It doesn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother you. I. don’t. care.

          Feel better?

          That being said, I will comment whenever I please.

          Get Fucked,

        • Finn
          January 21, 2018 at 7:56 pm

          I will suck your dick and make you feel better

          Get sucked,

    • itsjustme
      January 16, 2018 at 10:14 pm

      I look forward to Finn’s commentary,they are hysterical. He should be a TB writer.

      • January 17, 2018 at 8:16 am

        I didn’t friggin lie! Neeko backed me up! He heard it spoken even though it was a night game and Niko had attended a day game. BUT STILL! I didn’t lie!

        More standing ovations!

        • True Reality Speaks
          Hairy Turkish Lesbian
          January 17, 2018 at 9:39 pm

          You can’t hide, poseur.

      • Finn
        January 21, 2018 at 7:58 pm

        You earned yourself free blowjob xoxox

        Cum in my mouth,

  • January 16, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    This lawsuit is one of the worst decisions I’ve ever seen anyone make. Come on, Mike, get a shred of self-awareness, realize how you look to reasonable people. Like an absolute buffoon spiraling into some sort of self-destructive train-wreck. Stop calling your lawyer, start calling your shrink. That said, I’d like to offer an alternate theory, that Mike is not just a pathetic sore loser, but he’s a vengeful little fuck. So the lawsuit has nothing to do with the merits, it was filed in the hopes that Gaffney could discover, and reveal, the names of primary TB contributors as “payback” for whatever it is Gaffney thinks they did to him.

  • Finn
    January 16, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    He’s gaining weight and feeling blue? Turn that frown upside down.

    Let’s go hang like brahs. We’ll get some Fro Yo (all the toppings you want). Get manis and pedis (trust me – you’ll feel *tons* better). Then we’ll go bra shopping. Macy’s is having a huge sale on Heidi Klum bras (even the ones you can wear under tanks tops).

    Hands you a tissue,

  • chrissy
    January 16, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    I’m going to have to be on Mr. Gaffney’s side here.

    I two have been the victim of people using multiple fake I.D.’s including my own name and it is unsettling and hurtful to the point where I’ve been overeating.

    • not chrissy
      January 16, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      blueberry picking is dope!

    • Linda
      January 16, 2018 at 8:58 pm


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