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Missouri LB Michael Sam Reveals He’s Gay: Should NFL Teams Stay Away From Drafting Him?

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When Missouri defensive lineman/linebacker Michael Sam announced yesterday that he was gay, two months before the NFL draft, I didn’t think it was worth writing about. After all, I thought, this is 2014, so everyone’s pretty much gonna be cool with this. Turns out I completely overestimated the nudnikery of American society.

First of all, newsflash to Michael Sam – according to Buffalo/St. Bonaventure fans, Tom Brady has been the first openly gay player in the NFL for the last 15 years. Alright, I guess since he has a supermodel wife and three children of his own spawning, the he doesn’t count.

Nonetheless, I really can’t believe what I’m hearing from people on Facebook, who I would normally consider to be not moronic. They’re basically echoing what several “anonymous” NFL executives have said about the player in Peter King’s MMQB, who up until now was projected as a 3rd or 4th round draft pick.

Here’s some of the logic of these geniuses:

“It’s still a man’s-man game. To call somebody a fag is still commonplace.”

First of all, there is nothing gay about calling football a “man’s-man game.” Nothing at all. Secondly though, this has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. Ya see, calling people “fags” is common place in an NFL locker room. Therefore Michael Sam should’ve repressed who he was, because after all, you don’t want to disrupt the meatheads in NFL locker rooms who relish calling everyone fags. Because appeasing bigoted neanderthals is exactly what American freedom is all about. Sure, you could just tell the players to quit being assclowns and act like professionals. Sure, you could tell them that any sort of anti-gay behavior on their parts won’t be tolerated and will be considered insubordination. But that would be way too simple. Instead it’s Michael Sam’s job to hide who he is, not other people’s job to respect their fellow man.

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Another executive in Peter King’s column posed this really insightful question:

“If you knowingly bring someone into an NFL locker room with that sexual orientation, how are the other guys going to deal with it?”

They’re probably going to deal with it just fine. Newsflash to all you people worried about the inevitable gay man in the shower situation – Michael Sam is not going to be busy checking out every dude and plotting his next gay conquest. He’s going to be using his man sponge and babe sauce to cleanse his disgusting body after playing the most violent game on earth for 60 minutes. That’s it.

He also came out to his teammates at Missouri a long time ago, and just look at the awful effects it had – all Missouri did this season was make the SEC title game (over Alabama), win a BCS game, and elect Michael Sam their captain and MVP. But yea, please tell me more about how much trouble NFL players are going to have dealing with this giant distraction. Because if a bunch of 18-22 year old college kids are cool with it, then NFL players obviously should be too right?

Not according to the anonymous NFL executives…

“I think it’s going to affect most locker rooms. A lot of guys will be uncomfortable.”

Let’s see what some NFL players had to say about him coming out of the closet and the horrible impact it’s going to have on their team…

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What about the NFL’s biggest meathead? What did he think?

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Yea sorry to break it to you “anonymous” NFL executives, but if Richie Incognito is cool with a gay player, then there’s nothing to worry about. So even IF the unsubstantiated belief that drafting this guy will make everyone uncomfortable is true, would it have a detrimental impact on the team? Hmmmm let’s take a look at how “distractions” have effected their teams recently

Sure Aaron Hernandez killed five million people and the Patriots sill made the AFC Championship game.

Sure Aldon Smith got arrested a bunch of times and missed half the season when he was in rehab. Look at the terrible effects it had on the 49ers. All they did was make the NFC Championship game, and nearly the Super Bowl.

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And how about the Eagles? Our man Riley Cooper thought it wise to call the only black people at a Kenny Chesney the “n” word on a video that went viral. He played wide receiver on a team with a black quarterback who had served time in federal prison for running a dog fighting ring. The quarterback’s brother put a bounty out on Cooper’s head too, all before the season even began and Chip Kelly ever coached his first game. This affected the team so much that they won the NFC East and Cooper was an integral part of it.

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I’m seeing this type of idiotic statement a lot as well:

“Why does he have to announce he’s gay? Who cares? Keep your personal life to yourself. All I care about is what you do on the football field.”

If you see anyone on your Facebook page saying something like this, then please do society a favor and call them to shut the f*** up. Why does he have to announce he’s gay? Ummm, maybe because it’s not something you can see by looking at him. Maybe because he doesn’t want to have to think twice about bringing his boyfriend to team events? Maybe because he’s about to enter a league where Chris Culliver feels free to say stuff like this:

“I don’t do the gay guys. I don’t do that. We ain’t got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up out here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff. … Nah, can’t be … in the locker room, man. Gotta come out 10 years after that.”

But yea, Chris Culliver is right and Michael Sam is wrong.

According to Herm Edwards, Sam is comparable to a “player with off the field issues […] he’s bringing baggage into your locker room.”

Right. Apparently “baggage” means reporters are gonna ask you a bunch of stupid questions about who you’re sleeping with. The only baggage that Herm Edwards knows about is the box he has to use after getting fired from yet another NFL coaching job.

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Then there’s comments like this:

“I’d love to see someone proclaim, “I’m straight!” and see how far that lead balloon takes off in our namby-pamby society.”

“My first thought was why is this news and why he felt compelled to make it an issue. 
When I go on a job interview, the first words out of my mouth are not ‘I’m heterosexual’.

Right. That’s like a white player on the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947 saying, “I’m white. Big deal.”

These people are obviously wicked smart. Us straight people have it really hard. Sure, being a heterosexual is what people ASSUME you are right off the bat, but don’t let that get in the way of a nonsensical rant about the oppressed heterosexuals worldwide.

Or how about this argument?

“i personally could care less but for me, i’d rather they kept it to themselves without all the headlines as most do. could have outed himself when his career was over. who cares.”

First of all, Hannah Gordon frowns upon your grammar sir. Attention all you gays, this guy doesn’t have a problem with you, he just wants you to keep your gayness where he doesn’t have to hear about it. Repress who you are around your teammates throughout your career because this guy doesn’t wanna hear about it.

So where will Michael Sam be drafted? Most had him as a 3rd or 4th round draft pick. He doesn’t have crazy speed (4.75 in the 40), and he’s a bit undersized to play on the defensive line (6’2″ 250). But he is the best defensive player in the best conference known to man. Some are now saying that he won’t be drafted. Here’s where the past 10 SEC defensive players of the year have been drafted:

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So yea. If this guy doesn’t get drafted it’s just proof that NFL executives don’t have the balls to tell the players they employ that they need to stop being neanderthals or find employment elsewhere.

The question is, should Bill Belichick draft him? The answer to that is a big “no.” In case you haven’t seen the Patriots have plenty of slow linebackers who can’t defend the pass. If he was 6’4″ and ran a 4.6 then we’d have a lot more reason to go get this guy. Most likely what ends up happening is some progressive city with a new age coach will end up getting good value on him in the late rounds of the draft. Unfortunately for the NFL that is the definition of Pete Carroll’s Seattle Seahawks. Most likely he drafts this guy, gets him all roided up, and becomes just the latest 6th round draft pick to lead them to a Super Bowl.

I’ll end with this. For years now the LBG community has been promoting the “No H8” and “It Gets Better” campaigns for young gay people. But what if Michael Sam gets drafted by the Detroit Lions? That’s when his problems really begin, and unfortunately for him, it doesn’t actually get any better.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Joey G
    February 10, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    I wonder if the NFL paid him to wait until now to announce this. Remember that the NFL had been out of the news for SIX WHOLE DAYS when this happened, and a few whole seconds may have passed in which they weren’t generating revenue. Plus, with the Olympics, someone… somewhere in this country may have been talking about another sport. Goodell, Allen, Kraft, et al could not handle such a thing.

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