Sports

Montreal Canadiens Fans Crying About the Boston Bruins, Counting Down The Hours Until Puck Drop

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Montreal Canadiens are the most dislikable team in all of sports. I hate them with a passion that simply blows away my distaste for the Yankees, the Heat, the Lakers, the Steelers, the Colts, the Penguins and every other team in every other sport combined. They are the absolute worst of the worst. Their organization. What they stand for. Their players. Their fans. Their media. Everything about them is vile and offensive.

Let’s start with the city of Montreal. Being from Worcester, Montreal is the place to go for bachelor party’s. That’s because their economy completely revolves around lap dances. If you’re an unemployed stripper with no self esteem and no money, then go to Montreal because they’re hiring.

Aside from the Mom and Pop strip clubs with shady Lebanese dudes out front trying to keep you from going to the rival strip club next door, Montreal is the most useless place on earth. It truly, truly sucks there. I’ve gotten dragged up there for twice, and when you do anything that involves going out and engaging and interacting with real human beings, you will hate life.

The people there are the absolute worst. That’s because Montreal combines two of the worst types of people on God’s green earth – Canadians and the French. Every dooshnozzle who goes out to the bars there dresses like they’re going out to the hottest discoteque in Prague. You know those bars you try to stay away from in Boston because they turn into Eurotrash havens filled with people who wanna spend their entire pay checks on a bunch of girl drinks while they stand in silence and listen to house music? Yea, those are what dive bars are like in Montreal.

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Truly terrible.

The second you arrive in the province of Quebec you don’t feel like you’re in Canada at all. First of all, there’s no easy way to get to Montreal. They don’t have a real interstate highway system like we do. So you drive five hours through parts of Vermont you never knew existed, before arriving at the border. After getting by the jackass mounty who cops a few feels before letting you go through, you will be on a single lane road for approximately two hours. You will pass farm, after farm, after trailer park, after farm. It’s like driving through Mississippi, except worse.

You will likely think that you are lost too. Isn’t this supposed to be Canada you will ask yourself? Where are those Maple Leaf Canadian flags I’ve heard so much about? You’ll drive, and drive and drive and never see one. But you’ll notice that you keep seeing these monstrosities:

flag_quebecAt first I thought it was some kind of gang sign. Or maybe it was the Canadian boy scouts. Or the Vietcong. But apparently it’s the flag of the provence of Quebec. Because for whatever reason they speak French in Quebec and the rest of Canada is just cool with that. Picture that happening in America. Would the people of California ever let the official language of that state become Spanish? Nope. Because Americans actually have pride in their country, before pride in their state. Well, unless you’re one of those idiots from Georgia who thinks the Confederate flag is some sort of “southern pride” thing.

And then there’s the Canadiens’ fans. They are the rare combination of whining dandies and uncaged animals wrapped into one. I would rock my Red Sox jersey in Yankee stadium any day of the week. Some idiot in the bleachers will throw a taco at you, but ultimately you’re not in grave danger. I would never even CONTEMPLATE wearing a Bruins jersey to the Bell Centre. These people have nothing except for their crappy hockey team. They will literally kill you for it and think nothing of it.

The weird part is they have ZERO problem with the fact that their team has found a way to turn hockey into soccer. There is no fan base in all of sports who is prouder to call their team a bunch of divers than Montreal. Hockey is a tough, manly game. Except in Montreal. They are proud to do whatever it takes to avoid fights and physicality in general. Don’t listen to me though, just look at what their fans are saying:

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Translation – the Bruins will beat the shit out of everyone on our roster not named P.K. Subban. The game plan is to cheap shot them and run away. That’s disciplined Montreal hockey right there. That’s how you build a winning hockey team that fans can get behind!!

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Yea stop picking on us. We don’t wanna fight you guys. Can’t you just let us dance around the ice? Why do you have to hit us so hard? We’re the best team in hockey, especially when the other team doesn’t play defense or hit us. That’s the way hockey is SUPPOSED to be played!!

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Yea, fights are dumb.

Did I mention that Montreal has the most unlikeable player in hockey? Max Pacioretty. He was a big reason why I couldn’t root hard for team USA this Olympics. Guy is the proverbial turd in the punch bowl. He’s not from Montreal but he’s adapted to their dandy way of life pretty quickly.

Remember when Zdeno Chara legally checked Pacioretty into the stanchion in 2011? They sure do in Montreal. To us it was your basic hockey move. To them it was a declaration of war:

So supposedly Pacioretty was devastated by that hit. Probably because Chara is a human monster, who Pacioretty willingly suited up against. The NHL of course didn’t suspend Chara since it was a completely legal hit. Either way here’s Pacioretty’s version of what happened.

For Pacioretty’s part, he could not remember the incident, but after seeing tape said that he was ‘disgusted’ that there was no fine or suspension. About two months later, he said that he thought Chara regretted his actions and that he forgave him.

Pacioretty told TSN he was “upset and disgusted” that the league had not suspended Chara. “I’m not mad for myself, I’m mad because if other players see a hit like that and think it’s OK, they won’t be suspended, then other players will get hurt like I got hurt,” he said.

Wahhhhhhhh!!!! It takes a special kind of dooshnozzle to not be completely embarrassed by this turd. He couldn’t remember the incident? Bullshit. You remember every second of that pancake, you just WISH you couldn’t remember it. And you forgive Chara? That’s cute. Seriously, it boggles my mind how anyone can root for a chump like this and look at themselves in the mirror.

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Here’s the league’s rationale for not suspending Chara:

Speaking after a U.S. congressional panel discussion in Washington about encouraging American kids to play hockey, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said Pacioretty’s injury is horrific, but it’s part of the game. He also said most concussions and head injuries this year have been from accidents or players falling — rather than as the result of hits.

Ya got that? Players falling. That will happen when your fall back play is the 42 dive. Part. Of. The. Game.

And to make matters worse, idiot fans actually called 911 and tied up emergency services to report Chara. Some idiots started complaining that Chara should be arrested and there was an actual, real investigation. With real cops and everything!! Because the Montreal Canadiens’ play reflects the culture of the city they play in. When everyone from your metropolis is a whiny little naniburger, your players are gonna play like whiny little naniburgers. In Boston we’re tough and blue-collar, and so is our hockey team.

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Oh and Pacioretty was completely roasted by Mark Recchi after that:

Recchi also discussed Pacioretty’s message on Twitter from March 14, which was six days after the hit. In it, Pacioretty shared that he had just seen the movie Hall Pass. “We’re very thankful that he is OK and he’s getting better,” Recchi said. “We know he was [tweeting] at a movie four or five days later. Obviously, if you have a concussion, a bad concussion like they said, you’re not going to be in a movie [theater].

Yea, nice try Maxie Boy. I mean, this is hockey. I’ve watched every series in this playoffs, and besides the Montreal-Tampa Bay series, they’ve been fantastic. Good, physical play with equal amount of penalties for both teams. The Montreal sweep of course was largely due to a 13-7 power play differential. Because in Montreal, THAT is part of the game. Physicality is frowned upon.

Guess what state Max Pacioretty is from? Did you guess Connecticut? Of course you did. Where else would a Nancy Boy like that emanate from? Probably the most predictable question you will ever see on TurtleBoy Sports.

You know what else is funny about Montreal fans? They say WE are the divers:

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Yea, Marchand is a weasel that’s for sure. But he’d still kick Pacioretty’s ass…..if Maxie would actually fight him. Chara though? I don’t get the hating on Big Z. He’s like the nicest dude. Doesn’t fight anyone because he knows it’s not fair. He’s never been suspended, he’s highly respected in the league. Basically they just hate him because he’s tall. Sounds like bullying. TurtleBoy Sports is a family blog – we frown upon bullying!!

And it’s not exactly a secret that Montreal is a bunch of diving Euro-weenies. Everyone in the league knows it. It’s typical. Just ask Peter Laviolette:

Then there were these comments:

Screen Shot 2014-04-30 at 10.11.36 PMScreen Shot 2014-04-30 at 10.18.53 PMThey all write like that. Must be a language barrier thing. But the token response from Habs fans is the age old Yankee response – rings bro!! Screen Shot 2014-04-30 at 10.19.34 PM Screen Shot 2014-04-30 at 11.30.00 PMNewsflash – there is nothing in professional sports that is faker than the Canadiens 26 Stanley Cups. Thirteen of your 24 cups came when there were just 6 teams in the league. Those don’t count. You dominated during a time period I was not alive for. I give zero fucks about that. Let’s talk about recent history. We’ve won two of the last three Eastern Conference Championships. You haven’t won since 1993.

I repeat, 1993. June 9, 1993 to be specific. On June 17, 1993 Douggie Hamilton was born. A generation of young boys have been born and made the NHL since you last did anything significant, so you can take those 24 Cups and shove them up your ass. You bragging about your 24 cups would be like me sitting around talking about how nasty the 1918 Red Sox were. No one cares because it’s just not at all relevant.

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So in conclusion Montreal is a good for nothing wasteland that is only good for immoral weekend excursions. But you did give us Patrice Bergeron, Claude Julien, and Pedro Martinez, so at least you’re not totally useless. I simply cannot WAIT until puck drop tomorrow. Let’s go B’s!!

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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16 Comment(s)
  • May 16, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    ”Because for whatever reason they speak French in Quebec and the rest of Canada is just cool with that. Picture that happening in America. Would the people of California ever let the official language of that state become Spanish? Nope. Because Americans actually have pride in their country, before pride in their stat”

    HEY FUNNY MAN… THERE IS NO OFFICIAL LANGUAGE IN THE UNITED STATES….. FFS, Im from Quebec and I do know that….. how come you as an American DO NOT.

  • May 16, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    This is great, these comments prove how big of cunt nuggets the habs fan base is. You have the win, and yet you still like to talk shit and bring up the past. Have fun getting shit on IMN new york tomorrow, you diving pussies and be sure to bring extra tampons for Subban

    • May 16, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Bet you have not seen this…. Boston – Embelishment city…. enjoy

      • May 16, 2014 at 2:58 pm

        ”Because the Montreal Canadiens’ play reflects the culture of the city they play in. When everyone from your metropolis is a whiny little naniburger, your players are gonna play like whiny little naniburgers. In Boston we’re tough and blue-collar, and so is our hockey team”

        After this video…. umh.

  • Sonny
    May 15, 2014 at 6:12 am

    Guess who’s going to the next round idiot??

  • Glenn Beck's Dick
    May 8, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    Okay, so you had a homosexual experience at a bar in Montreal. No need to write a whole article on it.

    • Joey G
      May 9, 2014 at 9:21 am

      That wasn’t the point of this particular article. As you can see from the picture, I am not sure that Turtleboy likes people of any gender at all, only turtles.

  • u sux
    May 8, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    You are the most racist shit I ever seen. I’m a Quebecer and I don’t like the habs, but you’re just so ignorant. This is why the whole world hates America. You’re all racist pricks. Please, just kill yourself lmao.

    • Chris Curtis
      May 9, 2014 at 9:50 am

      The Quebec race is easily the race I’m most racist against.

    • Joey G
      May 9, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      I wouldn’t say the “most racist” by any means… I mean, what about George Wallace and every old black man who ever lived?

  • Richard L. Pappenfuss
    May 6, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    “That’s because Montreal combines two of the worst types of people on God’s green earth – Canadians and the French.” …. Over half of the Bruins are actually Canadians. One of these talented hockey players would be Bergeron. Who also happens to be french. Soo that makes you ignorant and a legal idiot all at once. Nice one.

  • Alphie
    May 4, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    This is the truth: The Habs are terrible hacks and their pathetic fan base simply will not admit it. On the other hand the French, in general, are spineless cowards with few exceptions in their long sad history. (It is granted that there have been a handful of exceptions but they are rare if one is honest with oneself and the rest of the civilized world has constantly baled them out throughout the epoch of time) Quebec does have some redeeming qualities but I am hard pressed to iterate them at this moment – however – I am sure they would include the wondrous beauty of many of the natural areas in the province. The one thing that people must realize (one would hope anyway) is that over 75% of the population of the great country of Canada does not want (separatist supporting) Quebecers to be a part of the country and that sentiment still exists in Quebec and is still very strong on many levels. Additionally, if you remove the total area of The First Nations’ legally recognized treaty portion(s) of the official physical geographical area of Quebec (which would/will be done when/if the Quebec Separatists ever do finally leave) the area left over for the separatists only represents approximately 8% of the currently recognized total landmass of Quebec in the context of the provincial area of Quebec within Canada. In fact, there are many Canadians AND Quebecers who wish that the separatists would finally simply take their 8% and go. Good luck existing in the real world without being completely subsidized and baled out by others. Sadly, the majority of Habs fans who are fanatical would easily adapt to being Eurotrash freaks living in dangerous alleys and would throw live cats at people as they walk by.

  • Simon Gibreau
    May 4, 2014 at 11:56 am

    You are not welcome in Montréal, you degenerate fool. People like you defile our city. Only a Bruins fan like you can manage to get mad at a habs player (and the whole organization) for getting hurt after a Bruins hit. that’s just awful. Do you hear and read yourself? And by the way, here is the official, factual story on the Chara hit vs Pacioretty: it wasn’t a legal one. Even your local broadcasting team (Jack Edwards and co.) got that part right. Patches no longer had the puck.
    I’m getting the sense that you probably would cheer on if a habs player was fatally hit by a Bruins, or maybe you would curse him for being such a diver!! While this might be a stretch, it’s not far from the truth.
    I’m totally fed up with the Bruins and their fans. I’m getting tired of meeting the Bruins in the playoffs. Greatest rivalry my ass.
    I had no idea Boston was so passionate about hockey but I just don’t get the anger. Fans like you make me want to say that Bruins fans are vile, hypocritical, frutrated beyond comprehension, savages, but I won’t.

    And what about the political, social part of your post: you are disgusting. Québec didn’t become french all of a sudden because it wanted to piss people off. It was french before Canada was English. Since 1534 you ignorant buffoon. We have a right to be, period. And you have no right to insult people the way you do.

  • Zoolander
    May 1, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Fun fact! There’s 15 Canadians on the Bruins and Only 11 on the Canadiens. If you’re a real Bruins fan you’d be more respectful of Canadians (regardless of what province they’re from). Also, one of the greatest Bruins players of all time, Bobby Orr is proudly Canadian. I think you’re being a little harsh. Stick to talking about the sport, not making generalizations about the country.

  • Joey G
    May 1, 2014 at 7:56 am

    I fully agree with your assessment of Montreal, but I wouldn’t judge all of Canada by the Eurotrash in that city. I think most of Canada hates the Canadiens as well.

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