Hoodrat Heroes

Nashua Nut Serpent’s Hardo Dad Guido Dave Matthews Sent Me Death Threats If I Don’t Take Down Blog About His Crack Dealing Pregnant Daughter, Her Backpage Friend Fills Out The Form For Abi


I got a phone call today from this number:

It’s from the business phone number for POS Profits. Yes, they named their business after the acronym for piece of shit. Can’t make this stuff up.

I couldn’t record it because I was out and about, but the guy on the other end informed that his daughter Kiana Moudarri was recently in a blog and he demanded it come down….or else.

She’s complete trash, and was recently arrested for selling crack cocaine while 7 months pregnant.

And she’s been arrested for trying to run over a cop with her while her crotch fruit was in the back seat, counterfeiting, selling drugs, warrants, and a whole bunch more. Despite being born and raised in Tyngsboro, she swears she’s hood because she occasionally* lets gang bangers from Lowell and Nashua dip their spam javelins in her tampon tunnel.

If that were my daughter I’d literally kill myself. What a collossal parenting fail. At the very least I’d bow my head in shame and pretend like we weren’t related.

Not her pa dukes Joseph Moudarri though. He’s a real hardo.

Out here looking like guido Dave Matthews.

He had a two major beefs with me:

  1. We referred to his grandchild (the one who was in the backseat when she tried to run over a cop) as a crotch fruit
  2. The blog contained a screenshot of his daughter’s backpage ad, which he claimed showed her nood.

We are guilty as charged in regards to the crotch fruit allegations, but I told him this was not grounds to remove the blog since I refer to my own crotch fruits as that. As for the second allegation, there are no noodz here.

As you can see, the ad that THEY PUT ON BACKPAGE says they’re 19 years old, doesn’t show anything fun, and clearly advertises a 2 for 1 special. I saw no reason to take it down, which he didn’t like so he threatened me, told me he was calling the cops, and said I was going to regret it when he comes and sees me face to face. Then an hour later I got this text message from a burner number.

Obviously that’s him, but he’s just too cowardly to continue to threaten me with his real phone number. Guys, if you’re gonna send me death threats, wait a couple days after your first death threat. It gives it away that it’s you on the burner phone. Geez Louise, act like you’ve been there before!

He wasn’t the only one upset either. The other girl in the backpage ad also contacted the page, spoke with Deskie for a while, filled out the form, and wasn’t satisfied with the results. (This might be Abi Horowitz’s finest work yet).

The reference number was a nice edition.

Another defender named Summer Pashay on Facebook messaged the page and I answered this time.

She’s also on Kiana’s page, defending her behavior and shitting on the cops for arresting the pregnant crack cocaine saleswoman. Then again, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do now that Backpage is no longer a thing.

The bottom line is that I will continue to do what we do on Turtleboy regardless of these death threats. I do it because scumbags like Kiana Moudarri deserve to be publicly exposed and called out for their disgusting behavior. I won’t be intimidated into silence, and I’ll never censor my bloggers because it hurts a drug dealer’s daddy’s feelings. Maybe if he spent half as much time parenting as he did acting like a tough guy hardo then his daughter wouldn’t be on Turtleboy in the first place.



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81 Comment(s)
  • Russmo
    October 18, 2019 at 10:17 pm

    I’m guessing a little father daughter incest here

  • Chubby Chick Chaser
    October 17, 2019 at 9:21 pm

    Slather a little makeup on that pregnant chick, and I’ll give her a good rogering.

    Fat chicks need loving too, and they definitely try harder to please their partners. #FattyFacts

  • Judge dread
    October 17, 2019 at 3:45 pm

    This is one of the greatest Abi troll sessions i ever read on TBS. the reference number and customer support bullshit and the whole thing was totally senior level trolling.

    She is dumb as shit. She’s the type you hire, smoke crack with, and bang from behind while ur “working late” only to give your wife the clap or crabs later on.

  • Metro West Guy
    October 17, 2019 at 1:15 pm

    Papa shaves his armpits, good grief. And where do you even buy a shirt like that denim looking number? Is there a Chess King still open somewhere on the North Shore?

  • Gus Rawdog
    October 17, 2019 at 11:18 am


  • Cam
    October 17, 2019 at 10:35 am

    Yeh I’m team Turtle all the way but this time I have to wonder why the girl wasn’t blacked out too. She seems like unfair collateral damage here. Cheers

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      October 17, 2019 at 10:51 am

      Glad I wasn’t alone in thinking this. I wasn’t sure if I was “soft” while in my… refractory period.

    • Cam’s A Cuk
      October 17, 2019 at 7:53 pm

      Because Backpage was a public forum. The. Internet. Is. Forever. Dumbfuck

  • randiguy2006
    October 17, 2019 at 10:12 am

    I dunno, making fun of wayward young girls might not be the best use of time in someone’s life.

    Of course her father is going to defend her, that what fathers do.

    • Christopher Lettiere
      October 17, 2019 at 10:30 am

      F_ck off, Josh.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        October 17, 2019 at 11:03 am

        “That’s what fathers do”

        Not in the Abrams family – they either give their shitstain of a son away because he’s a complete cunt even as a baby – like Joshy-poo’s Daddy did.

        Or they ignore their Children, don’t pay for their upbringing and inflict violence on the poor girls that actually were stupid enough to sleep with them – like Joshy-poo himself.

    • hartf811
      October 17, 2019 at 10:34 am

      Umm I wonder why these 2 stupid girls got pregnant?
      Close the schools, poison the lowlifes, kill the parents. Wipe shitball cities clean.

    • Corinth Arkadin
      October 17, 2019 at 9:30 pm

      Real fathers don’t let their girls fuck strangers for money over the internet.

      That’s Fathering 101.

    • Russmo
      October 18, 2019 at 10:20 pm

      Meh shut up you shitbag

  • Get Shorty
    October 17, 2019 at 9:33 am

    Hardo garlic eater could of starred in the movie Get Shorty. Danny DeVitto looks down on him.

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    October 17, 2019 at 7:34 am

    Unpopular opinion: I sort of agree this girl didn’t have anything to do with the article so it was confusing why she was given a hard time.

    Then she took out the ratchet and I stopped caring about her. Anyway, I wasn’t harassing her, I was just curious if she was still open for business, before or after the baby.


    • JimmyBooms
      October 17, 2019 at 8:27 am

      Yeah I agree with you. Uncle TB allways says if you want something taken down just ask and if your not ratchet in asking he will do it. She was 17 we all make mistakes fuck I’m over 40 and still making them. But maybe Uncle TB did sum background work and found out she was still doing stupid shit and deserved to stay up idk. If she hasn’t been arrested for drugs or prostitution in last 3 years black her out but if she been ratchet leave her up. Idk

  • Polly the cracker
    October 17, 2019 at 7:07 am

    That summer girl
    Is kind of cute

    • JimmyBooms
      October 17, 2019 at 8:37 am

      Shes cute but shes seen more black dick than a urinal at the Apollo Theatre

    • Jack Straw from Wichita
      Bill Clinton
      October 17, 2019 at 9:40 am

      Anybody got Summer’s work number? Asking for a friend.

      • Christopher Lettiere
        October 17, 2019 at 10:28 am

        (508) 850-6648

        • Corinth Arkadin
          October 17, 2019 at 9:33 pm

          If you don’t call, you’ll never know….

  • Fucking Queers
    October 17, 2019 at 6:46 am

    Honestly man, all these people who are suing your site have to do is screenshot these kiddie porn pics you’re posting and show them to a judge and the judge will shut you down just like Backpage so please smarten up and keep the site alive.

    • Look in the Mirror
      October 17, 2019 at 6:56 am

      Stay away from public pools, water parks, and beaches. There are kids in swimsuits there, and to you that is “kiddie porn.”

      You are sick individual, and I hope that there are no small children in your life.

      Get help. Soon.

  • Fucking Queers
    October 17, 2019 at 6:34 am

    I’m with Mima on this one.
    The story is about the drug dealing crack hoe. Not about some stupid shit Mima did as a minor and the kids pic shouldn’t be used in the article.
    I noticed posting pics of little girls is sorta becoming a trend here.
    In a previous article about come sicko and a missing girl you were like he likes little girls in bikinis too and then you posted pics of 12 year old girls in bikinis?
    That’s fucking sick man, you should take the pics of half naked kids down.

    • Look in the Mirror
      October 17, 2019 at 6:52 am

      Only a closeted skinner looks at kids in bikinis and sexualizes them. To normal human beings, they’re kids in swimsuits.

      You might want to get help, as what you’re doing is known as “projection.”

      Fucking creeper.

  • Ben girlcode
    October 17, 2019 at 6:27 am

    I love when the ratchetts think they’re chatting with Abbi the desk girl. Oh, and by the way, posting pics of 17 yr olds nude or clothed is illegal in majority states.

    • Ben Mancode
      October 17, 2019 at 8:37 am

      Ben did you take law school at Princeton? You are a maroon.

    • Startled Pancake
      October 17, 2019 at 9:38 pm

      It’s from Backpage and they said in the photo they’re 19.

      She’s saying 17 now. Her word? Ok, let her prove it in court.

      It’s like Nancy Pelosi pushing for impeachment. She brings herself down.

      (God these fly-by-nights are really fucking stupid)

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    October 17, 2019 at 4:09 am

    Limerick of the Day…..

    The father of ratchet Kiana
    Is a wannabe Tony Soprana
    But he sits all alone
    Making threats on the phone,
    As he plays with his small, pink banana.

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      October 17, 2019 at 7:32 am

      This is a top 3 candidate. Tony Soprana; small, pink banana. There should be a book of these limericks.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        October 17, 2019 at 9:08 am

        Thanks for your kind words, DRSC. One does one’s best. 🙂


    • Elijah’s Final Fart
      October 17, 2019 at 10:13 pm

      Outstanding limerick Mr.Scratcher

      There was a man named Dick Scratcher
      From the land of Margaret Thatcher
      His limericks are cool
      Ole Dick is no fool
      He’s a limerick master blaster

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        October 18, 2019 at 5:56 am

        Tremendous work, EFF.

        I’m both proud and humbled by your tribute limerick, and I thank you.


    • Kim Wescott
      October 25, 2019 at 4:34 pm

      One of your best, in my opinion, DS! Keep em cummin, please.

  • Corinth Arkadin
    October 16, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    I could read the girls posts 1000 times and still lol.
    Something about a young little girl crying, begging and pleading makes me feel like a real man.

    • Mr. Arkadin
      October 17, 2019 at 9:40 pm

      Stealing my act. That’s ok, everyone knows you’re fake.

      Doesn’t bother me.

      • Mr. Arkadin
        October 17, 2019 at 9:43 pm

        AND….you could actually use punctuation, because that’s the hallmark of my posts.

        You’d fool people a lot longer instead of just stealing my name.

        Learn. To. Code.

  • Master Splinter
    October 16, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Read the Hardo Dad’s threat from the burner phone in the voice of Rocksteady (Shredder’s henchman) from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. LOL LOL!!!!!!

  • Cheddah
    October 16, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    Father: Guido Dave Matthews

    That’s brilliant…

  • whatevuh
    Dick Hertz from Holden
    October 16, 2019 at 9:44 pm

    POS is an acronym for Point Of Sale used in the retail sector, just so you know . . . .

    • Marian Webster
      October 17, 2019 at 5:46 pm

      Fuk off Dick Hertz, if i wanted educational information ill go to another site. No shit dickface

  • windblownmoms
    October 16, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    That old bitches face looked like it was in a mudstorm!!!!!!!

  • Napoleon
    October 16, 2019 at 7:40 pm

    What a moron this clown called you from his work number to threaten you. Well maybe people should call his work number and let them know what kind of big big joe, I mean little joe really is.

  • Good Vibrations
    October 16, 2019 at 6:55 pm

    This mahky mark ballbag looks real tough at 5ft 2 and 15 inch pythons. He should fix his teeth from all the tooth grinding.

  • Cesspool
    October 16, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    This is what your prophet said about the comments section of his blog:

    “Turtle Boy Sports
    2 days ago
    The comments on Facebook are great and sometimes more entertaining than the blogs themselves. The comments on the blogs themselves are a cesspool. Hopefully that clears things up”

    Will you Thumbs down this comment? That would be quite telling…

    • Rochambeau
      October 16, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      Wait. Why is TB responsible for any comment? Why do you think he has to censor a comment? Sure, the comments can be the equivalent of cancer. Where on this doll, did it touch you?

      What’s stopping some disgruntled person from commenting something unpopular? What stops a person from telling a lie? What measures are you required to take to censure anything?

    • JimmyBooms
      October 17, 2019 at 8:35 am

      Atleast TB has the balls to have a COMMENT SECTION unlike Dickless Dave at Barstool

  • whatevuh
    October 16, 2019 at 6:49 pm

    message to dad: you should have just shut the fuck up and let your little slut crack dealing skank take her medicine, now you’re turtleboy famous forever because you had to act like a HARDO, let us know how things go at work tomorrow, assuming you have a job.

  • Cyril Figgus - ISIS Comptroller
    October 16, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    That right there is the face of a scumbag who dipped his wick into the incest pool.

    • soxrock191
      October 17, 2019 at 4:58 am

      Abi rocks! Ahaha hahaha gotta love the epileptic desk girl !!!! She’s my new hero.

  • Ratchet Madness
    October 16, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Pure ratchet gold. Diflamation> Fucking retard.

  • Y
    October 16, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    I thought little Santos Mima looked hot in her backpage pic but now that I’ve read the way she writes I think she’s 1000x hotter!

    • Christopher Lettiere
      October 17, 2019 at 10:23 am

      Can TB do something about these frauds?
      There has to be a means to stopping this, like only allowing one user/email to comment from a set username???
      Get f_cked.

  • Cringeworthy
    October 16, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    Geez, a group of Tony Soprano wannabees. Kiana Moudarri in the most recent photos looks the most like Tony. Who is the guy? I’m afraid to ask. Am I correct that if anyone Google’s these freaks’ names in the future they’ll pull up Ms. Horowitz’s masterpiece? A new kind of life sentence that makes the offenders wish they’d gotten the brick and mortar version from the state, in the unlikely event it still awards them.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    October 16, 2019 at 6:01 pm

    You think the old man would be more upset with her selling the goods on backpage, but perhaps he was her pimp?

    • You never know
      October 16, 2019 at 8:44 pm

      Or hittin it?????

  • paco moreno
    October 16, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    now that we all know the so called holocaust is a big lie we should look into the anti white gate groups who support the lie such as the adl and no place or hate groups, which are both jewish run hate groups against whites. only retards think the so called holocaust happened it has been disproved at holocaustdeprogrammingcourse.com

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      April 6, 2020 at 10:00 am

      What’s wrong with having a white gate?

      Is it racist?

  • Ray Patriarca
    Thanks for the chuckle!
    October 16, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    This is pure, unadulterated gold!
    I nearly pissed myself laughing
    This broad is dumber than a box of wet gravel !

  • Floating Flash Frizbone
    October 16, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Guttermuppet crack ho!! man…don’t stick it in crazy!!

  • Nightmare On Scam Street
    October 16, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    “Barricading in without a warrant” TeeHee

    Uncle Turtle, you clearly do not pay Abi Horowitz nearly enough. The text exchange was extremely clever and hilarious. You could feel the hate and frustration growing. The complaint form – a work of art !

  • South of Andover
    October 16, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    It’s usually a long span between posts involving Abi, but they’re always so worth it!

  • Uncle Gus
    October 16, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    I certainly hope Abi gets a pay raise for putting up with people like this.
    (Maybe we should all fill out a complaint form, complaining that Abi does not get paid enough and we worry about her dogs! 🙂 )

    Keep up the good work! Give Abi a raise! And Turtle on my friend, Turtle on.

    October 16, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Makes me smile when I read all the blogs and know all my google trophy’s where before the internet…:)

      October 16, 2019 at 5:20 pm

      It’s funny how they get all bent out of shape when they should just keep their mouth shut the sooner it would be over and forgotten but Nooooooooo they Insist…

  • ElJefe72
    October 16, 2019 at 5:13 pm

    It’s no longer deformation of character; it’s diflamation of character. lol.

  • His Mom
    October 16, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    No wonder the daughter is a mess. The dad dresses like he is a 16 year old coming from his high school gym. What would make a grown man dress like that? Does he think he’s jacked? He’s not and he looks like a douche

    • Corinth Arkadin
      October 16, 2019 at 5:33 pm


      IS a DOUCHE.

    • Harry
      October 28, 2019 at 11:24 pm

      It’s “defamation” you dumb fuck…

  • Spic Tormentor
    October 16, 2019 at 5:10 pm

    I used to pump and dump fat whores like her in college

    • Spic Tormentor
      October 16, 2019 at 5:17 pm

      Correction: Ive dicked down some swamp donkeys in my dad but never as bad as this greasy crack whore. I commented the above before I read the article.

  • Corinth Arkadin
    October 16, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    I’m beginning to get a clue that all these haters failed English class.

    “…you ever research that”

    No sense of punctuation, spelling, syntax, tense…shit, I could go on and on. If you put it in tech-speak, or even internet-speak, it would be funny and make that much more sense.

    Plus this guy looks like a latent LGBTQ, with the glasses and the unbuttoned shirt to his navel.

    • Kim Wescott
      October 25, 2019 at 4:23 pm

      Awwww, c’mon….it’s a sexy Tom Jones all over again!

  • John Blutarsky
    October 16, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    It never ceases to amaze me just how fucking stupid some people are. That cunt should thank her lucky fucking stars every goddamned day that she was blessed with good looks because she is as fucking stupid as they come. And, of course, the fucking skank bred another failure to be a burden on society.

  • Well, No Shit
    October 16, 2019 at 4:45 pm



  • Real_Finn
    October 16, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    I could read this exchange over and over — and never be bored. It’s always funny.

    “Rite” now, I’m crying from laughing so hard.

    Desk-girl Abi — you’re my hero.


  • Toblerone
    October 16, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Wow those side burns are incredible.

  • MrSmiley
    October 16, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    Sooo let me get this straight… I’ll call my lawyer for me putting myself on backpage (a public website) when I was underage, fucking dudes for cash hahahaha! Never lacking entertainment, always lacking brain cells.

    Nashua steady climbing the ratchet ranks.

    • Startled Pancake
      October 16, 2019 at 5:13 pm

      I know, it’s fucking amazing.

      This one could actually talk her way into a lengthy jail sentence.

      “I was 17 at the time…backpage was seized” The bitch obviously knows why backpage was seized, why advertise that your ad featured you as underage? Not a clue that maybe you should shut the fuck up about it.

      Also desk girl has drawn a canvas here that it a lot like the Mona Lisa. It may never be topped.

      “The internet is forever, ma’am.”

    • Corinth Arkadin
      October 16, 2019 at 5:42 pm


      Bitch, you ain’t gots no lawyer. Lawyers cost big $$$, and that’s just on retainer. Money you ain’t got, hoebag.

      Even if you theoretically DID retain a lawyer, they’re gonna want an upfront. Most law offices are a crapshoot anyway. Most of the time they are there to milk you for dollahs. You can’t and won’t win your case, becasue it goes intot he register of the lawyers getting disbarred for too many bullshit friviouls lawsuits. It’s more of a harassment thing, cease and desist letters out the yinyang that just get ignored.

      That’s why Turtleboy is smart by just telling these people to fuck off.

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