Turtleboy Investigates

New Hampshire Princess Punching Bag Posts Viral Story About Getting Choked By 2 Guys Dressed As Construction Workers Trying To Kidnap Her, Posted Similar Story 3 Years Ago Too


With all the protesting and COVID talk dominating the news the last few months I’m beginning to miss the old days when basic bitches looking for their 15 minutes of fame made up stories about being kidnapped. Luckily a Loudon, NH woman named Alexis George came through with this viral post yesterday that was shared thousands of times before she removed it this morning.

Don’t you hate when that happens? You’re driving along and all of a sudden the guy pretending to be a construction worker and his buddy lying in wait try to drag you out of your car, choke you, kick the shit out of you, fail after another driver pulls up behind you, and then you run home to post about it on Facebook. It’s the worst.

But of course anyone with a brain would realize this never happened. After all, her eye doesn’t look red at all despite the “swelling” around it, which looks oddly like blue makeup.

And she never called the cops, and instead posted about it on Facebook, waited for it to go viral, and then the cops came to her. Nor did the people behind her call the cops or make sure she was OK. They witnessed this horrific incident and everyone just went on their way. Sure, it hasn’t made the news that a woman was nearly kidnapped and choked out in broad daylight by a guy pretending to be a construction worker who is still on the loose. Sure the cops would almost definitely let the public know if a maniac like this was out there. But that doesn’t mean people weren’t gonna blindly believe it anyway. After all, when a basic Becky shares something on Facebook it must be true.

If you’re an imaginary man dressing as a construction worker who goes around choking bitches out in Loudon, NH, just know that your days are numbered because Joseph Ortega does NOT play games with bitch ass pussies.

A lot of people were skeptical of the story, and each and every person who voiced sketicism was attacked for being mean because they don’t like attention starved broads who make up stories like this for Facebook likes.

“The scratches look real to me.”

Yea, except she said she was choked, and that both men somehow reached her by going through the passenger side door, so it would be pretty tough to get scratches and a shiner like that. Also, she had the option to, ya know, drive, if someone was trying to get in her passenger side door.

Girl, your name is Hannah Huskie. There’s nothing I can say or do to you right now that can be worse than named Hannah Huskie. Class dismissed.

Right. The person using logic and reason is the one who looks ignorant here, not the white chick with a BLM filter who blindly believes stories that are clearly made up, simply because someone posted it on Facebook.

“I do not give a flying ass fuck if you think this is fake or not….”

Look at Bryan with Y, just because you’re on your way to becoming a chick, doesn’t mean you have to believe all women just yet.

Another chick who actually had a shiner posted what it really looks like to have black eyes, but of course she got shit on too.   

Yea good point Alexandria. Comparing a real black eye to an obvious fake one is a “useless comment.” Unlike your comment, which was productive and insightful.

And guess what? She did this same thing three years ago.

This poor girl has terrible luck. She can’t leave her house in the quiet town of Loudon without some mongoloid drunk on toxic masculinity punching her in the face. It’s a real epidemic.

She also posted this in April.

Almost like she’s an attention whore constantly looking for sympathy on the Internet.

She saw all the people who were skeptical of her story, provided no proof that she contacted the cops, and didn’t answer any questions. However, she did continue to look for sympathy.

She claimed to have a video of something, but never shared what it was.

And by nightfall the light blue under her eyes had magically transformed into a dark blue and red, which looked more like bruising.


Obviously she’s lying, and one of two things happened here:

  1. She did this to herself for attention
  2. Her boyfriend/husband/fiance did this to her and she’s covering for him.

His name is Dylan Burr, and I couldn’t find any criminal history on him. If that’s the case then I’m incline to believe that she just made this entire thing up from scratch, and now she’s gotten people suspicious about him too. Have a nice life dude!



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34 Comment(s)
  • Bostonrox
    June 22, 2020 at 11:42 pm

    Scenario 3: she cheated on her boyfriend with a dirtbag who ended up whacking her and this is the story she concocted so she wouldn’t get caught cheating.

  • North of the Border
    June 20, 2020 at 8:32 am


    Dude, didn’t your old man ever tell you not to stick your duck in crazy? Get out while you can, and make sure someone you trust hands her the restraining order.

  • DR. Fredex
    June 19, 2020 at 10:42 am

    I’m writing a proscription for punchedinthefaceitis, with facebookflyitis.
    Good luck and Goodbye

  • I See Dumb People
    I see dumb people
    June 19, 2020 at 7:36 am

    There is no way thats real… If it is than she did not get beat by a man thats for sure.. IF she got punched in the face ( especially near her eye) by an actual man than the whites of her eye would be filled with blood and all red not white… Trust me i know from experience.. Now it could possibly be that she got. “Punched in the face” by a very very weak woman but even still where the bruising is for sure would of caused blood to pool in the white of her eye… Stupid bitch looking for likes

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    June 18, 2020 at 8:18 pm

    Bryan Chagnon: Humanity is frightening. Especially when I have to look at mentally ill transgender ‘hey look at me’ fucks like you with so little self esteem you need to go ‘weird’ to get attention for your critically ill ego.

    Now go put some fucking clean jammies on. You’re late for the Biden rally!

  • juror seven esq.
    June 18, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    There is an update to this story. Loudon police report that there were two men on Hoit Rd. with cones. Police also say one man was holding a large chocolate and vanilla twist cone. The second individual’s cone was sprinkled with colored Jimmies. No mention of cherries.

    • Not up on the lingo
      June 18, 2020 at 8:40 pm

      You can’t call them Jimmies anymore. That’s racist yo. You have to say chocolate sprinkles now.

      • juror seven esq.
        June 19, 2020 at 1:42 pm

        I did not know that, but will claim an exception, given I’m over 70, there is a grandfather clause for this. The same exception that allowed an uncle of mine to refer to those large brazil nuts that you got in the canned nuts popular at Christmas time as ni**er toes. The same toes from the enee, minee minnie, moe catch a ni**er by the toe…
        Today you can’t get away with any of that stuff. I’m okay with that, We’ve come a long way.

  • Peter Dautel
    Stink hammer
    June 18, 2020 at 6:14 pm

    Karen? Is that you…? O.M.G…!

    Ok, let’s fuck.

  • Norm
    June 18, 2020 at 5:54 pm

    Alexis George of Loudon, NH is so bored, lonely, and horny that she has to continually post that she’s a victim on social media….it’s pathetic. Go find a dick and suck on it, or get a hobby or something.

    As for Bryon Fhagnon, that fucking poo pusher looks more gay than rainbow Skittles.

  • Paul Casale
    June 18, 2020 at 4:06 pm

    Leave it to the faggot to be unable to type a sentence or make a point without using the word “literally”. It should use the hair that’s left on the side of its head to wipe its ass.

  • She Racist
    June 18, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    It was me, and my Assistant Stop Sign Holder, Odd Larry. She was taking a selfie, and blasting some shitty robot song when I was trying move fucking traffic along. So I seized an opportunity to grab her tits when she screamed. That’s when Odd Larry came outta hiding in her backseat, and fucking cracked her. I threatened her that if she told anyone, they wouldn’t believe her cuz I was wearing my “I Can’t Breath” (Cuz of My Asthma) T-shirt under my vest, and Odd Larry is blacker than a sealcoat. She was just being racist, the bitch.

  • Orion
    June 18, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    So she waited until there’s enough other bullshit outrage to try and spin this lie again. I bet she gets off on being choked, and I bet she roars like a bear when she cums.

    June 18, 2020 at 2:40 pm

    This girl is a pure psycho. She has a boyfriend yet is on plenty of fish, match, tinder and a few more. (I have friends that have been involved with her and shes crazy as they say) Men, do your self the favor and never meet woman on dating sites. They are on dating sites and not in a relationship for a reason, that reason being, they are not sane in the slightest bit. You dont find love on the internet you find damaged goods or single mothers which are obviously damaged goods.

    Too the men like the white knight in her post. Even if the woman is getting slapped around for real 9 out of 10 times she deserves it. Is getting involved to defend some skanks honor really worth the potential of being arrested for intervening or possibly losing your life over? Most times in a serious domestic situation when you get involved you end up getting assaulted by both the woman and man dont believe me just ask the many cops this has happened too. More than half the time these harpies start issues for no reason then pull the muuhhh pussy card. Men do not help woman they are stong, independent and dont need no man. Never help woman especially single mothers. As sad as it is do not help children either. How many children have been in situations where a man has involved him self only to turn around and be called a pedo, chased out of town for no reason and even arrested. I’m not sure but you hear about it often way too often. Do not help woman or children that is what the police are for! I know you think if you save her shes going to tell you to stick it in her mouth after but that is not true. Let them deal with their own problems! Remember most of these birds are liberal woman and they are the enemy. they are the ones who claim false rape and false assault charges. Never help a woman unless it’s your own family and even so still question it. Avoid these woman like the plague they are nothing but parasites! Woman are not as innocent as they portray and will fuck your life for no reason!

    You have been warned!

    • Shoresy
      June 18, 2020 at 4:09 pm

      Hey bud, tell your mom to bring your sister around again tonight after supper. That double blow job they gave me while I was on the shitter was out of this world, and it only cost me a bucket of KFC. Oh and give your balls a tug, you tit fucker.

    • Louis
      June 18, 2020 at 8:46 pm

      I heard this a long time ago, and I thought it was BS, until I got older and learned a few lessons the hard way. An old timer once said to me “if women didn’t have a pussy there would be a bounty of their head”. Kind of odd to think that way, but it’s not far from the truth.

  • Garcia Vega
    June 18, 2020 at 2:11 pm

    It’s a lie! Everybody knows road construction workers are done by 2:30 p.m.

  • 2wentee
    June 18, 2020 at 1:12 pm

    I took this picture at night with a flash light because national grid doesn’t take EBT

  • Alexis George
    June 18, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    I can’t see, ya gotta cut me Mickey.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    June 18, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    Thank God you’re okay, Alexis. I can only imagine what it would be like to get dragged in to the woods by 2 burly construction workers, get choked and have unspeakable acts committed on one’s body. So scary!
    Is Loudon a long drive from Cambridge?

    • Bernie Sanders
      June 18, 2020 at 1:16 pm

      I knew it. Every woman has those fantasies.

      • Katie Hill
        June 18, 2020 at 4:11 pm

        I want in on this. Can I take off all my clothes and brush your Larry Fine hair?

    June 18, 2020 at 12:39 pm

    I use to be able to forward stories to Turtleboy trough Facebook messenger but it was removed or something. I wanted to send him this video of an altercation within Seattle’s “CHAZ.” It includes their rapper leader “RAZ” and their “security.” I can’t add the link so just go to Youtube and search for “Chaz authorities violently beat thief.” It get’s good around 2:00 min mark. Satisfying to watch.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Raz is a Pussy
      June 18, 2020 at 8:19 pm

      Raz acts all tough when he’s got the mob behind him. Typical hood bully/pussy. All mouth and no action. Would love to see him try something with the big white dude with the AR. Dude would smoke him with just a look.

      • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
        Luke Fondleberg
        June 19, 2020 at 2:13 am

        I’d love to see DJT send the SEALs in there. One squad of highly trained operators against a mob of Call of Duty veterans who first held a real gun when it was handled them from the trunk of a Tesla.

        Hollywood could make a movie about it afterwards, a la Zero Dark Thirty. Only problem is it would only be 18 minutes long.

  • Mike Tyson
    June 18, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    Obviously not a good listener

    • Link
      June 18, 2020 at 12:39 pm

    • Mike Tyson
      June 18, 2020 at 1:17 pm

      I mithpelled lithener

      • Thank you Mike
        June 18, 2020 at 7:23 pm

        I was laughing so hard at that one I almost pissed myself. Well done.

  • Crispy C
    June 18, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    Poor girl just needs attention. Mental illness is a sad thing. We need to get her into a support group with Failure Swift and Maude.

  • Joe
    June 18, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    What the fuck? Why even include the BF’s name and picture? He didn’t post anything and isn’t the one looking for attention. I understand you are just introducing an alternative theory but it’s complete BS to get him involved in this publicly.

  • Truth
    June 18, 2020 at 12:21 pm

    She cheated. Needed a cover story

  • YMCA
    June 18, 2020 at 12:15 pm

    Construction worker, police, Native American in the mix too?!?! Is this the friggin Village People mafia!!

  • hartf811
    Fat Clemenza
    June 18, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    I’ve ruffed a few up in the heat of passion way more that this.
    Plus she looks like the kind who likes contact sports after dark.
    Jus sayin’
    What cannoli’s?

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