Sports

New Red Sox Fan Jay-Z Just Sabatoged The New York Yankees with Robinson Cano, Seattle Mariners Contract

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“Robinson Cano is headed to the Seattle Mariners, agreeing to terms on a 10-year, $240 million contract, according to a person with direct knowledge of the negotiations.

The person spoke to USA TODAY Sports on condition of anonymity because the deal has not been announced.

The agreement comes just hours after talks between Cano, his representative Jay-Z, and the Mariners broke down when the hip-hop mogul asked for a 10th year from the Mariners.

Earlier, The New York Daily News reports that the talks “ended on a sour note.” The M’s were reportedly willing to give him as much as $225 million over nine years.

It gives the blame to his agent and entertainment mogul Jay Z;

…when Jay Z then upped the ante and demanded 10 years and $252 million — the same deal Alex Rodriguez took more than a decade ago when he left the Mariners for the Rangers — Mariners chairman and CEO Howard Lincoln apparently “exploded,” according to one of the sources, ending the meeting.

“It doesn’t look like we’re getting him,” a Mariners source said, adding that Seattle did not seem inclined to reignite talks with a player that clearly didn’t want to go there.

But now that newspaper has reversed course and also confirmed that Cano has signed with the M’s.

In a stunning reversal that played out over a dozen or so dramatic hours – and with Jay Z involved, would you expect anything else? – the Mariners signed Robinson Cano to a 10-year, $240 million contract, ending his tenure with the Yankees.

Talks between the two sides hit what appeared to be a major snag late Thursday night, a source said, after Cano’s camp asked for 10 years and $252 million. The Mariners had been under the impression that a nine-year, $225 million offer was going to get the deal done, leaving Seattle officials perplexed over the additional request.

… But the Mariners ultimately caved on a 10th year, deciding the need for a marquee, face-of-the-franchise player was big enough to make the mammoth offer.”

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In the past year and a half the Yankees sent the Mariners their best player (Robinson Cano) in the prime of his career. The Mariners sent their former best player (Ichiro), who is now almost 40, to New York. You lose Yankees fans.

I absolutely love how the Yankees have become the biggest joke in MLB. This week couldn’t have worked out any more hilariously from a Red Sox fan’s perspective. The Seattle Mariners are willing to pay Robinson Cano $24 million a year, but for the Yankees this is too much? Since when do the Yankees think money is for anything except burning? They just spent $22 million a year on Jacoby Freaking Ellsbury. If money was the deciding factor, then hypothetically they could’ve only had ONE of these two guys, for virtually the same price. Let’s compare to see who is more worth the dough…

Age: Cano is 31, Ellsbury is 30. This one’s a wash. If anything Ellsbury plays a position (OF) where you’re much more likely to get hurt. Cano is also a lot lazier than Ellsbury on the base paths, which is how your want your 24 million dollar player to be. No point getting hurt trying to steal 60 bases.

Power: Cano wins this and it’s not very close. Cano’s lowest home run total was 14 his rookie year. Ellsbury has cracked double digits once when he hit 32, when he was obviously taking the best steroids ever processed in the history of the world. In the last five seasons Cano has hit 25, 29, 28, 33, and 27 home runs respectively. Ellsbury has hit 60 RBI once in his career. Cano has never hit less than 75 RBI in a full season.

Run scoring: Somehow Cano also wins this one, even though he hits third in the lineup, and Ellsbury has batted leadoff in front of Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, and David Ortiz. Cano has scored over 100 runs in four of the last five seasons. Ellsbury has done it once in his career. Cano has never stolen more than eight bases in a season, while Ellsbury has stolen 70. Somehow Ellsbury still hasn’t been able to score as often as Cano.

Batting Average: This one’s not even really close. Cano’s last five seasons have ended with averages of, .320, .319, .302, .314, .313. Ellsbury has hit over .301 once (the magical steroid year).

Games Played: Probably the biggest reason why Cano deserves twice the money Ellsbury does is because he doesn’t miss games. In the last seven years, out of 162 games, he has played in 160, 159, 161, 160, 159, 161, and 160 respectively. During that same time period Ellsbury’s games played have been 33, 145, 153, 18, 158, 74, and 134. Cano has never played in less than 159 games, which would be a career high for Ellsbury.

Conclusion: Not only is Cano a much better player than Ellsbury, he’s also not a Nancy Boy who misses games whenever he gets boo-boo.

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I was following this story when I could today, and I wanted to smack Jay-Z right in his Picasso Baby face when I read that the deal with the Mariners fell apart because he was being a chiseler, and demanding a ten year deal instead of a nine year deal. If it fell apart because of that, well that’s just D’Evils. I was SOOOO convinced that this was all a plot by Jay-Z to keep Cano in the Bronx. After all, Jay-Z made wearing a Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can – and he’s already got that Empire State of Mind since he’s a New Yorker who openly roots for the Yankees. I would NEVER put it past him to sabotage his own client’s deal so that the Yankees can keep their ONLY good player. After all, he is a Renegade. 

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But alas Jay-Z showed why he’s Big Pimpin. Turns out Robinson Cano may have 99 Problems but a contract ain’t one. Even though he’s from Brooklyn, they’re Aint’ No Love in the Heart of the City. He called Seattle’s bluff and got Cano a 10 year contract, despite the fact that he won’t be Young Forever.  He knew they were desperate for a big name free agent because the Mariners are the hometown favorite of the entire nation of Japan. And those people like to buy t-shirts. They would’ve paid Cano until he was 75 if H to the Izzo wanted them to.

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If I’m a Yankee fan I’m so pissed off that they Lost One. Then they lost another one a few hours later when Curtis Granderson went to the Mets. The freaking Mets!! Can I Live? I thought the Yankees were supposed to Run This Town? You’re having a pretty crappy offseason when you can’t keep guys from going to Queens, and the suicide/homeless bum capital of the Pacific Northwest.

Looks like it’s Onto the Next One for the Yankees. Oh wait, who is the next one? Good news Yankees fans, you replaced the best second baseman in baseball with Kelly Johnson. That should make you have a Moment of Clarity. Are the Yankees becoming the Knicks? If George Steinbrenner were alive this would never, ever, ever happen. The second that old bastard croaked the Yankees started going downhill. At this point George would be threatening to move the Yankees to New Jersey just to upset people. This is why you don’t give your hard earned assets to your idiot children. Hell, George Costanza could run the Yankees better than Steinbrenner’s lucky sperm is doing it. Apparently this Steinbrenner doesn’t like to spend his Dead Presidents on established MLB All-Stars. Guess that’s just Politcs as Usual in free agency.

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This deal further guarantees the Red Sox Takeover of the AL East. They lost a top 5 hitter in baseball. We lost a pretty boy who never plays. You know who’s sad about that? Girls, Girls, Girls. That’s about it. After the Red Sox won the World Series last year it’s safe to say that I’m Feelin It. Same can’t be said for Brooklyn’s Finest. 

The only way to make this night more complete is to troll Yankees fans on Twiiter. Enjoy.

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What do you think of this Red Sox and Yankees fans? Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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4 Comment(s)
  • Joey G
    December 7, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Many people this week were shocked by the death of Nelson Mandela… because it is always shocking when a 95 year old man dies.

  • Blong
    December 7, 2013 at 4:41 am

    A- Blog, mainly because of the twitter banter with Yankee fans.

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