New York Yankees Michael Pineda Officially Worst Cheater Of All Time After Blatantly Cheating Against The Boston Red Sox, Again

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Are the New York Yankees the worst cheaters in the history of sports? If you’re not watching the Boston Red Sox right now, you missed what was apparently a deliberate attempt to get thrown out of the game by pitcher Michael Pineda. He got rocked in the first inning, and had to throw 30 pitches. Then in the second inning he had pine tar on his neck that Hellen Keller could’ve seen from the bleachers:

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 9.15.50 PMCome on bro, that’s not even close. New rule – if the last game you pitched against your division rival was a dominant performance in which you blatantly used pine tar in order to give yourself an advantage, DON’T make it more obvious the next time you face that same team. At least on April 10th he put the pine tar on his hand:


This time he came into the second inning looking like a seventh grader who just had a great time at the middle school dance. It was almost like he was trying to get caught. I actually don’t blame him at all. How can you? Last time he blatantly cheated the only person who was pissed about it was Jerry Remy. And the Rem-dawg obviously is the last person who should be lecturing anyone on what is and is not legal.

John Farrell gave this idiot a get out of jail free card last time. He let it go because at some point in baseball everyone cheats. I mean, the better part of my youth was spent watching cheaters bash home runs out of the park. And it was glorious. But you don’t get caught, and you especially don’t get caught twice. So this time Farrell obviously couldn’t let it go. He alerted home plate umpire Gerry Davis who came up to the mound and did this:

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 9.22.47 PM

How awesome would it have been if Gerry Davis pulled out a quarter from behind his ear? Where’s the ACLU on this one? Stopping and frisking another young male of color from New York? Racists.

OK, if you’re Pineda, you WANTED this to happen right? You obviously suck when you don’t cheat and didn’t wanna get rocked the rest of the game, so you blatantly tried to get caught, right Mike? Right??

Pineda didn’t really seem surprised, nor did he even really put up a fight, which further proves that he was trying to get caught. If I’m Pineda I have a million and one excuses. Before Davis touches his neck, and after he says “What is that?”, Pineda had one move and one move alone. I can’t really write it down, since as you all know, TurtleBoy Sports is a family blog. But basically Pineda should’ve warned Davis not to touch his neck because it would likely end in the same way this hilarious sequence did:




My question is, why the hell does Farrell have to rat him out? How is that part of the rules of baseball? I mean, he could say something this time because he basically let it be known that he knew cheated in New York and let it go. After all, when you’re getting beaten up and robbed in the Bronx the last thing you wanna do is report it.

But last time no one did anything about the blatant cheating because the umps can’t investigate it unless someone complains. They basically make the managers tattle on each other. So, rules aren’t rules unless one of the managers asks for the rules to be enforced? Huh? Yea, that makes sense.

At the same time, as a Red Sox fan I would’ve liked to see Pineda stay in there. I mean, he obviously sucks and didn’t have it tonight – pine tar or no pine tar. We could’ve put at least 7 or 8 up against him. Maybe it was a Yankees fan that said something?

I really, really am looking forward to hearing what Yankee fans have to say about this. I mean, Joe Girardi OBVIOUSLY knew he was doing this right? They WERE in the same dugout together between innings right? And it’s not like he could just hide this from everyone else unless he disappeared at some point. Did Pineda just tell Girardi he was going to take dump?


Here’s my guess at what you’ll hear from New York fans:

  • Clay Buchholz did it last year against Toronto and it’s part of the game
  • David Ortiz took steroids and is still on them
  • Jon Lester got superhuman powers through chemotherapy
  • Sean Thornton beat up Brooks Orpik
  • Spygate

Cheating has basically become the Yankee way. Sure tons of people cheated during the steroid era, but there was no bigger culprit than the boys in pin stripes. A-Rod, Sheffield, Giambi, Petitte, Clemens, Melky Cabrera, Mariano Rivera, etc. The message was loud and clear throughout MLB: 1) come to New York, 2) juice your face off, 3) win championships.

How long until Wikipedia catches wind of what we did to Pineda’s wikipedia page?


Hey wikipedia, quit begging me for $5 all the time. When that thought came to me I couldn’t wait to put it up there, and it was there for like 15 seconds. Yea, I’m sure you guys are as understaffed and underpaid as you always claim to be during your monthly “fundraisers.”

Lastly, Pineda might as well have put a target on his back, not only because he’s having a magical rebirth of a season, but more importantly because he’s Latino. Here’s the list of MLB players who have been suspended for steroids. You will notice that hardly any of them speak English. So yea, if you come out with pine tar on your neck, during a season in which you are one of the most dominant pitchers in MLB, AND you like salsa music, you are basically asking to get caught.

I really wanna hear from Yankee fans about this. Our buddy and resident Yankee fan PH is writing his rebuttal as we speak, but I highly encourage any and all non-Boston fans to share their thoughts in the comments. Feel free to be as offensive as you wanna be, but please remember that TurtleBoy Sports is a family blog.

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