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Another case of how crazy the world can get is the story of a New Jersey teenager who is suing her parents. Claiming she was forced out of their home, the teen feels she is entitled to financial support to cover private-school tuition, automobile and room and board.

Rachel Canning, a Morris Catholic High School senior, claims that mom and pop are still responsible for her despite the fact that she left home two days before her 18th birthday. The oldest daughter of Sean and Elizabeth Canning claims she was forced out. Her parents maintain that Rachel left of her own freewill.

Rachel, a cheerleader at the school, is crying “abandonment” by her parents. Her dad insists that Rachel is a “spoiled” liar and didn’t seem to understand the age-old maxim of, “As long as you live in my house, you will follow my rules.”

The whole trouble started on November 1, 2013, when Rachel left her home in Morris County, New Jersey to go and stay with a friend and the friend’s family. The teen states that her folks sent her packing by cutting her off “emotionally and financially.”

“We love our child and miss her. This is terrible. It’s killing me and my wife. We have a child we want home. We’re not Draconian and now we’re getting hauled into court. She’s demanding that we pay her bills but she doesn’t want to live at home and she’s saying, ‘I don’t want to live under your rules,’” Sean Canning said. The father said that he and his wife did stop paying the Morris Catholic tuition and have kept Rachel’s car because they paid for it. The father contended that Rachel moved out because she didn’t want to abide by simple household rules — be respectful, keep a curfew, return “borrowed” items to her two sisters, manage a few chores, and reconsider or end her relationship with a boyfriend the parents believe is a bad influence.“We’re heartbroken, but what do you do when a child says ‘I don’t want your rules but I want everything under the sun and you to pay for it?’” Canning said, adding that his daughter’s college fund is available to her and not withdrawn or re-allocated, as she has alleged.

Court papers filed by the teenager say that her parents stopped paying high school tuition to “punish” the school and have “redirected” the teen’s college fund. Rachel believes that this indicates a refusal on her parent’s part to afford her an education.

Morris Catholic High School, where Rachel attends, is taking the side of the grade A student. According to school personnel, her parents already owe $5306. With late fees added on since the feud started, the bill might go even higher. Rachel, who aspires to be a biomedical engineer, filed the lawsuit last week in Superior Court seeking a judge’s decision that she is non-emancipated and dependent on her parents for support.

Both sides of this dispute will stand before Morristown Judge Peter Bogaard later today. Tanya Helfand, Rachel Canning’s attorney, will be asking that Rachel’s parents be order to settle the tuition bill at the school as well as cover Rachel’s living expenses.

The parents had already covered tuition up to December 31 of last year, but haven’t taken out the checkbook since Rachel left. Morris Catholic administrators says that Rachel is still attending the school and won’t kick her out for unpaid tuition.

School president, Michael St. Pierre, wrote to the court that Rachel has superb grades and “…will not be removed…” from the school for nonpayment. However, the school is holding her parents responsible for the contractual obligation to pay.

Since the dispute started between the “spoiled” teenager and her parents, Rachel has been living in Rockaway with a friend from school, Jaime Inglesino. Inglesino’s father, John Inglesino is covering the cost of the lawsuit and has also filed a request with the court that Rachel’s parents pay their daughters legal fees that total so far $12,597.

While many teens have probably thought about suing their parents, sources say that Rachel Canning is the first to do it in a long time.

Everyone involved in this story sucks. The fact that it’s happening in New Jersey is by far the most predictable part of this whole shitshow.

Is there a bigger piece of human garbage than Rachel Canning? Actually, that’s debatable. Who’s worse, her or the ass clown attorney who is harboring her and financing her lawsuit against her parents? Or perhaps it’s the school itself, who isn’t kicking her out for non payment and is instead going after her parent’s wallet?

For starters none of this has anything to do with chores or being nice to her sister. No teenage girl moves out of their parents home to avoid doing the dishes or returning borrowed hairbrushes. She’s moving out because she wants to get steamrolled on the regular by her boyfriend, and her parents are completely cramping her style. It’s only so obvious.

Look, we’ve all been there before. Unless you were a complete square in high school, you at one point threatened to move out of your parents home. Then you realized you had absolutely nowhere to go because all of your friends live with their parents too, and they’re not in the business of fostering privileged runaways. Newsflash Rachel Canning: You’re like six months away from college where you can do whatever the hell you want to do whenever the hell you wanna do it. Your loser boyfriend can come visit you on his motorcycle for the first two weekends you’re in school, before you dump his ass and become a pass around girl at some frat house.

So what the hell is wrong with this attorney who took her in? He’s obviously got some grudge against her parents right? Because no sane person does something like this unless they’ve been completely screwed over by the girl’s parents. A quick google image search for James Inglesino reveals that our suspicions that he is a complete Jersey dooshnozzle were 100% accurate:

They simply don’t make faces that wide outside of Jersey.

Turns out this guy has come pretty hefty connects as well:

John Inglesino, a former Morris County freeholder, is a former adviser to as well as a friend and ally of Chris Christie. He also made significant contributions to the governor’s 2009 campaign.

Nuf Ced. If you have any ties to Chris Christie, then all bets are off. We’re talking about a guy who will literally shut down the most trafficked bridge in America in order to win a pissing contest with a small town mayor.

Luckily for you the reader, TurtleBoy Sports is the only news source investigating the root cause of this story. While others just regurgitate the facts, we do some old school muckraking. Turns out this whole thing is over politics. Rachel’s father Sean Canning was a police officer and a borough administrator. That means he’s a government employee, paid for by the public dime. He got the borough administrator gig the same time that Christie became governor, and was forced out of the position.

It just so happens that Christie HATES public servants. That’s basically how he’s made himself famous. The dots aren’t hard to connect here people: Christie is supported financially by Inglesino. Canning is likely a democrat and a public servant. Therefore Christie and Inglesino hate Canning and they’re doing this to get back at him.

Does anyone out there honestly think Chris Christie’s above that? I don’t, which is why Christie is my guy in 2016.

We also did a little background search on the attorney Inglesino hired, Tanya Helfand. She’s pretty much exactly what we expected. She owns her own law firm, and this is the cover photo:

Tanya is the borderline smokeshow in the middle, but it literally doesn’t get any more jersey than the ginger on the left. She couldn’t possibly reside in any other state in the union looking like that. Not sure about the woman on the right though. She looks like some kind of project that Tanya’s working on. Guarantee within a year she’s a smoke too.

So we went and read some client reviews about Tanya, who mainly does divorce and alimony proceedings. She’s got pretty damn good reviews (9.7/10). She’s apparently a bulldog in court, which I would obviously expect from the picture. But a common theme is that she sends her nudnik paralegals into court without telling her clients:

Tanya was more concerned about her purse matching her shoes than about my cases. Beware she doesn’t always show up at the hearing and often sends her paralegal without telling you. My husbands attorney made a me look an idiot because tanya and team only cared about their fee and not about working for it. Stay far away!!

What this idiot client doesn’t understand is that the shoes and the purse are what makes her such a bulldog. A hot bulldog attorney? No one wants to go to war against that. Unfortunately she sends “Tracy” in sometimes without bothering to tell her clients:

Throughout my case, Tanya was the person working with me. I was surprised when Tracy–whom I had never met–showed up to the final court date, and embarrassed that she had to ask opposing counsel for a copy of paperwork and to verify facts.

Nice going Tracy. Oh yea, and sometimes she likes to run the meter when you’re not looking:

Tanya also charged nearly double what she had quoted for my maximum expected budget. 

Not surprisingly, as I write this Rachel had her day in court. She lost. This is by far the most normal thing to ever happen in the state of New Jersey. Tanya gives exactly zero f***s since she’s getting paid either way.

But as scummy as Tanya Helfand and Inglesino are, the biggest scumbags in this whole story are the crooks who run Morris Catholic High School. The girl wasn’t paying her tuition. She should’ve been kicked out of school immediately. That’s how a business works. Instead, they got greedy, because they’re a corrupt Catholic school.

There is no bigger scam than a “Catholic” high school. All they care about is sports, and the kids who come out of them are ten times bigger scumbags than public school kids. That’s because catholic school kids can be as disrespectful and rude to teachers as they want to, because the school needs Mommy and Daddy’s money and can’t afford to kick them out. Back in my day, when you wanted to find a loosely morale young lady, you went to a school that rhymed with “Holy Shame.”

Don’t believe me? Here’s some pictures she took during school from her Facebook:

Looks like it’s pretty hard to be an A student at Morris Catholic High School. Here she is with some of her upstanding friends:

I see a red solo cup, and a middle finger in this picture. Therefore everyone in it is drunk.

And does it get any more catholic than this school sanctioned photo?

This is the point of the blog where your wife yells at you and calls you a pervert.

Rachel’s comments on this photo tell you everything else you need to know about her:

Anyone who makes a heart out of icons, says “love it”, and abbreviates laughing my ass off, is obviously still a moron. It doesn’t mean that they won’t make an intelligent person one day. It just means that they’re not capable of making good decisions now. So that’s why any parent who supports her moronic life choices is the definition of a Jersey scumbag.

Also, she’s got this quote underneath this picture:

I’m assuming that’s some sort of Marilyn Monroe quote. Generally anyone who quotes or iodizes Marilyn Monroe is an idiot. Drug addicted, strung out, home wrecker? Let’s be inspired by her quotes!!!

Instead of kicking her out, the school just decided to run up the parents bill instead. Why wouldn’t they? Kicking her out gets them nothing. At least now they found some idiot rival of her parents whose willing to pay for some super feminazi attorney to fight their battle for them free of charge. They have nothing to lose.

But please, don’t call yourself a “catholic” school:

The fourth commandment says “Honor thy mother and father.” She’s doing the exact opposite.

The sixth commandment basically outlaws premarital sex. This whole ordeal is because she wants to break the sixth commandment like you read about.

The eighth commandment says “Thou shalt not covet they neighbors house.” She’s coveting the shit out of her parent’s house while living rent free in her neighbor’s house.

So apparently the school is cool with her doing all of this as long as the checks keep rolling in. Not surprisingly, this is the head of their “board of trustees”:

Two words to sum up this guy: Jer – Zee.

This story represents everything that is wrong with America. TurtleBoy Sports as you know, is a family blog. We don’t support these types of immoral shenanigans. The girls needs to do one of two things:

1) Move on from her family, get knocked up by her loser boyfriend who will never pay her child support, take up smoking and become a waitress, or

2) Do the right thing, beg her parents for forgiveness for publicly humiliating them like this by dragging them into court, and start showing them the respect they deserve.

We strongly advise her to go with the latter.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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