North Smithfield Chudcyclist Steals A Little Girl’s Bike And Joyrides Around Town Because What Else Would A Thirty Nine Year Old Do

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer. 

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

Hit me up at


WOONSOCKET, R.I. — Police arrested a North Smithfield man who was spotted riding a small, white-and-pink girl’s bicycle near Hamlet Avenue at about 1:40 a.m. Monday.

Jeffrey Beaudreault told the police his vehicle had just been towed by another officer and he’d borrowed the bicycle of his friend’s daughter to ride home, according to the police report.

But when police attempted to contact the bicycle’s owner, a resident of the house told police his granddaughter’s bicycle, which had been stored in a common doorway, was missing. He accurately described the bicycle to police: white with pink tires.

Police arrested Beaudreault and drove him to the Police Department, where the bicycle was returned to its owner.

During processing, police said, Beaudreault repeatedly stated, “Come on man, I was just trying to get home.

Real men…ride pink bikes at 2am?

There are no pictures of bike thief on said stolen bike, but I would imagine it would look something like this:

I can think of about a hundred different ways to get my ass home in lieu of a vehicle and none of them involves stealing a little girl’s bike and riding off into the night. I don’t think this guy is a violent, raging criminal, I just think he’s really dumb. He’s been caught for a couple B&Es, a DIU, the customary driving with a suspended license, and the usual child court cases.

Middle age has not been kind to Jeff. Getting caught by the cops for riding a stolen barbie bike has got to be a low point.

The comments on the article were what really got me. Most people went with the traditional “douche”, but immediately some went straight for drug blame, which somehow morphed into an impromptu prayer sesh.

Hopefully Bryan knows him well enough to supply some of that bail money, cause judging by Amy’s comment below, Jeffey is brokey.

Then there’s this little exchange below, which I honestly feel dumber after having read. I don’t even know if this chudstuffer is a junkie. He fits the description of an unemployed loser oaf more than a junkie.

I think Kara’s comment may be the most insightful thing I’ve read all week. Regardless of the status of this guy’s drug-use or lack thereof, it’s a valid point to make.


We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

1 Comment(s)
  • Mark D
    June 27, 2017 at 11:13 am

    Yep, Kathy, the police are definitely the bad guys in this situation. Stop enabling you effin moron.

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron