All-Star Criminals WTF

Nutbag Poopmeister Forces Her Way Into Home- Makes 13 Year Old Girl Watch Her Take A Dump & Steals Her Flip-Flops

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No, this isn’t fake news and this creepy toadburger is known locally for being completely off her rocker. (duh)

Her name is Chrystal A. Rose and she recently showed up to a house in Maine where a 13 year old girl was home alone. Once inside she forced the teenager to HOLD HER HAND while she pinched a turd biscuit, made her flush the toilet and then snatched a pair of flipflops before taking off.


Uhm, yep. Totally random event.

Honestly, reading this made me want to double check all the locks on my doors before some crackerjack from my 7th grade P.E. class showed up for an unannounced septic tank donation.

You can check out Chrystals Facebook page here. 

Or her other Facebook page here.

Here are some highlights of her widely displayed insanity:

Shes got poop jokes:

She also has the balls to call this guy a loser:


‘Murica skivvies for some poor bastard:

She had the local PD squad cars as her profile picture:

Oh and she just got out of jail:

Chrystal was sent to jail because she went on some manic tirade and called 911 a whole bunch of times back in May/June of this year:

And she’s been a menace to her community for quite some time:

And the worst part of the whole thing (other than successfully scarring that 13 year old for life) is that evidently she has a daughter of her own who is in custody of Chrystal’s mother. She frequently posts nonsensical Facebook rants geared towards her mom which both breaks my heart and makes me sick at the same time:

Let’s be real here. Chrystal clearly isn’t your run of the mill “crazy” person. She’s unlike our usual blog MVP’s because she’s ACTUALLY very, very mentally unhinged. Obviously it’s hard for someone to be away from their kid but she’s not fit to be around ANY child, including her own. She claims to live with her “uncle” (no idea if he’s actually related to her or not) but these are the kinds of conditions she’s living in. Her house is a friggin’ dump in every single photo she’s ever posted, even when her daughter visits:

Filthy, fire hazard stove with old cans of beans and cigarette butts:

Ashtrays and piles of clutter:

What seems to be a kitchen covered in grease and grime:

Dingy bedroom:

Clutter, clutter and more clutter:

And a scale I wouldn’t trust to give an accurate weight calculation because there’s an added 5+ pounds of yuck on it:

And I’m not going to blame her mental state COMPLETELY on whatever she’s been packing into the bowls strewn about her abode but something tells me there’s a good chance it isn’t weed.

Just sayin’, partaking in herbal therapy usually doesn’t result in destroying a car.:

Mentally ill? Drug addict? I’m going to guess she’s a little bit of both.

Thankfully she didn’t make it far and the police picked her up.

Whatever she’s been doing, whatever the state has been doing, it’s not working people.  Chrystal cannot and should not be wandering around and left to her own devices. Hopefully everyone involved (courts, family, etc) pulls their heads out of their asses and does the right thing for her and the community and gets her some real help. You can’t expect people like this to seek their own assistance. If you have to section her in the courts then by all means get your asses in gear. Otherwise we’ll see her back on the news in 6 months and everyone can play the blame game after she’s driven her car into the side of a preschool or abducted a flock of sheep.

14 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    August 9, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Well, with the way feminists have redefined rape to include everything a man can possibly do (including breathing and existing), it’s possible that she was raped 52 times.

  • August 8, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    It’s a lot of fun to make fun of mental illness.

    When are you going to pick on people with cancer because they’re bald?

    • Walter
      August 8, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      Meth. No question.

  • Fuck You
    August 8, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    I love how Burger King pancake breakfast is her “real breakfast” after getting out of the can. Jail food is probably better lol

  • They call me Ponch
    August 8, 2017 at 12:00 pm

    Hold my hand. Say it with me.
    “Who does number two work for?!”



  • Finn
    August 8, 2017 at 10:09 am

    Who sleeps with their shirtless uncle??? The creep (and vile) factor is off the chart.

  • gfldgadfly
    August 8, 2017 at 9:58 am

    Did Abi dye her hair?

  • Jack Mehoff
    August 8, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Send her to Mass. Maura Healey with appoint her an “Executive Assistant for Clitoral Relations” with a six figure salary.

    Problem solved, at least for Maine.

  • Barry
    August 8, 2017 at 8:28 am

    In the pictures I see beans, coffee, and cigarettes. Basically the poop trifecta. This will cause temporary insanity until the subject is able to poop

  • Barry
    August 8, 2017 at 8:10 am

    This all started when her mom named her Chrystal.

    • August 8, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      That is the most accurate statement I’ve heard all week.

  • Stunt Penis
    August 8, 2017 at 7:34 am

    The neighbors she’s “terrorizing” can thank the closing of State mental institutions for her being on the street. Perhaps that’s something they should think about the next time they walk into a voting booth and decide to pull the lever for the “progressive”, in the name of “gender fluidity”.

    • Mike
      August 8, 2017 at 9:19 am

      Progressives spend money on mental health. Mass has to put up with the 6 surrounding states border hoping trying to get some help.

  • bigdaddy
    August 8, 2017 at 7:30 am

    sadly she wont be locked up until she seriously hurts or kills some one

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