Politics Sports

Obama picks all swing states in NCAA Tournament bracket. Republicans express March Madness about all this leisure time.

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As part of our reblog series we will periodically be reblogging certain blogs from the domain that we purchased. The guy who wrote the other blog had an ongoing basketball feud with President Obama. He wrote this piece last year, challenging the President in a bracket challenge. Needless to say, Obama absolutely facialized him. He had one of the worst brackets in the history of the world. Nevertheless, the mix of politics and basketball is intriguing. In his honor we will be writing two post blogs on this topic: 1) Predicting Obama’s bracket, 2) Challenging Obama’s bracket. Enjoy. 

It’s March Madness baby!! This is a special time of year when you glue yourself to the TV to watch an 8 seed play a 9 seed in a game that ultimately won’t matter. If you’re a Republican it’s a very special time of the year for you too. You get to blame all of America’s problems on President Obama’s NCAA bracket TV special!! Just like clockwork every year Obama does a 5 minute thing where he picks his teams. You know how Obama rolls. He’s gotta present the image of being kind of hip, in touch with the common man, and able to carry on a conversation about sports at the local pub.

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In what would seem to be a harmless 5 minute break from Senate filibusters, Obama usually comes into our homes, picks a bunch of 1-seeds and then goes back to being a visionary world leader or free-market hating socialist (depending on who you ask). It’s supposed to be a completely non-political move that everyone can enjoy and respect. A time when we set aside our political differences and just talk hoop. Not for my republican friends though. For them this is an annual ritual of blaming Obama for not fixing all of our problems. I mean, as they’ve pointed out to me on Facebook, we have a budget crisis, and he has time to fill out a bracket??!! OUTRAGEOUS!!! If only Obama realized what my friends on Facebook clearly have figured out – we are only 10 minutes away from fixing all of our country’s problems, so it’s either solve ALL of these problems in 10 minutes, or fill out a bracket. It’s one or the other. Can’t have both. Clearly Obama has made his choice.

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I do have a beef with Obama, but it has nothing to do with him compromising national security to fill out a bracket. For the record I think it’s hilarious that people say stuff like this. Look, you can hate the guy, and I get that. But seriously, a bracket?? Like he left a really important meeting to go fill this out? “Yo, hold on Joint Chiefs of Staff, before we decide whether or not to bomb Syria let me go fill out my bracket”.  No, I don’t have a problem with him doing this. My beef is with his choices. I realized over the years that he has a certain tendency when he makes picks. He’s not stupid. When it comes to his picks, he doesn’t leave politics at the door.

Obama is a politician first and foremost. He’s the face of the Democratic Party. He knows areas where the democrats are vulnerable, and where they are safe. Over the years he always makes sure to pick “swing” states to make the Final 4. If you’re not familiar, a swing state is a state whose voters are basically split down the middle between the 2 parties. Massachusetts isn’t a swing state since they’re guaranteed to vote democrat. Oklahoma is guaranteed republican. He gets nothing out of picking either of these states for the Final 4 (not that that’s a problem for UMass). He’s also very careful not to pick too many upsets. If you start picking 8 seeds to beat 1 seeds, that’s mad disrespect right there. People from that area don’t forget that s*** come next election. And although he doesn’t have to run again, he would prefer if the democrats took back congress for his final 2 years so he doesn’t have to deal with John Boehner anymore!!

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Here’s Obama’s picks picks.

Midwest Bracket

Obama: Louisville                                                  Me: St. Louis

Obama’s got Missouri winning their first round game. Swing state. He’s got Oklahoma State losing in the 2nd round. Useless to him. He’s got Cincinnati winning a game. Ohio is of course THE swing state every election. He played it safe and took Duke, Michigan State, Louisville and St. Louis as the final 4 in this bracket. He’s got Louisville winning it though. Why? Kentucky bros. Kentucky is a big pain in Obama’s ass. Their 2 Senators are Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell. McConnell is the Republican leader in the Senate and Paul is talking about running for President in 2016. Louisville is a democrat haven in that state. He can only do the democrats a favor by picking Louisville. That and they’re really good and the top overall seed.

My bracket is similar. I got the same 4 teams (top seeds). I just don’t think teams like Memphis, Oklahoma State, and Creighton have what it takes. Ultimately though I have St. Louis beating Michigan State to make it out of the bracket. The Bilikens are for real. They kicked the snot out of everyone in a loaded Atlantic-10 conference this year. They rolled through the conference tournament, making easy work of VCU and Butler. They’re big, they can shoot, and the play well together. Michigan State and Duke is an epic matchup, but Duke is hit or miss in these tournaments. Expect to see St. Louis in Atlanta.

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West Bracket

Obama: Ohio State                                                Me: New Mexico

Obama is a smart guy. He knows that Ohio is the most divided state politically in our country. There’s a reason this is the state where Presidential campaigns spend most of their time. They ALWAYS pick the winner. Bush won in 2004 because he won this state. Picking them was a no-brainer for the Commander in Chief. Gonzaga is the top seed. They’re from Washington state though. That’s a safe democrat state. No point picking them. So of course he has them getting upset by 5th seeded Wisconsin. This is a state where democratic state legislators literally fled the state in 2011 to avoid voting on a controversial union bill. This is a state with a republican governor who was nearly recalled last year, and is hated by millions and loved by millions. This is a state that he’s won twice, but not by that much. Wisconsin was a no-brainer to match up against Ohio State. His other picks? Notre Dame over Iowa State (spoke at ND’s graduation). Pittsburgh over Wichita State (Kansas is uselss to him). New Mexico winning twice (swing state). This was totally the right play.

Kind of messed up, but once again I have the exact same final 4 in this bracket as him. I love Wisconsin in the tournament. Love em. I dare you to watch one of their games. It’s the most boring, terrible basketball you’ve ever seen. But it works. Every year. They’ll win twice without scoring 50 points. Just a bunch of tall white guys from Madison who are taking a break from milking cows. Gets the job done. I got them beating Gonzaga, but losing in the Elite 8 to New Mexico. I think New Mexico is for real this year. They’ve been creeping up the last few years and have disappointed in the tournament. They’re ready now though, and their conference (Mountain West) is one of the best in the country.

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South Bracket

Obama: Florida                                                        Me: Georgetown

That Obama is a really crafty dude. Of course he picks the 3rd seeded Florida Gators. This is the state that made George Bush president in 2000. This is the state that he barely won twice. This is the 4th biggest state in the country with nearly 30 congressmen. He needs everyone from the Sunshine State on board. The top seed is Kansas. That’s republican country. He’s done kissing their ass. He’s got Kansas losing to Michigan in the Sweet 16. Michigan’s another state with a lot of congressmen from both political parties. He needs every one of those unskilled unionized auto workers ready to vote democrat in 2014. He’s got Georgetown (the 2nd seed) getting beat by Florida in the sweet 16. Another no-brainer. Georgetown is a liberal paradise. Every artistic, free-thinking beatnik that lives within 20 miles of Washington D.C. goes here to get their organic coffee. Washington D.C. is the safest political zone in the country for Obama’s party. He gets nothing out of picking them except more love from a bunch of guys in skinny jeans and girls with armpit hair.

The President and I differ a lot in this bracket. I don’t trust Michigan. They’re too inexperienced and have lost some close games as of late. Kansas I think will implode on itself, as it has done from time to time this season. I like 5th seeded VCU a lot. They’re an Atlantic-10 team with the sickest full-court press (called Havoc) that you’ve ever seen. I like them to beat both Michigan and Kansas. I really don’t like this bracket at all, and I certainly don’t like Florida. The SEC is terrible and Florida wasn’t good enough to beat Marshall Henderon’s Ole Miss Rebels. I really want to pick VCU, but it’s kind of risky taking a 5 seed (who could lose in the 1st round) to go that far. I went safe and took Georgetown. Can’t go wrong with the Big East.

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East Bracket

Obama: Indiana                                                                         Me: Miami

Indiana is a state Obama won in 2008 but lost in 2012. They’re also the top seed. As a matter of fact Obama takes the top 4 seeds (Indiana, Miami, Marquette and Syracuse) in his Sweet 16. Miami is in Florida, so that’s a no-brainer politically to make the Elite 8. Marquette is in Wisconsin, another important state. Syracuse is in New York, which is pretty safe democrat territory. But upstate New York? That’s a whole different animal. Lot of gun-totin’ red-blooded Americans up that way. He’s gotta solidify that whole state. Can’t just be happy with the liberal do-gooders in New York City. He’s got some other smart picks in the early rounds. North Carolina State over Temple? NC is another state that he won and then lost. Temple is in Philly. Big cities are safe democratic strongholds. UNLV over California? Nancy Pelosi’s seat is safe for life out in Berkeley, CA. Nevada though? He needs to make sure that Harry Reid keeps control of the Senate, lest those bastards from Kentucky take over. Illinois over Colorado? Just letting the peeps back home know he hasn’t forgotten about them.

I really want to pick NC State to beat Indiana. I just don’t believe in the Hoosiers this year. I think they’re the first 1 seed to go. Haven’t decided if I’m going to pull the trigger on that, but either way I’m not taking Indiana very far. Upset of the bracket is Montana over Syracuse, just because. Montana is a bad-ass state. It’s like the size of Mongolia. I imagine a team full of dudes with beards named Tuff Harris. Ultimately the 2 teams that I love in this bracket are Butler and Miami. Butler is the best coached team in the country. They got a white kid named Rotnei Clarke that is real deal Holyfield. Oh yea, and the last 2 times Butler made the NCAA tournament they made the National Championship game. Ultimately though I don’t see anyone beating Miami. They’re nasty. They won the ACC. They are coached by Jim Larranaga, who led 11th seeded George Mason to the Final 4 in 2006. I really look forward to seeing a Butler-Miami Sweet 16 matchup, but ultimately I think Miami wins and goes on to the Final 4.

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Final 4

Obama Champion:

Indiana over Florida; Louisville over Ohio State

Indiana over Louisville

At this point what you pick no longer matters. You’d be lucky to have 2 of your teams make it. Simply picking teams to make it this far already gets you all the politically brownie points you need. Obama is free to do whatever he wants here so he picked the 2 teams that were favored. Ultimately he takes the Hoosiers. Can’t say that’s a bad pick.

My Champion: Miami over Georgetown; St. Louis over New Mexico

Miami over St. Louis

My belief is that when you get to the Final 4 you stop picking your Cinderella picks. If you want to win your bracket you need the points, and these are big points. Gotta go with the U here. They’re a team that’s beaten Duke by 30 and they’re well coached. Love the Billikens, but ultimately Miami is the safest pick in my Final 4.

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3 Comment(s)
  • tim
    March 22, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    oh, i just reread the top of this. now i get it. boy, what a numbnuts the other guy was. dumbest. bracket. ever.

  • tim
    March 22, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Man, how many beers did you have before you did your bracket? New Mexico? St. Louis? Manohman. But seriously, this is a weird post — filled with mistakes. Obama’s final four is MSU, Louisville, Arizona and Fla. He had OH State going out in the round of 16. Georgetown’s not even in the tournament. (He had DC’s GWashington and American U bounced early). The A-10 final was VCU and St. Joe’s — no St, Loo. Is this post left over from last year?

    • March 22, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      LOL you should’ve read this year’s bracket. We nailed Obama’s picks.

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