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Last year we wrote about this spoiled rich white girl with a hyphenated name from Oberlin College, Della Kurzer-Zlotnick. You may recall that protesting for Mike Brown and Eric Garner was all the rage last December on college campuses, and as a result our girl Della emailed her professor, and demanded that students be exempt from the final if they were protesting, because that should take priority. She even went so far to say that what black students at Oberlin were dealing with was more traumatic than the Sandy Hook massacre!! Because a bunch of kids whining about criminals getting shot is one of the hardest things anyone will ever have to go through. Her professor’s response was EPIC:
No. Just no. Everything you just said is dumb. I know you think you’re smart because you go to college, but your brain is really just filled with cream cheese and idealism. We congratulate you on your incorporation of PC buzzwords, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are making a conscious choice to protest instead of study. You don’t have to protest, since nothing is wrong and a grand jury decided that Mike Brown wasn’t murdered. You can if you want to, but if you don’t study for your final as a result of that, then you have to deal with these fancy things called “consequences.” Your butthurt generation isn’t familiar with them since you’ve all received trophies despite your never ending supply of failures. But they exist in real life, and now you must deal with them.
Also, you are not even close to being oppressed, and neither are any other students who have the privilege to go to Lena Dunham’s private school alma matter in Ohio.
Anyway, Oberlin is back in the news again after issuing what is perhaps the most ridiculous set of demands by entitled college students we have seen thus far. If you get a chance and wanna have a good laugh, read the 14 page list of demands. I can’t stop laughing. Here’s my favorite demand:
We DEMAND that Black student leaders be provided a $8.20/hr stipend for their continuous organizing efforts around the well being of Black people on Oberlin’s campus, city and beyond.
LOL. They wanna be paid for protesting now. Ya got that? Let me explain to you their rationale. Oberlin College, like every other progressive liberal school in this country, is racist. Yes, I know it may sound word, but even far left progressives are racist now. The students would prefer that their schools NOT be so racist, but unfortunately they are. This leaves the students with no choice but to protest in order to force the school to not be racist. But the students shouldn’t have to do this, the school should already be doing it. Therefore the students are doing the job of the school, and they should be compensated for it.
You can’t make this stuff up. They actually believe this. Unnecessary voluntary protesting = hard labor.
The 14-page document opens with this nice buzzword salad:
Oberlin College and Conservatory is an unethical institution From capitalizing on massive labor exploitation across campus, to the Conservatory of Music treating Black and other students of color as less than through its everyday running, Oberlin College unapologetically acts as [sic] unethical institution, antithetical to its historical vision.
“This institution functions on the premises of imperialism, white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, and a cissexist heteropatriarchy,” it continues.
Stop the fight!!! “Cissexist heteropatriarcy.” Let’s get a hippie slow clap going for that one. Wow, just wow. What a fantastic, borderline orgasmic combination of hippie buzzwords that is. Somewhere Boom-Boom Conner is sitting in a bathtub having happy thoughts, and kicking herself for not coming up with that one.
Other demands on the list include one for the “establishment of special, segregated black-only ‘safe spaces’ across campus” and a “40 percent increase in the number of black students in the school’s jazz department by 2022.”
Segregated black only safe spaces? Oh, you mean like Jim Crow? I think America tried that one time. Not sure how it ended up. Might wanna Google it. Sounds like a lot of progress coming from these obviously very smart college students.
They’re also very upset about the ethnic food on campus:
Students at an ultra-liberal Ohio college are in an uproar over the fried chicken, sushi and Vietnamese sandwiches served in the school cafeterias, complaining the dishes are “insensitive” and “culturally inappropriate.” General Tso’s chicken was made with steamed chicken instead of fried — which is not authentically Chinese, and simply “weird,” one student bellyached in the Oberlin Review.
Others were up in arms over banh mi Vietnamese sandwiches served with coleslaw instead of pickled vegetables, and on ciabatta bread, rather than the traditional French baguette. “It was ridiculous,” gripes Diep Nguyen, a freshman who is a Vietnam native.
Worse, the sushi rice was undercooked in a way that was, according to one student, “disrespectful” of her culture. Tomoyo Joshi, a junior from Japan, was highly offended by this flagrant violation of her rice. “I f people not from that heritage take food, modify it and serve it as ‘authentic,’ it is appropriative,” she said.
You call that a rant? I’ll show you a rant about Chinese food:
Where have you been for the last year Michelle Derez? That is still one of the most epic blogs we’ve ever published.
If these whining crybabies ever go to the Super Chinese Buffet in Webster Square they are going to lose their freaking MINDS!! You want your General Tso’s chicken steamed instead of fried? LOL. That’s gonna be the least of your problems at the Super Chinese Buffet. Wait until you see the 8 year old girl cutting green beans with dull scissors on the uncleaned table next to you. She also happens to be the only person in the whole joint who speaks English, and 90% of the time she won’t be able to help you because she’s doing her math homework.
They also had this interesting demand:
The cafeteria there wasn’t serving enough vegan and vegetarian options and had failed to make fried chicken a permanent feature on the Sunday night menu, the school newspaper reported. Those students started a petition that also recommends the reduction of cream used in dishes, because “black American food doesn’t have much cream in it,” according to the Review.
Ummmmm….isn’t this kind of the opposite thing the protester crowd should be pushing for? Ya know, because fried chicken has certain racist connotations to it? So these nudniks want segregation and mandatory fried chicken. Sounds like they’re really making strides towards racial progress over there at Oberlin College.
The bottom line is that I never want these list of demands to end. Each one is funnier than the last and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.
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