Only 1 Kid Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Him And Amherst Was East Berlin For Blarney Blowout Today Because Of Larry Kelley
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UMass always has this gigantic all day party around this time every year called Blarney Blowout. But the problem with UMass is that UMass kids don’t know how to not ruin a nice thing. In the past it has started off like this:
But ended up like this:
This year’s highlight comes from some dooshnozzles taking out the trash and getting into a broo-ha-ha on Main Street. This video is great:
“@barstoolsports: Just taking the trash out to the curb #blarneyblowout pic.twitter.com/P7FQig4vzP"@TheJustinJacoby @BmoMoriarty
— Fred Ewing (@leebrontweets) March 5, 2016
White kids trying to talk like they’re from the hood. Timberlands and jeans. Over aggressive females who think it’s a smart idea to jump in the middle of a fight. Chicks smacking dudes in the face. This is the most UMass thing I’ve ever seen.
You almost have to respect the kid who got tossed around like a dead hooker:
Kid got right back up and attacked not only the kid who punched him in the face, but also the kid who probably saved his life by tearing his dooshnozzle friend off of him:
Everything you need to know about these idiots can be seen right here:
Spoilers on a Subaru with New York plates. The ultimate asshole.
This is why UMass can’t have nice things. The town of Amherst has been cracking down on the Blarney because drunkards stumble up and down the street taking dumps on people’s lawns, getting in fights, and molesting livestock. And it was all led by this guy right here:
His name is Larry Kelley and he runs a blog called “Only in the Republic of Amherst.” He is the official town grinch of Blarney Blowout. Not that I can blame him, because UMass kids don’t know how to have nice things. I was one of them once, I know this from experience.
Anyway, Larry goes to Hampshire District Court pretty much every day, takes pictures of students and other people who were arrested, and then posts them on his blog in order to publicly humiliate them. Today was his Christmas because this is what the Townhouses used to look like at the Blarney Blowout:
An ode to Blarney https://t.co/t7XqMVdHxe pic.twitter.com/hd2EqkI4RO
— HC at UMass Amherst (@HerCampusUMass) March 5, 2016
And here’s how Larry reported them today:
North #Amherst Townhouse quads a ghost town. Massive police presence. #blarneyblowout https://t.co/fQY19srKTr pic.twitter.com/DPfJybpi41
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Larry Kelley – 1, UMass drunkards – 0.
Larry Kelley’s Twitter today was live play by play of all things Blarney Blowout as he basked in his victory:
100+ police vehicles on scene for Blarney Blowout morning briefing in the little college town of #Amherst. pic.twitter.com/dn0f9WILDZ
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Party of a "couple hundred" in backyard, Hobart Lane. APD mobile response team getting ready to break up. #blarneyblowout
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
APD clearing out large party Amity Street, town center. #blarneyblowout. pic.twitter.com/fcLyqINrZR
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Fairly large crowd dressed in green carrying alcohol heading down Main Street. #blarneyblowout pic.twitter.com/8FnHSAtt2i
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
APD including K9 Dash getting ready to break up parties on Shumway Street. pic.twitter.com/4lOcVG6vbX
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Large party on College Street causing traffic problem. APD sorting them out. #blarneyblowout pic.twitter.com/tJlmtDrMUg
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
I don’t know what the solution for this is. On the one hand, I feel like college kids should be able to have a good time and party. On the other hand, UMass kids don’t know how to have nice things. I feel like the solution would be to just lock them all in a steel cage and whatever happens, happens. Do whatever you want and the cops won’t bother anyone. You just can’t ever leave the cage or else you go to jail. Kind of like The Wire, Season 3.
UMass administration thought it would be wise to offer a free concert for UMass kids to go to instead of waking up at 8 AM and chugging Mr. Boston straight from the plastic bottle. As Larry pointed out, it didn’t go too well….
UMPD at Mullins Center concert: "Still under 1,000 patrons and we have more leaving than coming." #blarneyblowout
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Same goes for the student turnout for UMass’ basketball game against LaSalle
After all that happened today, not too surprising by the student turnout. #UMassJournalism pic.twitter.com/4B7kN6mY7Z
— Andrew Cyr (@acyrjournalism) March 6, 2016
Then again maybe if your basketball team didn’t COMPLETELY BLOW and wasn’t coached by the worst coach in the NCAA, maybe then you’d actually give students a reason to show up.
So when you have thousands of drunkards wandering around town like the walking dead
https://twitter.com/colbysears/status/706160861392588801
with nothing to do and no real plans for the day, it often leads to beastiality:
Hadley PD requesting UMPD come open gate to UMass Horse Farm and assist them with college aged male messing with the horses.
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
Llamas on the loose near Rt116 in North #Amherst. APD enroute.
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) March 5, 2016
I’m telling you, a gigantic cage would fix all of this. They can smoke, drink, bang, defecate, and worship satan. At least then the llamas and horses will be safe.
Basically because of Larry Kelley and his successful crusade against debauchery, the town of Amherst transforms into East Berlin circa 1985 on Blarney Blowout:
Inside Puffton, police turn away people who don't live inside. #blarneyblowout pic.twitter.com/NjQ04RhNaR
— Shaina Mishkin (@ShainaMishkin) March 5, 2016
Nevertheless, you can’t stop UMass students from getting completely shitfaced before Turtleboy Jr. finshes his first episode of Micky Mouse Clubhouse:
Blarney update: do NOT take 9 shots before 10am on an empty stomach and expect to make it through the day
— sarah hirst (@_SarahHirst) March 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/kateswajger/status/706116671086456833
happy blarney kids pic.twitter.com/rRlMc4zf2H
— Erin Dipity (@errinamber) March 5, 2016
https://twitter.com/AlanaMac22/status/706157777929039872
i didn't know how much i needed to eat french toast sticks and tater tots together drenched in syrup until now #blarney
— michael (@mchladt) March 6, 2016
https://www.instagram.com/p/BClA7dEL7y8/?taken-at=171654
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCl1_bTAAsd/?taken-at=171654
https://www.instagram.com/p/BClbkgGvCyk/?taken-at=171654
I love that the kid in the middle is wearing the Worcester Celtic 5K shirt.
This is my favorite part right here:
Officials praise student conduct; #BlarneyBlowout passes with few arrests, disturbances https://t.co/4cCkAzAuob pic.twitter.com/1EvxFkWOJ6
— Daily Hampshire Gazette (@DailyHampGaz) March 6, 2016
Only at UMass does the administration thank the students because only a small handful of them were arrested. Baby steps people, baby steps. If the UMass students ever hope to get their weekend of debauchery back, there is only one person they can turn to….
https://twitter.com/tashmaniand3vil/status/706173417880469506
Oh well, could be worst I guess. You could be going to Bowdoin College and freaking out about white people in sombreros. At the end of the day these kids will graduate with minimal debt and tons of stories to tell, in spite of Larry Kelley.
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9 Comment(s)
Thanks for the reminder on why UMass is what it is. A middling state school with fantasies of more. Never to be confused with Lord Jeffs.
We can thank the State of Massachusetts for that. The fact that they fund the school at a level on par with Mississippi and Arkansas means that we have to let in trash from New Jersey and New York to balance the budget and pay for our 19 Vice Chancellors of Diversity.
Whatever happened to the Lord Jeffs anyway? Isn’t their new mascot some type of non-cisgendered pansyass transgender or something?
The DDR analogy is more appropriate than you think: East Germany was collapsing in 1985, the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.
UMass is collapsing and for a lot of the same reasons.
We partied hard in the day, but we never destroyed things or ruined others good times.
That kid in the video should be arrested for assault (the video will convict) and then be expelled from UMass. In big boy world there are repercussions. Gotta learn sooner or later, and only yourself to blame.
TB – now the hacker (Kevin Lynch most likely) is messing with articles through this medium with windows closing it. Just an FYI as this article seems to be not effected for now.
Been there done that and survived. I got scared a little bit looking at those pictures however. Could be an age thing.
I spent this whole article looking for my coworker who attends UMass in the crowds. Not that I expected to see him – he’s not really the “drunken debauchery” type.
Now… one of my other coworkers who’s off at school right now (not UMass)… the old school Blarney would be right up his alley. He’s the “doing coke off a hooker’s ass” type.
‘BLARNEY’ Blowout? That’s raciss.
But white people can’t suffer racism! /s