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Only 1 Kid Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Him And Amherst Was East Berlin For Blarney Blowout Today Because Of Larry Kelley

Only 1 Kid Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Him And Amherst Was East Berlin For Blarney Blowout Today Because Of Larry Kelley

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UMass always has this gigantic all day party around this time every year called Blarney Blowout. But the problem with UMass is that UMass kids don’t know how to not ruin a nice thing. In the past it has started off like this:

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But ended up like this:

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This year’s highlight comes from some dooshnozzles taking out the trash and getting into a broo-ha-ha on Main Street. This video is great:

White kids trying to talk like they’re from the hood. Timberlands and jeans. Over aggressive females who think it’s a smart idea to jump in the middle of a fight. Chicks smacking dudes in the face. This is the most UMass thing I’ve ever seen.

You almost have to respect the kid who got tossed around like a dead hooker:

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Kid got right back up and attacked not only the kid who punched him in the face, but also the kid who probably saved his life by tearing his dooshnozzle friend off of him:

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Everything you need to know about these idiots can be seen right here:

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Spoilers on a Subaru with New York plates. The ultimate asshole.

Tattoos Massachusetts

This is why UMass can’t have nice things. The town of Amherst has been cracking down on the Blarney because drunkards stumble up and down the street taking dumps on people’s lawns, getting in fights, and molesting livestock. And it was all led by this guy right here:

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His name is Larry Kelley and he runs a blog called “Only in the Republic of Amherst.” He is the official town grinch of Blarney Blowout. Not that I can blame him, because UMass kids don’t know how to have nice things. I was one of them once, I know this from experience.

Anyway, Larry goes to Hampshire District Court pretty much every day, takes pictures of students and other people who were arrested, and then posts them on his blog in order to publicly humiliate them. Today was his Christmas because this is what the Townhouses used to look like at the Blarney Blowout:

And here’s how Larry reported them today:

Larry Kelley – 1, UMass drunkards – 0.

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Larry Kelley’s Twitter today was live play by play of all things Blarney Blowout as he basked in his victory:

I don’t know what the solution for this is. On the one hand, I feel like college kids should be able to have a good time and party. On the other hand, UMass kids don’t know how to have nice things. I feel like the solution would be to just lock them all in a steel cage and whatever happens, happens. Do whatever you want and the cops won’t bother anyone. You just can’t ever leave the cage or else you go to jail. Kind of like The Wire, Season 3.

UMass administration thought it would be wise to offer a free concert for UMass kids to go to instead of waking up at 8 AM and chugging Mr. Boston straight from the plastic bottle. As Larry pointed out, it didn’t go too well….

Same goes for the student turnout for UMass’ basketball game against LaSalle

Then again maybe if your basketball team didn’t COMPLETELY BLOW and wasn’t coached by the worst coach in the NCAA, maybe then you’d actually give students a reason to show up.

So when you have thousands of drunkards wandering around town like the walking dead

https://twitter.com/colbysears/status/706160861392588801

with nothing to do and no real plans for the day, it often leads to beastiality:

I’m telling you, a gigantic cage would fix all of this. They can smoke, drink, bang, defecate, and worship satan. At least then the llamas and horses will be safe.

Basically because of Larry Kelley and his successful crusade against debauchery, the town of Amherst transforms into East Berlin circa 1985 on Blarney Blowout:

Nevertheless, you can’t stop UMass students from getting completely shitfaced before Turtleboy Jr. finshes his first episode of Micky Mouse Clubhouse:

https://twitter.com/kateswajger/status/706116671086456833

https://twitter.com/AlanaMac22/status/706157777929039872

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I love that the kid in the middle is wearing the Worcester Celtic 5K shirt.

This is my favorite part right here:

Only at UMass does the administration thank the students because only a small handful of them were arrested. Baby steps people, baby steps. If the UMass students ever hope to get their weekend of debauchery back, there is only one person they can turn to….

https://twitter.com/tashmaniand3vil/status/706173417880469506

Oh well, could be worst I guess. You could be going to Bowdoin College and freaking out about white people in sombreros. At the end of the day these kids will graduate with minimal debt and tons of stories to tell, in spite of Larry Kelley.

 

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Tattoos Massachusetts

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9 Comment(s)
  • Publius
    March 6, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Thanks for the reminder on why UMass is what it is. A middling state school with fantasies of more. Never to be confused with Lord Jeffs.

    • Harvey Flanagan
      March 6, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      We can thank the State of Massachusetts for that. The fact that they fund the school at a level on par with Mississippi and Arkansas means that we have to let in trash from New Jersey and New York to balance the budget and pay for our 19 Vice Chancellors of Diversity.

      Whatever happened to the Lord Jeffs anyway? Isn’t their new mascot some type of non-cisgendered pansyass transgender or something?

  • Dr. Ed
    March 6, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    The DDR analogy is more appropriate than you think: East Germany was collapsing in 1985, the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.
    UMass is collapsing and for a lot of the same reasons.

  • Jake from Statefarm
    March 6, 2016 at 7:52 am

    We partied hard in the day, but we never destroyed things or ruined others good times.

    That kid in the video should be arrested for assault (the video will convict) and then be expelled from UMass. In big boy world there are repercussions. Gotta learn sooner or later, and only yourself to blame.

  • BobnMic
    March 6, 2016 at 4:59 am

    TB – now the hacker (Kevin Lynch most likely) is messing with articles through this medium with windows closing it. Just an FYI as this article seems to be not effected for now.

  • BobnMic
    March 6, 2016 at 3:50 am

    Been there done that and survived. I got scared a little bit looking at those pictures however. Could be an age thing.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    March 6, 2016 at 2:44 am

    I spent this whole article looking for my coworker who attends UMass in the crowds. Not that I expected to see him – he’s not really the “drunken debauchery” type.

    Now… one of my other coworkers who’s off at school right now (not UMass)… the old school Blarney would be right up his alley. He’s the “doing coke off a hooker’s ass” type.

  • WormtownorBust
    March 5, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    ‘BLARNEY’ Blowout? That’s raciss.

    • CJ
      March 6, 2016 at 1:16 am

      But white people can’t suffer racism! /s

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