As expected, Kyra Provost is less than thrilled with her newfound Turtleboy fame. Can’t say I blame her – well, actually, yes I can. You don’t end up starring in your own blog here unless you’ve pissed off many, many people in your path of grimy destruction and additionally leave enough corroborating evidence of your shitbaggery strewn across the internet like unsightly piles of crusty panties. I’m looking at you, Princess Sugar Boogers.
Needless to say, she wisely opted to publish a public response on her Facebook page, which was sent to us in an absolute flurry of messages that momentarily dominated the inbox, and it is amazing. Mainly because it makes absofuckinglutely no sense whatsoever.
God do I love this shit. Let’s get this straight, Lie-ra. You’ve always had a job, since you were 15, except for the periods you were without a job. You are not now, nor were you ever, homeless; except that time you were crashing with your friend, and then again when she subsequently kicked you out over one name your “Boyfriend”, (with whom you share a last name, and have a marriage certificate with) called her, which definitely was the most unpleasant part of your stay there for her, undoubtedly. You do throw in there that you *used* to have a nondescript “drug problem” but you’ve learned since then, even though there is a video of you railing lines of snow-white Bolivian marching powder off a dirty consignment kitchen table, while wisely acknowledging the person recording is someone with whom you had recently fallen out with. And oh, yeah, you wound up on Turtleboy because you and your 12-year old-looking husband Brad Gluckman beat Sid Vicious’ retarded half-brother for a half ounce of weed. But you’re also a great mother, and your daughter is your only concern.
And everyone involved is legally old enough to vote. Let that sink in.
Naturally, the girl she attempts to throw under the bus has a slightly different version of events than described above :
And actually has the receipts.
Well then. I think we know whose fault it is if any kids are “getting taken away”. This is merely a blip in circumstances that brought things to this point for this broad. Let that sink in.
Apparently, we upset her sister, too, who has been going the most White Bread Becky version of “dindonuffin” possible in between picking up Starbucks and doing yoga posers for social media pictures since the whole thing started.
The blog really harshed her buzz, I guess, because her reaction was super un-zen.
Whoah. Someone needs to readjust their chakra. Who pissed in your Yerba Mate?
Well somehow I trust her perspective a little less given that. How are all these people old enough to vote?
The only reasonable explanation Kyra could muster for herself is that some how the chick she and her loser lifelong commitment squatted on for a couple of months had housekeeping so poor it followed her around forcing her in to bad decisions even after the police escorted her off of the property in the middle of the night.
Because that seems perfectly reasonable. Because her parents “have money”, only the finest unstable, temporary accommodations available to leech off will do. Her housekeeping standards while crashing on your couch are clearly and markedly higher than her standards in men, apparently.
Totally plausible. I’m sold!
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