Palmer Dumpsterslug Thot Pocket Defends Herself In Contradictory Post, Blames Us And Everyone Else For “Getting Her Kid Taken Away”, Hippie Sister Scary Garcia Threatens To Slit Throats


As expected, Kyra Provost is less than thrilled with her newfound Turtleboy fame. Can’t say I blame her – well, actually, yes I can. You don’t end up starring in your own blog here unless you’ve pissed off many, many people in your path of grimy destruction and additionally leave enough corroborating evidence of your shitbaggery strewn across the internet like unsightly piles of crusty panties. I’m looking at you, Princess Sugar Boogers.

Needless to say, she wisely opted to publish a public response on her Facebook page, which was sent to us in an absolute flurry of messages that momentarily dominated the inbox, and it is amazing. Mainly because it makes absofuckinglutely no sense whatsoever.

God do I love this shit. Let’s get this straight, Lie-ra. You’ve always had a job, since you were 15, except for the periods you were without a job. You are not now,  nor were you ever, homeless; except that time you were crashing with your friend, and then again when she subsequently kicked you out over one name your “Boyfriend”, (with whom you share a last name, and have a marriage certificate with) called her, which definitely was the most unpleasant part of your stay there for her, undoubtedly. You do throw in there that you *used* to have a nondescript “drug problem” but you’ve learned since then, even though there is a video of you railing lines of snow-white Bolivian marching powder off a dirty consignment kitchen table, while wisely acknowledging the person recording is someone with whom you had recently fallen out with. And oh, yeah, you wound up on Turtleboy because you and your 12-year old-looking husband Brad Gluckman beat Sid Vicious’ retarded half-brother for a half ounce of weed. But you’re also a great mother, and your daughter is your only concern.



And everyone involved is legally old enough to vote. Let that sink in.

Naturally, the girl she attempts to throw under the bus has a slightly different version of events than described above :

And actually has the receipts.


Well then. I think we know whose fault it is if any kids are “getting taken away”. This is merely a blip in circumstances that brought things to this point for this broad. Let that sink in.


Apparently, we upset her sister, too, who has been going the most White Bread Becky version of “dindonuffin” possible in between picking up Starbucks and doing yoga posers for social media pictures since the whole thing started.


The blog really harshed her buzz, I guess, because her reaction was super un-zen.


Whoah. Someone needs to readjust their chakra. Who pissed in your Yerba Mate?

Well somehow I trust her perspective a little less given that. How are all these people old enough to vote?

The only reasonable explanation Kyra could muster for herself is that some how the chick she and her loser lifelong commitment squatted on for a couple of months had housekeeping so poor it followed her around forcing her in to bad decisions even after the police escorted her off of the property in the middle of the night.




Because that seems perfectly reasonable. Because her parents “have money”, only the finest unstable, temporary accommodations available to leech off will do. Her housekeeping standards while crashing on your couch are clearly and markedly higher than her standards in men, apparently.



Totally plausible. I’m sold!





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15 Comment(s)
  • Well, No Shit
    March 19, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    There is a 100% chance that Alyssa smells like patchouli oil and armpit.

  • Veggie Cowgirl
    March 19, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    Someone please drop that skinny white boy off on Kilby. Make sure to make it rain printed copies of his facebook screenshots as you peel off!
    I’ve seriously had it with these types of people.
    I guarantee you he won’t be dropping those N bombs and getting gangsta anymore.
    Problem solved.

  • Uncle Sam
    March 19, 2019 at 10:55 am

    “How are these people old enough to vote?”
    Forget age and insert intelligent.
    This is what is wrong. Stupid fucking idiots of all ages voting

    • Y
      March 19, 2019 at 1:12 pm

      …and the dems want to lower the voting age to 16!?
      It’s beyond ridiculous; they can’t win legitimately, so they move the goal-line.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    March 19, 2019 at 10:26 am

    BUILD THE WAL!!!!!

    • ElJefe72
      March 19, 2019 at 11:45 am

      …around all of New England. Save America!

  • Captain Trips
    Squeaky Fromme
    March 19, 2019 at 10:12 am

    I’ll get high with my wake and bake jobless boyfriend, put up a makeshift hammock in the woods, and bang a drum.

    Afterwards, I’ll slit throats.

    To all: Peace Love and Sharp Objects,

    Charles Manson’s female lovechild

    • Veggie Cowgirl
      March 19, 2019 at 2:14 pm


  • Jeff J
    Put a sock in it
    March 19, 2019 at 12:31 am

    O. M. G. The whole scuzzy thing makes my skin crawl. The sister is priceless. She’s all hippy dippy, love, moonbeams, fairytales and unicorns…..till she gets pissed. Out comes the ratchetness she’s tried so hard to stifle and then it’s MASS MURDA MOTHAFUCKA!! 25?? In one of those pics she looks about 40. And that skinny prick thinks he’s sooooo badass…….what a joke.

  • Y
    March 18, 2019 at 10:22 pm

    One sister is a filthy ratchet and the other is a dirty hippie.

  • Mr. Bubz
    March 18, 2019 at 10:22 pm

    Poindexter still throwing them N bombs around like it ain’t no thang.

  • Big Wick
    March 18, 2019 at 10:17 pm

    All hail Kyra, Queen of Ratchet.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    March 18, 2019 at 9:54 pm

    Fucking filth. I bet they don’t take 2 showers a week. Bath in a bottle works just great for them…

  • Uncle Buck
    March 18, 2019 at 9:26 pm

    Most men weighed 140 ponds in 6th grade. Soap and a sandwich would kill these vermin if you threw it at them.

  • Bill Cosby
    March 18, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    Mmmmm crusty undies, I’m dying for a sniff. Anyone know she is available?

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