Passive-Aggressive Threats From Toolbags Like This Are The Reason We Exist At Turtleboy Sports
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So we’ve kind of had a busy last 48 hours. Everyone’s talking turtle, and not everyone is a fan. We’ve gotten a higher than normal amount of death threat, but we’re not gonna whine about it because only losers whine about words on a computer screen from wannabe hardos who aren’t gonna do shit. We actually like death threats because it means we’re doing something right. Like this brilliant scholar:
Turtle Boy is messing w the wrong one 😬😂
— Dante Brindisi (@508dant) January 16, 2017
So scared!!! Turns out this kid is some Worcester winner trying to defend his Holy Name classmate’s honor because he thinks it’s gonna get him somewhere. But as usual, he will end up in the friend zone. Because kids like this always end up in the friend zone:
First of all, he’s wearing a “Saturdays are for the boys shirt.” If you’re not familiar with this, Saturdays are for the boys is the latest marketing campaign for Barstool Sports. They know their audience, and they know how to make money. They know there is a plethora of dumb shit morons like this who will buy the dumbest sounding shirt ever simply because they can give bro-tastic high fives to their bros as they crush Keystone Light and retreat to their dorm rooms for a long night of Redtube.
Now don’t get me wrong, Turtleboy has been reading Barstool Sports since this kid was in diapers. But it’s obviously gone downhill lately since they’ve gone all Huffington Post Jr. and offer PC kneejerk takes on pretty much everything. Plus, everyone knows that the only people who actually buy these shirts are massive tools:
Then he did exactly what we knew he would do:
— esteban (@508dant) January 16, 2017
Immediately tweets at all his heros who will never, ever recognize his existence. Keep trying bro, one of these days you’ll get hooked up with a retweet and you’ll be the coolest kid in your dorm!!
But he’ll keep throwing cash at them for $30 t-shirts because he’s a bro dude!! And he sends passive-aggressive threats on Twitter because the girl he had a crush on in high school became Turtleboy famous. Just like him.
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