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Here’s your GoFundMe scam of the week out of Enfield, CT, and it’s a doozy…..

Oh yea, this seems legit. Any GoFundMe in which the OP feels the need to say, “no negative comments,” is likely fraudulent as fuck because their scam is so bad they anticipate tons of people writing negative comments. And that is exactly what has happened:

“No negative comments necessary. They will only help fuel the fire in my heart for God.”

Wait….so you want negative comments then? If it helps you “fuel the fire in my heart for God,” wouldn’t negative comments be helping you on your very real spiritual journey?

FACKS!

So just to review, here’s what they plan on doing with the $20,000 from this GoFundMe:

• They conveniently found God about three weeks ago, now they’re all divine and shit
• God fixed them
• They want God to fix you too
• They want to spread the word of God across the “entire Earth,” and need cash to travel the world and spread said word of God
• They will be sending receipts from around the world to prove they’re legit, perhaps even a postcard from the general store in Rwanda where they will be spreading God to those who haven’t been enlightened yet by two Enfield junkboxes
• Anything over $20,000 will be donated to “needy families” they come across while spreading the word of God
• This is important to “us and to God,” as God clearly has a lot invested in this pilgrimage
• They would like to go viral, so Turtleboy is helping them do that

This might be my favorite GoFundMe ever. Just the thought of some poor guy in a mudhut worrying about Ebola, trying to beat the odds and live past the age of 40, when all of a sudden this guy shows up bragging about how God saved him a couple weeks back:

I can’t stop laughing about how mudhut man reacts to that.

Shockingly it’s not their first GFM. They tried cashing in on his mother’s death in June:

“Just recently lost everything.”

Translation – we’ve been living under the I-91 overpass for over a year now, and our days generally consist of doing the syphilis salsa followed by robbing people to feed our habits.

This is Nick Tremblay and Kerry Tompsett:

They used to be junkies, but they’re totally clean now. So you should definitely give them money to travel the world spreading the word of God, because there’s no way these two would EVER spent that money on drugs. Ever.

Sure, Nick has more Google trophies then a millenial who grew up playing town soccer…..

But that’s all in the past now. He posts shit about God on Facebook now:

So his story clearly checks out. Better check yo self foo!

A lot of people began to point out that he’s clearly still using heroin, and is obviously trying to pretend that he’s suddenly religious in order to cash in on the big guy upstairs….

Don’t worry though, Nick says he’s clean now because he works out every day and prays:

Plus, God is his drug now. And if God is a drug and I need to go to church to consume that drug, does that mean Joel Osteen is my suboxone if I just watch church from my couch? Asking for a friend.

Kerry is 100% clean too. Even though she sometimes offers up her expertise on the difference between pot and heroin baggies:

Lots of people who aren’t junkboxes know the difference. Lot of clean folk also have multiple Google trophies for larceny too:

Because larceny is a crime that people commit who AREN’T looking to accrue money they hope to give to Diego the friendly neighborhood fentanyl dealer.

She’s been clean for many years too. Sometimes it’s 3 years, sometimes it’s 4 years:

Doesn’t matter. Just give her money so she can tell villagers in Bangladesh about how her three week relationship with God helped her milk $20,000 from people on the Internet.

And the messages she’s sending totally sounds like a spiritual individual:

Ya know things aren’t going well for your GoFundMe when your Mom calls you out on your bullshit….

Oops!!

And for questioning her spawn’s fraudulent GFM Mom got the ban hammer:

She has since shut down her page, claiming it was hacked, and started a new shared Facebook account (no word yet on who cheated):

There it is!!

#OnlyGodCanJudgeMe

Because no ratchet Turtleboy blog is completed without at least one person rocking a flat brimmed hat or mentioning that only God can judge them.