Hoodrat Heroes

Pastor Pole Polisher And Deacon Diddler Start $20K GoFundMe To Spread The Word Of God Around The World And Even Though They’re Junkboxes They Promise It Won’t Be Spent On Heroin

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Here’s your GoFundMe scam of the week out of Enfield, CT, and it’s a doozy…..

Oh yea, this seems legit. Any GoFundMe in which the OP feels the need to say, “no negative comments,” is likely fraudulent as fuck because their scam is so bad they anticipate tons of people writing negative comments. And that is exactly what has happened:

“No negative comments necessary. They will only help fuel the fire in my heart for God.”

Wait….so you want negative comments then? If it helps you “fuel the fire in my heart for God,” wouldn’t negative comments be helping you on your very real spiritual journey?


So just to review, here’s what they plan on doing with the $20,000 from this GoFundMe:

  • They conveniently found God about three weeks ago, now they’re all divine and shit
  • God fixed them
  • They want God to fix you too
  • They want to spread the word of God across the “entire Earth,” and need cash to travel the world and spread said word of God
  • They will be sending receipts from around the world to prove they’re legit, perhaps even a postcard from the general store in Rwanda where they will be spreading God to those who haven’t been enlightened yet by two Enfield junkboxes
  • Anything over $20,000 will be donated to “needy families” they come across while spreading the word of God
  • This is important to “us and to God,” as God clearly has a lot invested in this pilgrimage
  • They would like to go viral, so Turtleboy is helping them do that

This might be my favorite GoFundMe ever. Just the thought of some poor guy in a mudhut worrying about Ebola, trying to beat the odds and live past the age of 40, when all of a sudden this guy shows up bragging about how God saved him a couple weeks back:

I can’t stop laughing about how mudhut man reacts to that.

Shockingly it’s not their first GFM. They tried cashing in on his mother’s death in June:

“Just recently lost everything.”

Translation – we’ve been living under the I-91 overpass for over a year now, and our days generally consist of doing the syphilis salsa followed by robbing people to feed our habits.

This is Nick Tremblay and Kerry Tompsett:

They used to be junkies, but they’re totally clean now. So you should definitely give them money to travel the world spreading the word of God, because there’s no way these two would EVER spent that money on drugs. Ever.

Sure, Nick has more Google trophies then a millenial who grew up playing town soccer…..

But that’s all in the past now. He posts shit about God on Facebook now:

So his story clearly checks out. Better check yo self foo!

A lot of people began to point out that he’s clearly still using heroin, and is obviously trying to pretend that he’s suddenly religious in order to cash in on the big guy upstairs….

Don’t worry though, Nick says he’s clean now because he works out every day and prays:

Plus, God is his drug now. And if God is a drug and I need to go to church to consume that drug, does that mean Joel Osteen is my suboxone if I just watch church from my couch? Asking for a friend.

Kerry is 100% clean too. Even though she sometimes offers up her expertise on the difference between pot and heroin baggies:

Lots of people who aren’t junkboxes know the difference. Lot of clean folk also have multiple Google trophies for larceny too:

Because larceny is a crime that people commit who AREN’T looking to accrue money they hope to give to Diego the friendly neighborhood fentanyl dealer.

She’s been clean for many years too. Sometimes it’s 3 years, sometimes it’s 4 years:

Doesn’t matter. Just give her money so she can tell villagers in Bangladesh about how her three week relationship with God helped her milk $20,000 from people on the Internet.

And the messages she’s sending totally sounds like a spiritual individual:

Ya know things aren’t going well for your GoFundMe when your Mom calls you out on your bullshit….


And for questioning her spawn’s fraudulent GFM Mom got the ban hammer:

She has since shut down her page, claiming it was hacked, and started a new shared Facebook account (no word yet on who cheated):

There it is!!


Because no ratchet Turtleboy blog is completed without at least one person rocking a flat brimmed hat or mentioning that only God can judge them.

15 Comment(s)
  • Fo Sho
    Richard Gozinya
    July 8, 2018 at 8:40 am

    How much for a Bronski on them titties??? Askin for a friend.

  • BeautifulDisaster8
    July 7, 2018 at 10:56 am

    Classic. Another one who thinks she’s found god because she spends her days on her knees, panting “oh god” for donations behind the dumpster. That’s not the light of god you saw, that’s just the glare of spunk on your chin from your last customer.

  • Titilating
    July 6, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    But… those tits!

    July 5, 2018 at 11:48 pm

    Nick & kerry hit me up, I got that bomb bomb, goodie goodie, that dirty, downtown larry brown! I’ll give you both a gram on the house! Shit’s fyah yo.

  • Ricky
    July 5, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    Put a shirt on and get a job!

  • Carlos Danger
    July 5, 2018 at 5:46 pm


    Hard to think of what her crime is when her boobs are ogling me!

  • itsjustme
    They couldn't do it
    July 5, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    I would give them all $20,000 right now if they could tell me 10 Bible verses off the top of their (meth) heads and something about the verse (who wrote it, who said it, who it was said to, old or new testament, etc.) And John 3:16 can’t be one of them.

  • vicxh
    July 5, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    These 2 are the reasons I am willing to give the couple that opened their restaurant a pass in spite of pornhub and stealing images. If all we had to deal with was pornhub and copied images, I think the world would be a better place.

    Actually, those two should set up a pornhub account. I think with her big delicious MILFY Gerber servers she would be perfect for BBC. And that guy would be a star getting railed in the poop tunnel. (preferably by BBC). They would truly have found salvation then …

    • vicxh
      July 5, 2018 at 3:08 pm

      Nick looks like he works his pecs out, so he can easily get a job as mover or day laborer.
      Kerry looks like she works her pecs out, so she can easily get a job on the pole or be a Worcester night street walker/laborer.

      These two should learn than honest day’s work is the only TRUE SALVATION – Jesus be praised.

  • GOD
    July 5, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Kerry and Nick.

    Remember this one commandment .

    Thous Shall NOT Steal !!!


  • TJB
    July 5, 2018 at 12:34 pm

    If there is one thing that would piss God off; I bet its using his name to bilk lost souls out of what little they have. Shame on you junkies.

  • Stunt Penis
    July 5, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    What’s the link to her pornhub account?

    • vicxh
      July 5, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      Asking for yourself or a friend?

    • Justa Thot
      July 5, 2018 at 3:04 pm

      Right? Doesn’t she know all that she really has to do for quick easy money is hop on chaturbate or any cam site and do what she does best for tips? I mean…you dont even need to leave your house, how fucking convenient is that?

      • vicxh
        July 5, 2018 at 3:10 pm

        Who ends up chaturbating on cam? Her or the client?

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