People Freaking Out Over Clown Sightings Need To Get Their Ass To A Safe Space, This Is How Most People Dress On Vernon Hill

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The Internet is a magical place because it takes random stuff like blue and black dresses and makes it headline news. This week’s hot topic of course seems to be clowns. No clue why, but everyone is talking about clowns right now. They’re everywhere. Some people are saying it’s a promotion for Stephen King’s new movie, which they’ve denied. But I think we all know who is behind this clown shit – dumbass teenagers. I’m so happy Turtleboy Jr. will never be a teenager. If he does then I’m shipping him to South Korea for those years, because that’s what the Koreans do with their teenagers and they’re pretty smart.

Teenagers think this shit is funny because they can get a rise out of people and they’re kind of the center of attention. What I don’t get is all the freaking out over it. Are people not allowed to dress like clowns? I can understand if they’re jumping out from the woods and intentionally scaring people. In that case Darwinism should just be allowed to take its course. But if they’re standing on the sidewalk with a bunch of balloons, what’s the problem? By freaking out you’re giving them exactly what they want.

Check out @BestClownWatch on Twitter and you’ll see all sorts of clown sightings around Massachusetts. Let’s see what’s going on around these parts….

Have you ever been to the Auburn Mall? The place is filled with clowns. Nothing to see here.

Clowns on dirtbikes in Worcester? What else is new?

Have you ever been to Vernon Hill? Do you see what people there choose to put on for clothing when they go outside? That’s not a clown you saw. It’s a Vernon Hill muff in their natural habitat. Plus, they’re wearing $150 Rihanna shoes and living in section 8 housing. The only clowns are the politicians who allow this scenario to occur.

Alright, this is where they cross the line. If you can’t get a rise out of people by standing on the corner and holding a “free hugs” sign, then you lost. Give up and go home. To the untrained eye when it’s dark out some people don’t know the difference between an air soft gun and a real gun. Plus, shootings always seems to happen at high schools. This is just a dick move by some teenager who tried to pull of a prank but failed. Punch him on sight. He deserves it.

Nah, that’s just the junkie parade on their way to the abandoned Kraft lot on Park Ave.

If you’re a clown in the road then you get run over just like any protester who gets in the way of Turtleboy’s hippie plowing freedommobile.

If you have a black mask on, then how are you a clown?

Is this all the same guy? Look at all those clown sightings in Holden.

If you’re at the Dollar General store in Dudley and you head east when you leave, it means you’re walking towards Webster. Again, not a real clown. Just your average Websterite.

What the fuck?? First of all, I simply do not believe there was a clown holding a rifle. This Twitter handle just spits out information people send them. It turned out to be a hoaxbut that wasn’t before they evacuated a dorm and put the entire campus on lockdown. If someone really saw a clown holding a rifle, wouldn’t they take a picture of it? Merrimack College is trying to get this Twitter handle taken down, which is bullshit. This is free speech. They’re reporting what people are telling them. It’s up to the individual to be able to figure out what is true and what is Internet speculation. You don’t censor people because you think the people who will be reading what they write are dumb.


OK. So what’s the problem?

College on lockdown because of clown doing what? Existing? Are colleges providing safe spaces for clowns now too?


Rainbow shirt and an afro wig? If you’re scared of that then make sure you never go to the gay pride parade.



So the clown wants to get something off the value menu. Better call the cops.

How else is the clown supposed to see in Douglas? It’s not like there’s a lot of street lights in small town USA.

It’s true. Everyone knows clowns hate hardwood floors.


And don’t go to Weymouth, because they’re EVERYWHERE in Weymouth.

Anyway, like I said, this is just a dumb thing teenagers are doing. As long as they’re not jumping out from behind your car or walking around with what appears to be a gun, then who gives a shit? If a clown tries to fuck with me while I’m jogging down the street then they get a Turtle sandwich. But if they’re standing there minding their own business then I do not need a safe space from them and neither should you.


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17 Comment(s)
  • No Clowning Around
    October 5, 2016 at 9:23 pm

    Dear Clowns,

    This is an FYI. I’m guessing you all are probably some idiots looking to create hysteria, but I cannot take that chance. Please do not stand on the side of the rode looking to freak people out, let alone walk out of the woods, jump out from behind a car, or approach me in or out of my car in any fashion. I do have a gun permit and I do carry. I WILL blow your fucking big red nose off. I don’t want to kill a prankster, but I don’t want to be killed by a lunatic either, so please be forewarned and think twice before venturing out in your big shoes, rainbow afro wig, and colorful attire.

    Thank you.

    • No Clowning Around
      October 5, 2016 at 9:29 pm

      road….ROAD….R-O-A-D. I know, I know. Auto.

  • Jennifer
    October 5, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    Hello people, really??!! Has anyone realized that Rob Zombies new movie “31” is coming out October 20th? It’s about people kidnapped trying to survive killer clowns in a labyrinth!! Promoted since March 2016, more so springtime, so yeah ,not hard to figure that one out! Just keep a long steel mag light in you’re car , I am,in case one trys to “F__k” with my ride! Chill peeps, they’re stupid people not mutants!

  • Monutest monumetric
    October 5, 2016 at 11:17 am

    Clown in a suicide bomber vest… worry
    Clown with a machine gun… worry
    Clown in a gas mask, spewing clouds of ‘smoke’ … worry
    Clown discussing the validity of carbon exchanges to resolve anthropogenic climate change… worry*

    *Note this sort of clown tends to congregate around Washington, DC, sit in Congress, and may not wear clown suits; nor are they a threat to your immediate physical safety, but rather to your long term fiscal survival.

  • Reddog
    October 4, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    Who gives a flying F?

  • Crack Baby
    October 4, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    I like how this writer says clows are the ‘Hot topic’ this week. How did you come to this conclusion. I saw one story about these clowns on the news a month ago. Take your head out of your ass stupid. Nobody is talking about these fucking clowns but you.

  • Crack Baby
    October 4, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Where does the fucking clown who wrote this stupid article rank?

  • True Reality Speaks
    Mirror Mirror
    October 4, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    I take it back. This story is even worse than the one paying attention to the Kardashian twats. Did you reassign liberal turtleboy to write this pablum?

  • Dom
    October 4, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    Its understandable that some are not old enough to remember but the same type of shit happened after the first version was released in 1990/91.

    The difference is that people didnt lose their fucking shit over stupid shit back then.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    October 4, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    The sightings here in MA are different from other states. I have been reading that people dressed as clowns are threatening to shoot up schools. Threatening to kill teachers and children. I guess many schools around the United States have either been closed due to safety concerns, or have beefed up police presence.

    I don’t think those threats are happening in MA…but whoever has fun dressing as a clown and walking around in public is just a weirdo whack job anyway lol.

    • KimberlyS
      October 4, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Yes – that’s been happening where I live. Clowns with knives are also approaching kids at bus stops around here.

      That being said, one dumb-ass woman was just arrested here because the claimed she was “chased and almost attacked” by a clown, and she was making it up.

      • Bozo
        October 4, 2016 at 5:45 pm

        Fuck off Fiesty

        • District Attorney
          October 5, 2016 at 9:26 pm

          Fuck off Bozo

  • Woodiculous
    October 4, 2016 at 11:52 am

    I saw 2 clowns when I tuned into the presidential debate.

  • Andy
    October 4, 2016 at 11:28 am

    Beep, beep, Georgie!!

  • OmgItsJoeTime
    October 4, 2016 at 11:22 am

    Got a Batman mask so if I see a clown I’ll throw on my mask and go Dark Knight on that joker.

    • Slider
      October 4, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      That’s KROCK’S lot on Park Ave, as in Barry Krock, not Kraft.

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