Sports

People Who Sing Sweet Caroline While The Red Sox Are Losing Are The Worst People On Earth

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So the other day Mrs. Turtleboy and I got to watch our first Boston Red Sox game from the WEEI suite at Fenway Park. The benefits of our new partnerships with EEI were abundantly clear when I realized that this was the only way you can be a fat bastard at Fenway and still watch the game in comfort:

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The gentlemen pounding free bud lights is Andy Brickley. Talking Bruins with a legend while watching the Red Sox and drinking unlimited free beer all while stuffing your face with free food is the only way to watch the last place Red Sox:

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Needless to say we took our inaugural Turtleboy smash in the EEI dumper.

Other than that all we did was watch what has become business as usual for the 2014 Red Sox. The Red Sox actually loaded the bases with one out in the first inning. Unfortunately Jonny Gomes came up to bat and of course hit into a double play. But hey, he loves America right and he’s Boston Strong so who gives a shit if he can hit right? Let’s focus on what’s really important Red Sox fans!!

The Sox were down three runs before putting a nice little one inning rally together to tie the score. Then of course they blew it and by the eighth inning we were down 8-3. Keep in mind if the Red Sox lost this game it would be their fourth in a row and second straight to a terrible Chicago White Sox team with John freaking Danks on the mound. A loss would’ve made us 1-7 on the current home stand and would’ve solidified our spot in dead last place in what is by far the worst division in MLB.

Think any of that mattered to the morons who pack Fenway Park? Nope. Because who gives a shit what the score is when 90% of the people there came to sing Sweet Caroline? Every time I go to Fenway I hear morons around me talk about how close we are to the bottom of the 8th inning so they can sing that God-forsaken song. Here’s the end of it:

First of all, that little kid was awesome. It’s perfectly understandable that he would sing this song because he’s just a kid. He just wants to dance, sing, chant “Let’s go Red Sox, and have a good time. He’s not old enough to be really invested in the Red Sox. But adults have no excuse.

Here’s an undeniable fact – if you sing that song while the Red Sox are losing a game then you are a fraud. You are a pink hat. You are a bandwagoner. You are indifferent towards the outcome of the game.

Think of what the chorus is for this song is: “Good times never felt so good. So good!! So good!!” 

This is a good time? Losing 8-3 to the White Sox? Watching us go twelve games under .500? That feels “so good?” I swear to God as soon as that song ended half the people in the stadium left. Because they came there for one reason and one reason alone – to sing that stupid song.

Sweet Caroline is a happy song. If you are happy while the Red Sox are losing 8-3 then I can’t stand you. I was miserable watching the Red Sox lose AGAIN. Everyone should’ve been miserable. It is beyond aggravating to be surrounded by people who are in a good enough mood to sing that song while the Red Sox are getting emasculated by a terrible, terrible baseball team.

Think about it, why do they play it in the 8th inning? So you’ll stay the whole game, buy their overpriced crap, and take a smash in the FW Webb Family Dump Center:

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The bottom line is this – that song sucks, but I would allow it if they only played under two conditions:

1) The Red Sox have to be winning the game

2) The Red Sox have to be within three games of first place in the AL East

Under those circumstances the real baseball fans at Fenway would actually have reason to feel good and celebrate. If they stop playing that song during seasons like this then guess who stops coming to the game? Fraud pink hat fans. Then the park will rightfully be filled with angry and bitter fans who rightfully will boo the unacceptable product they see on the field. Especially Jonny Gomes and Stephen Drew. They should be booed roundly every single time they step on the field.

Time to bust these out:

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Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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