This is Jacqueline Nieves, of Springfield.
She has a harrowing tale to share with you all, right now. Please, pay attention, this is very serious and entirely plausible.
“I live in Springfield. Yesterday, I was born again. I went to donate some clothes and pick up some items at the store. It was maybe 10:00 pm. I’m on Worthington and I took a right into Armory st. A man pops out of the woods throws something under my car and signaled a car behind me which was a white SUV. The SUV immediately put on high beams and tailed me nearly bumber to bumper. My car slowed down to a stop. A billion things run to mind as I have heard of this before. I could see someone on each side their car attempting to get out. I put my foot to the pettle and it moved little more until the car came to a complete stop in front of the Puerto Rican bakery. The SUV Stopped again right behind me and these guys attempted to get out the car. I prayed to god to please take me to the police. Miraculously, the car began to move again. I kept driving towards the rotary. God let me drive to the exit driveway of the State Trooper Barracks driveway. Then these guys took off as they realized they were at a police barracks. It was dark and I became really paranoid. It seemed as if nobody was around and thought these guys would come back to get me somehow. I becan to toot my horn uncontrollably. Finally, I got the guts to run out of my car to the barracks itself. I rang the door bell like a crazy woman. They let me in and I told the story. I was in an irradical, freaked out state. More law enforcement appeared and I repeated the story. I recognized one of the police officers. I told him what happened and he jumped on it. He and another pushed my car in the barracks.
My car doesn’t operate. I will need a mechanic. Ladies… it is exponentially dangerous out there. If you do t have to leave your home at night then don’t. There are a whole lot of crazy people out there. Who knows what would have happened to me, had I not listen to my instincts. God didn’t allow for me to be a growing statistic. They didnt want my car because why would they mess up my car on purpose? This stuff is going on all over the country and abroad. These people ask to help and next thing you know you are at an ATM withdawing money, raped, murdered, trafficked or an organ donor. You never know! Be vigilant and if something like this happens to you, DON’T LET THEM IN YOUR CAR lock your doors and call the police immediately. I couldn’t sleep at all last night just thinking what could have happened to me. I had Anxiety attacks all day long! I am viewing things differently now. Sweet Springfield is gone! Please take care of yourselves. Pray for your safety every time you put that key in the ignition. But I was told this is happening in parking lots too! Please be careful and may God bless all of you.
Please share let people know. This is crazy and real!”
Totally real, you guys. Definitely happened. For a broad who was just born again over the weekend, she doesn’t look a day over dead.
Thank little Lord baby Jeebus she got out alive! This is serious stuff, and the ladies of Springfield are muy asustadas. Move over, Pumpkin Spice Mafia – you may be getting talked into the back of shitty Astro Vans parked in Walmart parking lots by bootleg Jehovah’s Witnesses, but the Malta-Goya Mob are out here having their whole motherfucking vehicles disabled by feats that defy the laws of physics and auto mechanics. Just ask them.
The stupidity out there is the real horrorshow here. Let’s recap this here. This hag is driving along on a Saturday night, right in to some dude who is lurking in the woods just waiting for some car to roll by, while his accomplices sit in wait in their white SUV. He sees her, and manages to throw some nondescript object from his stationary position at her moving vehicle with such precision it not only hits it, but actually disables it. And no, no one knows what that object is, of course.
And this shadowy athletic marvel of a nefarious criminal also manages to hit her car with such force and precision that it managed to break through the shield and bounce up over the radiator to sever her transmission lines without even ripping off the bumper or anything.
Which generally would render a vehicle completely inoperable in less than a mile, pissing red fluid everywhere, but luckily for Jacqueline, her whip is powered by prayer and the love of Christ.
And although the cops totally, definitely assured her that this happens like, all the time, they didn’t take a report and just kind of left her with her junked vehicle,
Which miraculously started working again when she needed to get home, presumably because Jesus didn’t want to miss Matlock. But don’t worry guys, this story is entirely true and she’s NOT doing any of this for attention.
She’s just lucky she survived, y’all.
And she now apparently needs therapy, which is the one and only clearly true thing to come out of this whole thread.
Yes, Jacqueline, please seek it. Because you’re a fucking loon and this never fucking happened.
She also apparently has decided she needs a gun,
Arm the paranoid delusional twit who thinks every car issue she encounters is the sign of an imminent kidnapping. Great idea.
Well, there you have it. It’s a crazy world out there today. One minute you’re driving home from the store in your shitbox car at 10pm on a Saturday. The next thing you know, an Olympic shot put thrower is leaping out from the bushes to fuck up your car while the bad guys from Liam Neeson’s 2008 thriller “Taken” tailgate you with their highbeams on in some suburban housewife’s grocery-getter. Then it’s robbery, rape, sex trafficking and a force registration on the organ donor’s list for you, lady.
Stay safe, everyone!