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So if you missed part one of this sleaze-saga you can catch up on it here.

Plymouth Dumpsterslugs Are The Most Diabolical Facebook Con Artists We’ve Ever Seen – Part 1

Meanwhile, here at Turtleboy Sports, we are fielding many an Internet lawsuit and are anxiously waiting for our harassment order Kailey Elizabeth Carlson threatened us with, after the first part of this blog went live yesterday, to be dropped off to Turtle HQ. Wait until you see who she tried to retain for legal representation! More on our imaginary legal woes later…. Kailey also issued a memorandum stating that there would be no part two.

Will someone please tell this Chud I’m now swimming in part three?

-waves-

Beer and popcorn ready Turtleriders? Okay, let’s go!

When we last left Kailey and Dylan Carlson they were looking for a big apartment and a car after months of being homeless and publicly begging for everything from cell phones to dogs on Facebook. She said she had money to blow on three months rent ahead of time but were homeless and poor. They were just waiting on a check to clear from the sale of a piece of property that they never actually owned. But that cash supposedly wasn’t coming in until next week. Now, she and her husband Dylan, were out in Arctic temps, panhandling in front of Stop N’ Shop. I’d like to imagine this where Kailey came up with the idea for her next post.

I used to get UTIs too. But that was back when I was like six and hadn’t learned how to wipe my snizz basket and ass correctly. Front to back, girl. Front to back. I know that’s probably hard when you’re shitting behind the dumpster that doubles as your living room, but it’s a lesson you clearly need to learn.

This is what I had been waiting months for. Here she is again, using the kids she doesn’t even have custody of, looking to score gift cards and cash. I have personally never seen a panhandler with bigger balls.

The usual group of charitable lemmings all dove off the cliff to tell her where to get services, tell her to go to a fire station because of how cold it was outside, and one person called and reserved a hotel room for the two of them out of the kindness of her own heart.

It took a while for them to get to the hotel though. She had to finish up her shift begging for money outside of Stop N Shop. People apparently give you more more money when you have snot freezing to your cheeks. She couldn’t let prime time for looking destitute go to waste, with a sign made out of an empty case of beer, so she waited until after the store had closed to stroll over to her free hotel digs.

The only problem with being given a free hotel room was that they were on the “banned List” at the establishment and had to be escorted out of the building just as soon as staffers figured out who they were. But why were they on the banned list? Seems the two of them had spent a night in the past partying there, and when it came time for checkout, were passed out and had to be woken up by hotel employees and told to GTFO.

Sometimes real life beats fiction. Here at Turtleboy, we find that for you.
While the town was on the verge of ripping her to shreds, and putting together everything SS Turtlegirl compiled during part one,  someone who knew her back story, popped on the page and gave her one last chance to remove the post.

That’s right. Kailey thinks it’s illegal for people to try and give her the chance to remove the post before the hammer falls.

Kailey stood tall behind her giant wall of crap.

Since when did survival rests on gift cards and cash.

Then all hell broke loose when a member of her family let her have it. (We blocked out her name because there are kids at stake here.)

-fans self-

Kailey went after her family member, falsely claiming that it was proved that she was lying.

1. 

I have dug up every last chunk of Internet track that Kailey had laid down. I have found out that the preschool her children attended called DSS because she would send them to school without winter coats on, I have found that Dylan was arrested for some wild break in in Marshfield when he was most likely trying to score drug money, I found out that Dylan also tried to bite the wedding off her finger so that he could score. I even know that Kailey called her grandmother begging her to order her a pizza on Nana’s card on the same night that Kailey declined food from the good people of Plymouth. What I didn’t find was that confession where your family member said she was lying. You know that just typing it online doesn’t make it true, right? I know the rest of it because we received countless emails from six other family members and former friends who were tired of her scampaign and wanted to clear the air. They, like the people of Plymouth, are tired of being taken advantage of

I wish I could say that this was the end of Kailey and Dylan. That they rode off in to the dirtball sunset never to be heard from again. But you forget that we are dealing with a case of Homeless Human Herpes. She’s always there, waiting to flare up, even if you can’t see her.

The gig is up. Your bullshit is triggering me at this point.

It seems Kailey’s plan all along was to take all of the cash she had been scrounging from panhandling in order to take off to Standing Rock and then on to Tennessee. Without. Her. Kids. Here’s a screenshot confession she sent to a friend.After Kailey deleted the post begging for cash and gift cards she let it settle for the night. The next morning she put the whole town, the same one she had been begging from, on blast for inciting a witch hunt against her.

It went about as well as you would imagine. 

Ten points to Eileen.

That post disappeared soon after too. This girl can not seem to comprehend that no one will ever believe her again. It’s best not to go swimming in the shark tank when you’re bleeding, pal.

The following day Kailey ran in to another issue where she had to ask the town for help, someone had stolen her backpack while she and her husband were scurrying like vermin around town.

The residents tore in to her like a werewolf eating a virgin under a full moon.

She deleted that post too when it didn’t go her way. That’s the thing about a cry for sympathy. Eventually it wears off and people take all that passion they felt for you in the beginning and it turns them in to bloodhounds.

Once our blog hit the Internet stands yesterday most people celebrated. Although, I just got word that Tom Ryan, moderator of All Thing Plymouth, decided to start banning people who post our articles on his page. Tom, you allowed this to continue. For good people to be taken advantage of and yet you delete the TB warnings? Pull your head out of your ass. I’m still on the page under my cloak of anonymity. Let our stories stay up! Message him and tell him you want TURTLEBOY. But when Kailey caught wind that she had become Turtleboy Famous a couple of her winner friends tried to defend her. Like this psycho-eyed all star:

Seems he’s been in trouble with the law too. 
Soon after, the Turtleboy page was carpet bombed with demands from Kailey, saying she was bringing us up on harassment charges and lawsuits.

This blog is highly illegal in her eyes and she says that we are making things up. Sadly, she doesn’t realize that she wrote the blog against herself. As far as those death threats? Our loyal turtle riders begged her to see the screenshots of them but she couldn’t cough them up.

That lawyer she was in contact with? None other than the legal genius of Dick N Vulva!

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m going through the countless emails we’ve received from people who know Kailey and Dylan. Looks like you Turtleriders are getting a part three! Merry Christmas!

 

 

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