Hoodrat Heroes

Porkachu Ratchimal Mom Of Boy Who Was Killed By Pit Bulls In Lowell Is Just As Terrible As We Said

And the sperm donor reeeeeeally loves metal bracelets. Shocker!


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Meet Lucia Agosto, the 29-year-old tuna canal that birthed the 7-year-old boy who was gallivanting around known drug dens in Lowell unsupervised and ended up getting killed by two fenced in pit bulls:

99.8% of her pics on the Facebook machine are of her, in varying states of FUBAR’edness, with some caption like #faded – there is a grand total of TWO pics of her kids, out of hundreds of herself. I think that kinda says enough. The rest are memes about being single, getting your hair pulled/being donkey punched, that kinda thing. #nailedit

Before we get too far into this, I just wanna say I am not putting down single parent households as some of you guys lamented about yesterday – I’ve done the whole single mom bit. But you and I are a different species than the Porkachu Ratchimal, it’s like apples and cantaloupes. Also wanna say that I am in no way absolving the dog owners of their hand in this. We just can’t get confirmation on exactly who owned them, and until we do, we’re gonna leave them out, because Turtleboy is all about the #FACKS

Anyway, Lucia is such a treat that even her kids’ grandma had to sue her in family court to be able to visit them. They were probably too busy running the streets while Porkachu held down the stoop on Clare Street, blunt in one hand, Newport in the other. Dontchu know she can’t be bothered going over the river and through the hood to get the kids to grandma’s?!

Because, why bother with using granny as a babysitter when you can just leave ’em alone?

She shared this gem about a month ago

don’t have to, or can’t…?

well, looks like you did it, Lucy! One won’t have to recover because he’s no longer among us, and the other… well, he’s probably toast for life because of your ineptitude as an adult.

Speaking of inept…. she’s not very discerning on who she plays bury the broomstick with either, hopping from beef bullet to sperm worm one week to the next

Here she is with her Faux-coste rockin’ “hubby” in her love shack, complete with mattress on the floor, pushed up against the wall for good measure. Who needs a headboard, amirite? Love the filthy fingerprints on the wall, too… must be from her exploits bouncing on the scrotum totems.

She also has a thing for Milli Vanilli, too, apparently.

“‘cuz you’re the one I think about most every time”

Porkachu also has a lucrative career gettin’ that paper by slinging coffee at Dunks, like every other ratchimal before her

And she enjoys ditching her kids for bone rides, like every day, with her biffles

There’s a thousand more pics just like this one, but I’m not gonna clutter this here blog up with ’em

In the most surprising turn of events, I was only able to locate ONE google trophy from 2012:

Still on that level of surprising is the fact that she has lived at the same address for more than 5 years! At least she pays her $30 subsidized monthly rent, that’s more than we can say for some of the other beefalopes we feature.

The one thing I do wanna know is, why does she have the junkie goggle mask  permanently on her face?

Could she be partaking in the sweet Georgia brown? I am usually very good at spotting this type of thing, but she’s a bit on the inflated side and doesn’t have the heroin chic look going for her.

Anyway, her sperm donor isn’t much of a prize either, and it’s unsurprising that these two entwined with one another to produce a couple o’ fuck trophies. He’s since deleted himself from social media, but we got the 411 on him. He’s got quite the checkered past. The long and short of it, he’s a gang banger who pushes weapons and drugs to kids from Maine, and he’s the reason why everyone in New England hates dumps like Lowell.

He also enjoys tuning up “family members” – which we all known is likely 99.9% him punching his newest splooge receptacle in the eye.

Anyway, it’s now clear to see why this little boy lost his life. He was surrounded by people who can’t be trusted to take care of a goldfish, people who weren’t equipped to instill ground rules, a moral compass, or supervision to make sure he stayed on a good path. He was left to be a feral kid, raised by the streets. My only hope is that the remaining kid gets some kind of intervention so he doesn’t meet the same fate as his little brother… or that of the dude whose baby batter he was born of.

45 Comment(s)
  • Angelina
    October 27, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    Who do u tho l I are I should sue ur ass that is my ant didn’t u think that the family would see thing that boy is dead … gone his wake was today smh u discuss me

  • Shirley Patnode
    October 27, 2017 at 8:40 am

    I’m sure growing up your Mom wasn’t at your side 24-7.!!! Your not telling me this woman isn’t mourning her child. This child was 7 years old. I don’t care what the circumstances were, the boy died a horrid death!!! You have no heart!!! Stop judging what you don’t know!! What a shit yu are!!!

  • Paul
    October 26, 2017 at 8:31 am

    You’re a clown…get off your high horse dbag. You’re writing sucks, and I have no idea how anybody reads the garbage you post. It’s a joke…

  • October 25, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Your a coward hiding behind social media,a young mother has to bury her child and live with this for the rest of her life.You have a sick sense of humor.

  • Lauren
    October 25, 2017 at 6:22 pm

    A. A child passed away. so you choose to bash a grieving mother? SICK
    B. Who are you to criticize the working class for their choice of employment? Honest, hard working Americans are employed at Dunks.
    C. Go you for beauty shaming a woman. NEWSFLASH: Many women, especially medium toned women, have dark orangish circles around their eyes.

    Ratchets like tearing other people down with hostile words and hide behind computer screens. Turtleboy has turned into a RATCHET PLATFORM.

    I typically like your articles, but this is just atrocious.

  • Katie
    October 25, 2017 at 5:51 pm


  • Mmm
    October 25, 2017 at 11:28 am

    so judgmental, was it you that lost a child? You must be such a perfect person with a perfect past. I’m sure you’re very righteous and have a successful career ahead of you slanging judgmental bullshit about others instead of mourning the lost. How much time do you invest in such an awesome career? How much praise do you get nitpicking other people’s lives and bringing them down? I’m sure you never made a mistake, perhaps you were a straight A student in all your classes, your fart must smell like roses. One question I must ask, since when did you feel so superior over others? Because the way you speak about other people’s lives and mistakes and even their job makes you seem like the snottiest stuck up woman ever. But hey, who am i to judge? your article is cancerous and full of low key hate. Js.

    • Haverhill Landlord
      October 25, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      “I’m sure you never made a mistake”

      Oh, I’ve made scads and scads of mistakes, no doubt about that.

      But I’ve also never put children in a situation where they ran around a shitty neighborhood unsupervised being devoured by a pitbull was even a remote possibility.

      This wasn’t a mistake like forgetting to pay the gas bill, or fucking up at work, or (worst of all) buying *unsalted potato chips*. This was such an egregious mistake that as a result a kid got eaten alive by a dog (who, in the dog’s defense, the kid had harassed repeatedly).

      We get to pass judgement on that sort of thing. Put the crack pipe down and face reality.

  • Reina
    October 25, 2017 at 8:04 am

    This is beyond disgusting. You obviously have never lost a child or been with another when she’s lost a child bc no matter what your opinion is and let’s face it it’s your opinion you don’t know the rea facts just what the news told you a life was lost, an innocent child at that. You’re disgusting and I hope you get everything you deserve the universe never misses.

    • chrissy
      October 25, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      karma doesn’t exist
      just ask this poor kid

  • bigdaddy
    October 25, 2017 at 6:51 am

    Lowell +pitbulls = ratchets and dooshsnozles

  • J
    October 25, 2017 at 1:09 am

    You’re all horrible people… A family lost a child. Not a single one of you were there nor actually know this family to justify these judgments. Shame on everyone putting this family down in such a time.

  • Sebastian
    October 25, 2017 at 12:46 am

    People are too afraid to comment on the family because they feel bad about the child this was good that you provided those pictures cuz now everyone can get a look at both sides. As far as anything I’ve heard about the owner, hes a good guy works a couple jobs and just an all-around good kid. Very polite and is the type of person who would always help someone in need . And that’s not just speculation , I can honestly say that he’s a genuine good person and I’m sure he’s just as upset about the child as he is about the dogs.

    • Talltale
      October 25, 2017 at 10:08 pm

      The neighbor who lives down the road knows the owner of those dogs said those dogs were his service dogs. He works a couple of jobs?? And if this guy is a tenant, he doesn’t own jack sht. Wasn’t his property to begin with.

  • Go get a life
    October 24, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    You must be cold hearted to talk about this mother she just lost her son SMH…. Get a fkin life you most think your perfect but with this shit your garbage… RIP to that kid and prayers to his family….

    • Chip Striker
      October 25, 2017 at 12:49 am

      Not cold hearted, its call reality. You animals better get your shit together, start raising kids, getting jobs etc…just like all of us. Tired of footing the bill for you lazy motherfuckers while you dress like fucking retards , take selfies all day in your shithole apartments and then hit the clubs at night.

      • ?
        October 25, 2017 at 9:24 pm

        I agree completely Chip minus the racial approach from Dick. It’s not specific to a race any more, it is an acceptable way to live in society now. White Black Hispanic it doesn’t matter. This blog proves that point, just as many white people living this way as well. It scares me to think it will take a revolution of sorts to fix this. Politicians are not going to fix this ever. It’s out of control, I am from a small town and I see it every day. I do not know how people in these cities where it’s rampant put up with it.

  • Dick Hertz from Holden
    October 24, 2017 at 10:12 pm

    They are turning this country into the sewer they came from. And they wonder why white people hate them? Get a clue you fucking sewer rats, this ain’t fucking Haiti and it ain’t fucking Somalia, and it ain’t fucking South America. You want to live in a low class infested trash heap, go back home, you are not wanted here . . .

    a fucking racist with an IQ higher then yours

    • Thenyours
      October 25, 2017 at 12:06 am

      The word is “than”. So much for your IQ

    • C
      October 25, 2017 at 12:17 am

      *than …mister genius…an IQ higher *than* yours

    • Chip Striker
      October 25, 2017 at 12:46 am

      Could not agree with you more Dick Hertz from Holden. I don’t watch the News much anymore, don’t have time. Did tonight, do yourself a favor and watch the rebroadcast of tonights Fox25 news at 10…Watching it, the first 5 or 6 stories and the people being interviewed I was wondering if we live in a 3rd world country.

      Lowell, Lawrence, Brockton, Everett, Revere….All nice towns with hard working people growing up is now gone to these fucking animals.

      Get the fuck out of out country!!!

      • Richard halmutt
        October 26, 2017 at 6:39 pm

        Hahahahahaha “nice towns”? I have deep roots in Lowell, deeper than most. You are clueless about these places ever being ‘nice towns’.

    • ?
      October 25, 2017 at 9:13 pm

      Oh dick….I don’t always agree but at times there are dark truths in your comments. Some truths society won’t or can’t admit to but deep down…….that being said you done fucked up at the end there in turn validating that maybe your IQ could be questioned?

  • Liana
    October 24, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    So who tf made this huh ??? Who got balls to say who made this shit ???

  • Chip Striker
    October 24, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    people who cannot take care of themselves shouldn’t have pitbulls.

    People who cannot take care of themselves shouldn’t have children.

    Add those two together and that is why that shithole of a city Lowell is minus one of each today.

    If your blaming the pitbulls or the kid, then I can’t help you.

  • Haverhill Landlord
    October 24, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    To all of Porkachu’s defenders who have suddenly decided to comment: Good mothers don’t let their children torment and then be eaten by pit bulls. Shitting out a kid makes someone a mother, but not a Mom. Chances are she’ll be squirting out a replacement for the late lamented Milkbone Junior within a year.

    It’s the dogs I feel bad for in this case. Apparently the little shits used to poke at the dogs with sticks and torment them. The dogs (correctly) perceived the little yard apes as a threat and when given the chance defended their owner and their territory. Those are some good dogs.

  • Stephanie
    October 24, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    You’re a piece of shit for making an article like this. Talking shit about where she works and how she spends some of her time! Are you kidding me? A kid just fucked died you scum.

    • Ratchetlife
      October 24, 2017 at 8:57 pm

      Wow – four ratchets in a row offering a counterpoint. You guys ever think maybe, just maybe, all ain’t well in Lowell?

      • J
        October 24, 2017 at 9:05 pm

        So I’m a ratchet for having an opinion? Girl just lost her child. That she had custody of unlike a lot of the hoodboogers out here in “the place where all is not well.” People from out of town commenting like they know something, please Haverhill let me know: How many junkies do you see on the street every day in your “perfect city”

        When you were a children: Did you play outside? Were you always a perfect little cherub??Doubt it. Does that make your mother a piece of shit too? No she wasn’t a perfect parent, that’s not being denied. But to go on a rant against a grieving mother is crossing the line. And those of you who feel ANYONE deserves that are truly SICK.

        • Ratchetlife
          October 24, 2017 at 9:18 pm

          “How many junkies do you see on the street every day in your “perfect city”” – Difference between having them in your town (who doesn’t?) and socializing with them or being one. PS – Who is from Haverhill?

          “Did you play outside?” – Yes, but not in other people’s yards, or the street.

          ” Were you always a perfect little cherub?” – No. Return question -Are YOU blaming the victim (the child)?

          Etc, etc. I for one am not blaming anyone for this child’s death. I don’t know what happened, AND NEITHER DO YOU. Just for the love of Pete, can you people stop normalizing ” smokes bud and chills,” looking(being?) high in pretty much every photo, etc?

          BTW – One thing I really did not like about the TB story is blowing the mother up for working at DD. That is a legitimate, legal, job and kudos to anyone who has one.

          • J
            October 24, 2017 at 9:27 pm

            Blaming a child for going into someones yard? No. Its something millions of children have done and probably will continue to do. Nobody is to blame. Its a tragic, terrible situation. Not a joke.

            As for “associating with and being junkies” smoking weed is legal now everyone. Its no longer a crime to “smoke weed and chill” and that doesn’t make someone a junkie.

            This girl has consequences, demons and possibly at some point charges to face. All the extra scrutiny isn’t necessary. Thats the point I’m making.

            Anybody who feels like that’s cool, good for you. But with suicide rates being what they are, especially in LOWELL I don’t encourage this type of slander. Sorry not sorry. Not coming back to say anymore. I’ve made my point. Nobody is perfect. And no grieving mother deserves this. That poor boy died in agony and those loyal dogs were put to sleep. Nobody wins. And no amount of blunts is gonna cure the pain that girl has to live with every single day.

        • October 25, 2017 at 11:59 am

          Child+pitbulls+playing nearby. If your a parent and the above words together dont turn you into a nutcase helicopter parent , you deserve to be called out.

      • Paul
        October 26, 2017 at 8:34 am

        Isn’t Turtleboy from Worcester?? Since when are we judging people that aren’t in any different situation.

    • whatevuh
      October 24, 2017 at 10:04 pm

      The mom is as piece of shit, she doesn’t deserve to have children

      • Bitch
        October 24, 2017 at 10:22 pm


    • Lou P
      October 24, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      You are having difficulty dealing with the stark truth.

    • Charlie
      October 25, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      Dont shit on people cuz of their job.They are working thats what counts.She can have a social life.I have kids i smoke pot.My kids played down the street with their friends.So what if she gets help for her rent.Her Xs have nothing to do with nothing.Its a bad accident a horrible accident lets leave it at that

      • bleh
        October 25, 2017 at 2:05 pm

        So, is this correct?
        What you are saying is:

        1. Alright for people to smoke pot.
        2. Alright for parents to smoke pot.
        3. OK to have other people (taxpayers) pay for the rent while the renter buys pot and “has a social life.”
        4. “Her Xs have nothing to do with nothing,” even though one or more of them created children with this woman, who may be getting taxpayer help with rent, while her children’s father/fathers are off NOT being married to the mother and not being husbands/fathers.

        Does that about sum it up?

  • J
    October 24, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    Normally I die laughing reading your posts… But not this one.. Yeah she smokes bud and chills with her friends. But she also just lost her child in one of the most horrific ways imaginable. And along with yourself, about a million people are pointing fingers at her and I’m 1000% sure she’s also pointing them at herself. This is a low blow my friend, even for you.

    As for the dog owner she’s lived in that house for 60+ years and the dogs were there to protect her, which they died for doing.

    So much loss in this situation… I don’t think this post is funny at all. A mother and father have to bury their child… Thats not a laughing matter.

    • Bitch
      October 24, 2017 at 10:21 pm

      None of it would of happened if she was paying attention to her kid that clearly doesn’t follow directions #deadbeatparentssuck

  • Notkevin
    October 24, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    Wow get a life. This is the most pathetic post I’ve ever read I’d love to watch what’s in store for your future (not very much by the looks of it) ! Bet it’s nothing special you low life. Karmas out there for trash bags like you 🙂 had a really hard time reading this alone with your low level vocabulary 🙁

  • Yazlin
    October 24, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    You are soooo bored with your life they you literally wrote a whoooole article downing oneeee person

  • captian creampie
    October 24, 2017 at 6:43 pm


    noun | trol·lop | ˈträ-ləp
    Examples: trollop in a Sentence… Look at that skank; what a Trollop!!

    Definition of trollop
    :a vulgar or disreputable woman; especially :one who engages in sex promiscuously or for money

  • Northshore Turtlebabe wants me
    October 24, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Well, she hit that goal….her kid aint gonna recover from childhood.

  • Stunt Penis
    October 24, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    I’m disappointed. I expected at least one picture to include a flat-brimmed Bulls cap…

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