Sports

Possibility Of A Meaningful Bills-Patriots Game In Week 17 Is Arousing My Turtle

gronk aaron hernandez

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Serious question – should the New England Patriots even try for the last two games of the season? Because as you saw in Sunday’s public flogging of the Miami Dolphins, the Patriots are in another league from everyone else. Patriots vs. NFL. Teams are slaughter. So what do we have to prove by winning by 30 points every week? Wins a win. Wrap up homefield and figure out who we’re playing in the Super Bowl.

The obvious one I worry about is Gronkboy. The guy seems like he’s cruising for a bruising. Somehow he’s managed not to get hurt all year and he’s arguably been the league’s MVP. When you couple that with the fact that streak of good luck with the fact that he’s been hanging out with dooshnozzle McGee

Gronk meets Bieber

AND the fact that somehow this happened on TV yesterday after the game:

gronkher-480x357

This all tells me that Gronk is just begging for his knee caps to get snapped. And OF COURSE it would happen against some garbage team of slug rakes like the New York Jets or Buffalo Bills. Because under no circumstances do we need Gronk to beat either of those crapbag teams.

Speaking of Buffalo, how friggin awesome is it that they won yesterday? I wanted them to beat the Packers SOOOO badly. Because as much as I shit on the Bills, it’s always better when they’re good. I remember back in 8th grade I used to love watching Jim Kelly go to battle against Drew Bledsoe and company. Then the Internet was invented and the Bills have been the biggest joke in all of sports.

The Bills now sit at 8-6 after shocking Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers. Here’s the standings as of right now:

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So as you can see the Bills still need a Christmas miracle to make the playoffs. They lose tiebreakers to both the Chiefs and Chargers. Let’s look at teams #4-9 and see who they play next week. Please tell me which of the following week 16 opponents you’d most like to face in a must win situation: 49ers, Steelers, Chargers, Texans, Broncos, Raiders.

If you didn’t say the Raiders then you should probably go back to playing Barbie dolls. And guess which of those teams gets the mighty Raiders next week? That’s right…BUFFALO!!!!

So let’s say the Steelers beat the Chargers, the Chiefs lose to the 49ers, the Ravens somehow lose to the Texans, and the Bengals lose to the Broncos. All of those could very likely happen except the Ravens losing. All the Bills would have to do to pass San Diego and KC is beat the Raiders. They’d be half a game behind the Bengals, and tied with the Ravens going into Week 16.

IF they beat the Raiders. Because let’s be honest – nothing could possibly be more Buffalo than losing to the Raiders and blowing your shot at a winning season the week after you beat the 2nd best team in the NFL. But I’m praying to sweet baby Jesus that they take care of business next week and are in a must win situation against the Pats in week 17. I mean, look how fired up these people are:

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LOL. Yea, the Bills can DEFINITELY host a playoff game. Especially since the Patriots already won the division….again.

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Just a reminder that this is what Tom Brady did against that same defense IN Buffalo:

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Greatest. Ever. I’m sure you guys will definitely shut him down in Week 17 though. I love the whole “If we only had a QB” thing too. Like it’s a utility outfielder or something. Only the most important position in all of sports and the Bills have some schmuck that was bouncing at the Blarney Stone three months ago playing quarterback. Besides that everything is fine.

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^^^That man is so Buffalo it hurts. The thought of a week filled with sort of debauchery is giving me a turtleboy in my pants.

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Yup, you’re definitely better than us through the transitive property of equality. Definitely.

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The overblown optimism about an 8-6 team that has lost 23 of their last 25 games against the Patriots is fantastic in so many ways. Imagine what they’ll be saying if they’re 9-6!!

Screen Shot 2014-12-15 at 8.48.52 PM

 

Yea if they can shut down the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL, who literally facializes the Bills each and every time he plays them, then the Bills can DEFINITELY win that game. For sure.

The bottom line is that I need a Bills-Patriots meaningful game in week 17 like you read about. Give me.

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8 Comment(s)
  • Got Nukes?
    December 19, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Billy,

    You’d be pissed too if you had to live in Cleveland…..

  • Billy
    December 16, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Buffalo is a QB, offensive line and new OC away from being legit. They’d need all those AND a shutdown corner (Peterson, Revis, Sherman, Haden etc) from being a contender. Those don’t happen overnight. When you talk 4 missing pieces to being a contender you welcome in about a third of the teams or more in the NFL in the conversation. As it is, the Bills have a dominant defense and no offense. Their offense is disgustingly bad at times. It would be as anti buffalo as it comes to pull off a win against the pats in Gillette in a week 17 win or go home scenario. Even if they get the help they need, they ain’t winning that game. As much as Id like them to, they won’t.

    Also, you oughta throw Cleveland in that poll. Last Cleveland Buffalo game I went to in Cleveland I was with my girlfriend and we minded out own business, but it didn’t stop Browns fans from throwing large ice chunks at us. That’s right, they threw the equivalent of rocks at a girl. And this was when both the browns and bills were pitiful teams with no hopes of going anywhere, so the outcome was only for minuscule bragging rights amongst our 2 beloved loser loving, post industrial Lake Erie cities.

  • Vanderbooger
    December 16, 2014 at 11:45 am

    “Then the internet was invented and…” I’m sorry Turtleboy, but that is not correct grammar. The correct way to say that sentence is: “And then Al Gore invented the internet and…”

  • Max
    December 16, 2014 at 9:50 am

    The Bills have a legitimate defense, one that is good enough to keep Brady in check. The problem is that “in check” means, theyre good enough to hold the Pats to 21, 24 or something around there. The bad news for the Bills is, their offense is so atrocious that they probably cannot match that total against a solid Pats defense.

    The Bills beat the Packers because that’s the type of team they can beat- the Packers have a pitiful defense. So their offense can actually break 20 points. The Broncos and Pats both have solid defenses and great offenses- hence the Bills cant keep up.

    Until they have a better QB, a better offensive line and get rid of that god awful offensive coordinator, they cant beat a team like NE. Their play calling is so illogical and terrible, and their line is so disgustingly inept, that even Brady would have to use everything he had to succeed with those 2 variables. Sprinkle in Orton, and you’re screwed.

  • Rexy foot fetish
    December 16, 2014 at 9:04 am

    The Bills only have one thing going for them, at least they aren’t the Jets…..

  • Brian Foll
    December 16, 2014 at 12:52 am

    Like I said in a previous post our team has less fantasy value than Oprah in a black satin teddy. We trade for a top notch wr and meanwhile our offense is carrying Mario Williams jockstrap to the bus after every game. When you have multiple QBs that miss wide open wrs, slide on 3&1 2 yards short when the defender is 4 yards away, and an offensive coordinator that has to call a screen every 3 plays because he has no faith in their qbs than yes I have to say if only we had a QB. And even if we did make the playoffs what’s our prize? A trip right back to foxboro!! Foxboro to the bills is the Rose bowl to a Big Ten team. We go their with so much optimism, and sometimes New England even plays with us the first half. Then bam! Reality hits quicker than a fat being told to leave at a frat house. I remain hopefully, after-all being a bills fan is worse than a drug problem. You know it’s bad for you, you often get short highs with extreme lows, and then you realize you’re surrounded by a not so special crowd (unless you count all the sex in the stands and parking lot) but you can’t give it up and keep coming back. If my team can get a QB and better on OL next year may be next year but not this year. This year we’re still the girl next door and New England is our prom queen.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      December 17, 2014 at 12:10 am

      My good man, thank you for proving that rational Bills fans do in fact exist.

  • Chris B
    December 16, 2014 at 12:17 am

    Be careful what you wish for division games are tough and the Bills defense is legit

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