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Pro Tip: When Your Name Is Jihad, Don’t Burn Your Charlton Apartment Down If You Don’t Want People Thinking You’re A Terrorist

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TelegramA Charlton man who originally claimed a fire set in his apartment was a failed suicide attempt because his first name, Jihad, prevented him from finding a job, was sentenced to state prison last week. Jihad Georges, 45, of 131 Muggett Hill Road, Apt. 6, admitted last month that the blaze was just an attempt to collect renter’s insurance. He pleaded guilty Dec. 21 in Worcester Superior Court to arson, and attempting to commit a crime, Worcester District Attorney Joseph D. Early Jr. announced Wednesday. Worcester Superior Court Judge Shannon Frison sentenced Mr. Georges on Jan. 4 to 2 years in state prison and 2 years of probation after his prison release, according to the announcement.

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How am I just finding out about this story now? A guy named Jihad uses the fact that his name is Jihad as a false motive for killing himself, when in reality he’s just trying to scam the insurance company. This happened in Charlton two years ago and I’m just finding out about this now? This is like something straight out of The Onion.

Hey here’s an idea. When your name is “Jihad,” try to keep a low profile as best you can. Ya know, just become a regular guy around town, get to know people, and that way people will say, “Jihad is a good shit, I really like that Jihad guy.” Who knows what some connections around town could lead to. Basically your goal should be to disassociate yourself with all possible stereotypes that come along with being named Jihad.

But whatever you do, don’t burn down your apartment and drive away in front of your neighbors. Ya know, because your name happens to be associated with radical Islamic terrorism, and so does burning buildings.

when your dad comes home from a suicide bombing

And what is he thinking telling the cops that he wasn’t there when the fire started? That was his defense initially. He came back to the fire and was like, “Oh shit, what happened?” Meanwhile he smelt like gasoline, his neighbors saw him driving away from the fire, and his name is Jihad, so that story didn’t hold up for too long. He should’ve taken his pilgrimage to Mecca and paid someone else to do it. At least then he’d have an alibi.

The bottom line is, this guy is a double scumbag. Not only did he intentionally try to kill other people (kids lived in this apartment complex) while he drove away in safety, he also played the “Islamophobia” card. “People won’t hire me because I’m Muslim and they think I’m a terrorist. I need a safe space!!” Well guess what dude? You’re not quite a terrorist, but you are a complete dooshnozzle who needs to be in jail. And obviously anyone who profiled you, or had second thoughts about you because your name was Jihad,  was justified in doing so.

 

 

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6 Comment(s)
  • WormtownorBust
    January 14, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    It might have been easier to just get your 1st name changed, bucko…

    However, “Jihad George” would make a cool name for an action figure.

    • Skeptical
      January 14, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Would he come with customizable bomb packs?

    • Pensrant
      January 14, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      Marry me. Please!

  • Um
    January 14, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    “How am I just finding out about this story now? ”

    Because you suck at your job.

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