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The Pumpkin Spice Mafia is still going strong in the Taunton-Raynham area, except this time they’re adding a little twist to it.
Usually they blame a white guy or some white church ladies. Once the Pumpkin Spice Mafia starts doing this to black dudes we may run into a problem. I believe the woke patrol has specifically declared that acting suspicious about people of color who are acting shady in public is a big no-no.
Obviously this was more human sex trafficking.
It’s the only conclusion a reasonable person could reach.
Normally it’s the church ladies who try to lure you towards the creepy dude in the parking lot with the rape van. But this time the guy was doing it solo, obviously got cocky, and failed in his mission.
This is who we’re dealing with here.
She rides horses. She was destined to join the Pumpkin Spice Mafia, and I’m surprised it took her this long.
Soon, other women joined in the support group to tell their tales of nearly being kidnapped.
Then things took a turn for the ratchet in the comments, and soon the turtle signal flashed above the night sky.
It started to get popcorn worthy once the kid in the picture showed up to defend his honor, and he was everything you dreamed he would be and more.
And we’re off!!
Now, I wasn’t there, but I would imagine everyone involved in this is just terrible to be around for more than 30 seconds at a time. D’boy is a real peach, and he let all the haters know his true feelings about the matter.
Lawyer aunts, strong use of the r word, albino pitbulls – this one’s already got it all.
Here was D’boy’s version of the story.
So let me get this straight. Some random chicks came up to you at Walmart, told you that you were not their type and denied your request for email. You then informed them that you were broke, and even though they weren’t attracted to you and you could offer nothing, they still offered to smoke you up. Except they didn’t have any weed.
Oh yea, this is all very clear now.
Then again, her story really doesn’t make any sense either. She called the Raynham PD? Sure she did.
“Hello, officer? There’s a guy here in the Walmart parking lot looking at us. It should be noted that he’s black and we’re basic white chicks. Please send back up.”
The post has almost 700 shares, yet her brilliant friends couldn’t figure out how he would’ve seen it.
After that he started bringing in his bois and it turned into ratchetpalooza.
Derek Marchand seems like a real Rhodes Scholar himself.
And of course to top off the most ratchet Pumpkin Spice Mafia Facebook post of all time, he figured he might as well drop his latest rap album in the comments for public consumption.
You gotta listen to this song. We do a lot of bad rap videos at Turtleboy, but I’ve never seen anything quite so eye gouging inducing as this masterpiece.
I can’t tell if it’s parody or not, but I wanna give him a lifetime supply of food stamps to never, ever play that song again.
The bottom line is that everyone in this story is terrible and they all deserve each other. It’s probably somewhere in between. He’s a broke creepy dude who just wants strange women at Walmart to smoke him up and give him their email. She’s a basic horse chick crying on Facebook and pushing a false narrative that there are sex traffickers nabbing basic broads in broad daylight. I just had a good time reading it, and thank the good lord that neither of them are me.