Purple Haired Goth Chick Staves Off Kidnapping In Lynn After Man Assaults Her And Tries Throwing Her In Black Rape Van 


Of all the things that never happened, this kidnapping in Lynn never happened the most.

Why is it always a black rape van? How come it’s never a silver Honda Civic? Everyone knows the shittiest people on earth own silver Honda Civics.

But just to review what happened here:

  • She went to the store
  • A guy in either a van or a SUV (she’s not sure which) tried to throw her in the back of his vehicle
  • He hit her in the head with a blunt object, causing the whole thing to be a blur, but she still was able to fight back against him and run off at which point he gave up on the kidnapping

OK Jan.

Is there a police report to go along with this Lifetime script?

Nah. Fuck that. She didn’t have time to call the cops or go to the hospital because she had to get home and take pictures to post on Facebook. Pictures where the blood looks fresh, and is for some reason coming out of her nose even though she said she was hit in the head.

I mean, just look at the horror of it all.

Thots and shares.

And just to show you how horrifically stupid mankind is, this obviously fabricated post has gotten over 1,600 shares and counting.

Of course literally zero people on her friends list even questioned her story.

And we have people out here saying it’s OK even if she is lying because this stuff happens in real life so it’s good that she’s drawing awareness to the epidemic of rape van kidnappings in Lynn.

Or, maybe, just maybe, this is yet another desperate plea for attention. I personally don’t trust goth chicks with purple hair.

But that’s just me.


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56 Comment(s)
  • Who Flung Cum
    December 13, 2019 at 10:09 am

    What has more piercings, her face or her busted ravioli? She looks like the dressing room at Sweaty Betty’s smells.

  • Mike Dukakis
    December 13, 2019 at 9:27 am

    Who does her eyebrows?


    (PS, please ride Amtrak)

  • Col. Mustard
    December 13, 2019 at 7:56 am

    I believe her
    I also believe it was a random attack of beauticians trying to do something about those eyebrows

  • Silencio Dogood
    December 13, 2019 at 2:06 am

    with a new nose ring wrung for blood, t’sa good thing this disabled young woman was young woman able to fight off the van man (who must have been the proverbial 98 pound weakling). this wife is a ball of confusion, curly fried into a Gordian knot of mental issues, self-indulgent fantasies, and smoking the pack of Newports picked up after the incident.

  • ChipChipperson
    December 12, 2019 at 10:28 pm

    I don’t know, folks, she sounds and looks very brave to me. Or dare I say fierce.

  • Cutter Cunt Stunt
    December 12, 2019 at 8:28 pm

    Skank goo very much…

  • Ghost Cowboy
    December 12, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    It’s like the Wild West out there. Many ride side saddle to their desired destination, fending off rapists and ne’er do wells along the way. Jump on a stage coach where at least someone truly rides shot gun. Ghost cowboy will be your travel companion. Safe to your destination you’ll be. Yee Haw.

    • Spic Tormentor
      December 12, 2019 at 7:12 pm

      Oh great, this fucking faggot is back.

      • soxrock191
        December 12, 2019 at 8:55 pm

        LmFAo!! apparently so…..

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    December 12, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    Did she purchase the Landon Steele fake blood and make up kit?

  • Brad is a Gay Rapest
    December 12, 2019 at 3:27 pm


  • Judge dread
    December 12, 2019 at 3:13 pm

    I wonder if he van had a tinted half moon window on the backside…

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    December 12, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    ‘Who’s driving that van? Stevie Wonder?’ – Bruce Willis, Diehard

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      December 12, 2019 at 6:48 pm

      No, it was Vince Vaughn, Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell trying to recruit her for a sick new fraternity……blue your my boy!

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    December 12, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    Another unnaturally colored hair dye mentally ill leftist

  • Booger
    December 12, 2019 at 2:29 pm

    I see boogers up her snot locker…

    • Fashionista
      December 13, 2019 at 9:29 am

      She’s trying to grow crystals on the nose rings. It’s all the rage right now

  • BA Baracus
    December 12, 2019 at 2:20 pm

    I pity that fool. We were just trying to get her to safety. Hannibal was all like its your turn BA and I said this is obviously a job for Face, not the big dude with the Mohawk and chains but nooooooo it’s always gotta be what Hannibal says.

  • soxrock191
    December 12, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    She needs to pluck her eyebrows & buy a humidifier.

    • Attention whoreticulturalist
      December 12, 2019 at 3:41 pm

      Fake rape stories are ugly girl propaganda. The point we’re all suppose to gleen is they’re so fucking irresistable to men they have to hide in their house or they’ll be attack by beatlemania size mobs of obsesssed men who’s lust for them is uncontrollable. So basically she’s saying she’s Marylin Monroe.

      • soxrock191
        December 12, 2019 at 8:59 pm

        Or Marilyn Manson….

      • factsymaxi
        December 13, 2019 at 2:51 pm

        Hi Attention Whoreticulturalist,
        I think you may have the wrong idea about why women experience such staggeringly high rates of rape and assault. The majority of the time, it has very very little to do with how a woman looks. Most cases of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault are attributed to the perpetrator’s desire to exert power over their target. Perpetrators often feel very small, weak, and powerless in their everyday lives and so they seek to violently exert power over other individuals for their own personal fulfillment. If you would like more factual information on this, a simple google search of “why do men rape” will yield numerous results that may aid your understanding of this.
        And yes, women do occasionally lie about rape and assault. Again, a simple google search of “why do women lie about rape” may help you to understand the topic a little more clearly.
        After doing some research into the two aforementioned search topics, if you still feel in your gut that this woman is lying about her attempted abduction and/or assault, perhaps you should consider the factors in your life that have led you to judge so quickly and harshly this situation. You may well find that you, like nearly every other human being, have unaddressed biases and prejudice that are affecting your perception of the situation.
        Regardless of which way your gut may ultimately lead you, there is currently in circulation no solidly acceptable evidence either for or against this woman’s claim. As such, we must all accept that, as none of us have all the facts, none of us are able to make an accurate judgment on the truth, and so any comment made on this article is merely the expression of opinion.

        • Attention horticulturalist
          December 20, 2019 at 11:21 pm

          I did read a book once called what cops know that said the contol thing you mentioned. My slant comes from a long lifetime of knowing unattractive women who would say and do anything for attention. Most of my child hood friends claim many rapes and some have even filed reports only to admit later they lied misremembered or where drunk and dont really know. The’ve tried to get me to cosign lies under duress and I wouldn’t. Lives were ruined or altered including mine and I’m a women too. Sorry I just think these facebook types are attention whoring. I’m not saying a guy wouldn’t rape an ugly chic. I ‘m saying ugly chics lie about it the most because they are the most desperate for attention. Ps I may be biased because i was sent away to boarding school after my friend claimed my mothers bfriend raped her. She later accused several others including her own brother. I had many friends accuse half a dozen people. I just don’t believe them especially cause I was there and it didn’t happen. Some claims were like in 2 minutes i left the room i got fully raped call the cops. Come on.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    December 12, 2019 at 12:37 pm

    Limerick of the Day….

    A dirty goth slapper called Jess,
    Took some pics showing her in distress,
    That was a mistake,
    It was obviously fake,
    I mean, who’d rape this vile ratchet mess?

    Dick Scratcher, 5’10”, a buck and a half after lunch.

    • Comment Reader
      December 12, 2019 at 1:57 pm

      We get it, you’re gay.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        December 12, 2019 at 3:31 pm

        Any chance of fucking yourself right off, there’s a lamb.

        Much love,


      • Elijah's final fart
        December 12, 2019 at 6:26 pm

        here’s a HOMO named “comment reader”
        who has a miniature peter
        he slandered ole Dick
        this faggot’s a spic
        “up your arse with a parking meter”

  • Dees nutz
    December 12, 2019 at 12:27 pm

    Sorry you got a bloody knows from snorting a zanny. Look at those druggy eye sockets. I call fucking bullshit. There is cameras every fucking where. She didn’t report it because it didn’t happen and there is proof on footage. If my wife called me with that story, 911 would be called, emts on the scene checking her out for head trauma, demanding to see footage myself. STFU junkbox and this ends your two minutes of fame. For those posting WOULD better have a clothespin for your nose to cover up that dank musty tuna tunnel. As fin says get fucked

  • Krystal
    December 12, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    Idk- it’s hard to say if she’s telling the truth- do I believe she is? No- but could she be? Yes.
    It’s totally rational to forget fine details in a moment of duress. That’s why phrases like “it was all a blur” or “it happened so fast” are common place.
    To see so many men on here on the oppositional side is the worst. I’m glad you wouldn’t rape her. That’s a great first step. I really hope you wouldn’t rape anyone on any premise At all, but rape and sexual abuse isn’t about being turned on or looks- it’s about control, power, and getting away with something THAT heinous. This type of reaction is WHY people stay quiet- that’s WHY your daughters, sisters and mothers ultimately don’t talk to you about it because the victim in most cases become the joke or the liar. So on that note- good luck to you dudes. I hope no one in your family is ever sexually victimized.

    • whitey
      December 12, 2019 at 12:45 pm

      Shut the fuck up you with your 80’s stripper name.

  • That 'Would' guy
    December 12, 2019 at 12:05 pm


    • No just no
      December 12, 2019 at 1:21 pm

      High standards apparently. Would anyone “would” you? Questionable to say the least.

  • Metro West Guy
    December 12, 2019 at 11:59 am

    Why does the van always need to be black? The criminals in Fantasyland never seem to drive white or blue vans…

  • William T. Madison
    December 12, 2019 at 11:34 am

    I’ve never had a bloody nose with such a small amount of blood as this. It looks like she got a tiny cut somewhere, squeezed out a drop of blood, and smeared it under her nose.

    Attempted kidnapping in the middle of the night. So traumatic, but nothing to report to the PD….sure

  • Spic Tormentor
    December 12, 2019 at 11:33 am

    Chicks who dye their hair over the age of 13 are absolutely useless to society and don’t wash their smelly clams

    • White girl occasionally wasted
      December 12, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      Agreed. I’ve never encountered anyone with their hair dyed an unnatural color older than the “awkward teen years” that didn’t have mental health issues. Weirdos. I would wager on the odds of this chick being on the disability dole. Also, the cat ears. For fucks sake. Is she 10 and it’s Halloween?

  • Real G
    December 12, 2019 at 11:25 am

    Nobody is going to rush/rape a chick that ugly. Though all those nasty-ass nose rings? Butt stuff. Guaranteed.

    • Ward of the Welfare State
      December 12, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      Her soy boy cuck husband would have better luck getting kidnapped/raped then her! He’d probably beg them to keep him afterwards – cause it would the best ass play/deep drilling his “dirty rice shooter’s” had in years!

      A black van, is cover for low-riding 87 Impala Chebies esai! Typical beaner mobile – a $100 car with a $2000 stereo system and $300 security system! Total Chelsea/Everett stank ass trash pussy magnet!

  • sickofthis-shite
    December 12, 2019 at 11:23 am

    wheres the men in red hats saying “This is MAGA Country Bitch” ? Maybe that will be in the next script she put’s out.
    World was better when our form of communication was the kitchen rotary phone with 10ft cord. And saturday night live was actually funny. This tech shit is destroying/demoralizing us. Just Saying.

  • Diego
    December 12, 2019 at 11:19 am

    Gross…. And what’s with the neck shots? I can’t see anything except her stink in those pics. I’m thinking the nose ring but s infected, causing the blood…

  • abc
    December 12, 2019 at 11:00 am

    happened at night. husband “works at night”. but he was home sleeping and came and picked her up….?

    • Ward of the Welfare State
      December 12, 2019 at 3:24 pm

      Probably had to borrow his next door neighbor’s kid’s Big Wheel!

    • defg
      December 12, 2019 at 4:12 pm

      LOL – Was hoping I wasn’t the only one who caught that

  • Troubled Nostrils
    December 12, 2019 at 10:59 am

    If I owned a black van, I’d paint “RAP VAN” on the side, just to screw with people. Yes, I left off the “E” on purpose. RAP VAN.

  • Betty Ford
    December 12, 2019 at 10:52 am


  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    December 12, 2019 at 10:52 am

    The bloody nose is from her picking her nose and her finger got caught in one of the stupid rings.

  • Whacky Jacky
    December 12, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Fake blood smears to the 10th degree!

  • AngryWhiteDad
    December 12, 2019 at 10:49 am

    I’d love to bang this dumb bitch while her cuck-fem-they/them boyfriend watches. By looking at her, you can tell she would just lay there though. Let me guess, she hasn’t seen her daddy since she was 8. Easy pickins.

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    December 12, 2019 at 10:48 am

    She needs to see Jackson Mahomes eyebrow guy. That shit tough to look at.

  • hartf811
    December 12, 2019 at 10:40 am

    And Trump was ridiculed for saying 3rd world hellholes were not “sending their best” to the USA. Go to Lynn.

  • R Lee Ermey
    December 12, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Unless she looks like a Victoria’s Secret model under those rags I can’t imagine anyone wanting a piece of that.

  • Sgt. Truth Meter
    December 12, 2019 at 10:37 am

    Cops aren’t stupid. The only way this shit ends is if they start charging these liars with a crime OR at least sending them a bill for services rendered.

    • randiguy2006
      December 12, 2019 at 1:12 pm

      She DIDN’T report it numbnuts…what should they charge her with?

      Filing a false FB post?

  • NH turtle rider
    December 12, 2019 at 10:30 am

    True or fake, That’s lynn for you. I remember walking around thinking I was safe when I was 13 and wait… I never got stolen and I’m not toooo hard in the eyes lol….. now I look back and wonder how I survived all the hood rats, black vans (maybe SUVs) and crazy people . I mean, You got people jumping out of trash cans to kidnap and rob you for your lighter just so they can hit their tinfoil drug device. No nobody in lynn wants to worry about kidnapping someone, that takes effort and we all know everyone in lynn is lazy government gremlins. Some how I feel like the late night walk to the store was more of a early wake up run to the stoop stop bodega. Aka the dope mans house lol

    • Christopher Lettiere
      December 12, 2019 at 11:52 am

      “I’m not toooo hard in the eyes”

      Post a link to your SM, and we’ll let you know.

      • NH turtle rider
        December 12, 2019 at 10:38 pm

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