Hoodrat Heroes

Queen City Queeflatifah Starts GoFundMe To Find Missing Fugitive Husband In NYC, Turns Out He Was Just Skipping Court Again

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Smiles Forever, the newest Turtleboy Sports page and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And another one! The GoFundMe scams are really ramping up now that the ratchet economic stimulus funds are dwindling.

Last week, this Queeflatifah

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup and indoor

Samantha Martineau, of Manchester misplaced her preferred tuna harpoon, Wilfredo Morales

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

shockingly, right before a court appearance and before he’d gotten a chance to brush his chompers.

She hadn’t heard from him in days, so, she did the only logical thing she could think of: start a GFM and cry on the Facebook machine.

HE DINDUNUFFIN! We’ll get to that, but first…

Initially, she was asking for $2,500 – yep, you read that right – twennyfi-hunnit beans, to launch a recon operation to get on down to NYC and haul her bologna basket back to the Queen City. I guess she never heard of the Fung Wah or whatever the hell it’s called these days. Five bucks gets you from the Combat Zone in Boston right to Chinatown in the Big ol’ Apple, and you get the live-action thrill of wondering whether or not the bus is gonna blow up once it hits highway speeds. What’s NOT to love about that arrangement?

Anyway, it seems Willy Wanker reappeared yesterday, and so she didn’t look greedy, this poonsqueak adjusted her GFM accordingly:

A hundo to get this fuzzy slab of meatloaf back to New England? Girl, is you high? Since he missed court last Tuesday, all he has to do is walk into any police station in NYC and bam! He’ll be extradited back to ManchVegas pronto courtesy of that bench warrant he’s got out on him now.

And considering he’s been featured in the coveted top spot of the US Marshals’ “Fugitive of the Week”

I think they’d have no problem going to pick Willy Whackher up to escort him on home, free of charge.

I know it’s tough to imagine this face

Image may contain: 1 person

having violent tendencies, cuz clearly, he’s a lover, not a fighter

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup

But it’s true!

We’re bubbling over with anticipation waiting on the reunion of these two meatsicles. It’s gonna be grand!

And as you can see, Queeflatifah can’t hardly contain her whistling skinflaps, either.

Image may contain: 1 person, sleeping, indoor and closeup

32 Comment(s)
  • Hes been spotted
    March 26, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    You can relax Samantha. You’re man was in New York for American Idol tryouts and didn’t want to spoil the surprise!!

  • The Vorlon
    March 26, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    To hell with brushing his teeth–the tongue needs brushing first. As for her, I wouln’t trust a NASA spacesuit to protect me. The EMT’s must double glove when they get the weekly call to visit her cave.

  • Bleh
    March 26, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    That bitch is just gross. They’re fucking worse than shit eating maggots.

  • Pka61185
    March 26, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    ughhhhhh, he has a homeless man’s teeth, wtf, looks like he eats rock soup for bfast

  • Pka61185
    March 26, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    why is his nipple so far over in that picture? ugh, i am going to puke

  • Will Crusher
    March 26, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    She looks like how Budweiser tastes.

    • Pka61185
      March 26, 2018 at 5:40 pm

      warm bud!!!!!

  • Dwayne
    March 26, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Manchester, used to be a great city a couple of generations ago. Like many other cities and towns it has sunk to new lows. Take a good look at these clowns in the photos. Guaranteed we are paying for their antics, one way or another.

  • Captain Trips
    March 26, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    Queeflatifah and I. Deserted Island. Last two humans alive. The future of the human race all depends on us reproducing.

    Sorry.

    No humans left.

    Extinct.

    • panzer9811
      March 26, 2018 at 7:10 pm

      Wellllllll- maybe ONE human left…..pretty sure it ain’t gonna be Queenlanasty.

  • pOONsquEAK
    March 26, 2018 at 3:41 pm

    hi!

    it’s my birthday 🙂

    • panzer9811
      March 26, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      Well then! Happy birthday!

  • Gay Trucker
    March 26, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    Brian, are you still gonna meet me in the rest area tonight? I got a 5 day load waiting to splash your girly tonsils. Wear the lacy thong again this time.

    • Brian Albrecht
      March 26, 2018 at 3:38 pm

      HAHA WOW GOOD ONE- No one

      • Gay Trucker
        March 26, 2018 at 3:43 pm

        Don’t talk with your mouth full, fleshlight.

        Mmmmmmm…

        • Brian Albrecht
          March 26, 2018 at 3:49 pm

          Listen if you’re looking for an ass to fuck i dont care, but talk to Bret M Killoran. That pole smoker loves a good ass fucking. His GIGANTIC fat whore of a wife told me while i was selling her dope. the strap on she uses on him is as big as her!

  • R
    March 26, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    OMG. I was already laughing with the first few sentences, but the Lucky Star Bus…and then “does this look like a man that would disappear on his family”…Seriously priceless.

  • z
    March 26, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    That 2nd photo (with the white eye-liner) is the probably the scariest female photo you have ever posted. And there have been some scary ones.

    Again, I’m going to bring up selfies. I hate selfies. But, if you do have to do them for some reason, what possessed you into thinking that was a good look?

    Anyways, let’s say he didn’t reappear.
    $2500 doesn’t sound like that would get you more than a day or 2 tops in NYC.

    I did a quick search and $50-55 per hour and in some parts of the world $300/hour to buy a P.I. I’m guessing NYC is “some parts of the world”. Then what? Another GFM?

  • 90's Tv Stars rule
    March 26, 2018 at 3:12 pm

    Thank God this precious member of society has been found. What would we all do without his contributions?

    God…why couldn’t we have just left him dead the last time he OD’d

  • PhilSimmsSucks
    March 26, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    Aw, what the fuck???? Can you put some kind of warning befor one of those rancid fucking tongue pics??
    Been dry heaving since i saw that. Oh shit, that’s hundreds of kinds of nasty

    • ElJefe72
      March 26, 2018 at 8:01 pm

      A “NSFW” is very appropriate in this case. 

  • TJB
    March 26, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    Whistling Pissflaps-Awesome. The bitches face looks like a fucking Halloween mask.

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 26, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    IT REALLY IS A TOSS UP OF WHO’S UGLIER, THIS BITCH OR ANY BITCH BRET HAS EVER FUCKED. MY MONEYS ON EVERY GIRL BRET HAS TOUCHED IS AN ABSOLUTE ABOMINATION OF A HUMAN.

    • Animal Pornstar
      March 26, 2018 at 3:27 pm

      Every dude you ever touched has either put you in the hospital or the Home For Battered Douches.

  • Sloppy
    March 26, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    Hey Samantha Martineau and Wilfredo Morales, if you’re reading this, or if someone’s reading it to you because you can’t read, do me a favor:
    I want you to take your EBT cards, your food stamps, the keys to your Section 8 housing, your free heating fuel vouchers, your free ObamaPhones, and anything else the working man has yanked out of his paycheck and given to you for free while you waste air and space… crumple it all up into a ball, and jam it right up your fucking ass.

    • panzer9811
      March 26, 2018 at 7:16 pm

      Sounds acceptable. I wanna watch!

  • Savage Squaw Bitch
    March 26, 2018 at 2:51 pm

    Damn, that’s one ugly bitch!

    Poonsqueak is my new favorite word, by the way.

  • Samantha
    March 26, 2018 at 2:29 pm

    These people are so gross looking. Wouldn’t have sex with them no matter how much you paid me. Blehhhh.

    • panzer9811
      March 26, 2018 at 7:17 pm

      I would rather be drawn and quartered.

  • Bret
    March 26, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    You’re going to get in trouble for putting Brian Albrights mom on blast foo.
    He’s gunna suck the life out of you. (And anyone with $5)

    • Brian Albrecht
      March 26, 2018 at 2:42 pm

      BRO I would fucking kick the shit out of you. You’re a fake internet tough guy. Your so old and ugly its plain disgusting.I’m truly shocked you can even read. You’re a pussy and you always have been. I hope i run into you oneday so i can BURY my battering ram right hand in that ugly fucking mouth of yours you poor fuck. I PAY YOUR BILLS AND BUY YOUR FOOD. Say thank you daddy. Your fat whore of a wife already does bitch
      #POORBRET
      #PUSSY
      #WifeIsUgly

      • Gay Trucker
        March 26, 2018 at 3:38 pm

        Talk hardo to me, Brianna. Damn, you get my unicorn steaming, you hot piece of ass.

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It