WTF

Rachel Dolezal Video Speaking At Baltimore Riots Is The Ballsiest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

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The Rachel Dolezal story is the gift that keeps on giving. She truly is fascinating. And I’m not gonna lie, I respect the hell out of this woman. Not necessarily for the nonsense she’s been preaching while pretending to be black. No, I respect her for exposing so many inconsistencies in our society and sticking to her guns.

For instance, in her interview with the Today Show, she easily could’ve said she was sorry and came up with some bullshit excuse. But fuck that. She went down swinging.

“I identify as black. … I was drawing self-portraits with the brown crayon instead of the peach crayon, and black curly hair. I’m transracial.”

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Is transracial a word? Nope. But who gives a shit? I mean, everyone else is literally making this stuff up as we go along, so why not her? This was her only card people!! She’s not dumb. As you can see, she CLEARLY believes she is a black soul trapped in the body of a white oppressor. She realized that at a young age and she took the only action a five year old white girl from Montana could make – she started using the brown crayon. Solidarity!!

Rachel-Dolezal-Memes-the-dress.

Some people were trying to say that there is a difference between what she did and what Bruce Jenner did. I will admit that if she ADMITS that the whole thing was a scam and she was LYING the entire time, then the two aren’t as comparable as one of our blogger’s initially thought.

But she didn’t do that because she realized that all she has to do is say she has always “identified” as black, and there’s literally nothing that hippies can do to stop her. Prove that she doesn’t. You can’t. Because this WHOLE THING is based on the honor system.

And quite frankly, anyone who thinks Bruce Jenner is a woman, but Rachel Dolezal is a white woman, is a fraud. You can’t possibly argue otherwise. You ARE whatever you claim to identify as. We have no choice but to take your word for it. Take it or leave it. You can’t just accept that when it’s the cool thing to accept. You have to be consistent or else you’re a fraud. Rachel Dolezal knew this and she put forced them into a corner. You go girlfriend!!

She also blew the door off a couple of other myths too. First, the Circlejerk’s myth that black kids can only learn from black teachers. Last week a 14 year old daughter of a known Worcester hippie, came out and said that she needed black teachers in order for her to feel like she had a place to go to when she her white teachers said racist things to her. If Rachel Dolezal was a teacher at North this girl would’ve gone to her, despite the fact that she was a white woman in disguise. She taught African-American history to black students and she did it well. Hippie theory officially debunked by Rachel Dolezal.

 

But by far the biggest power move in Rachel Doleza’s prolific career as a black woman was her now uncovered speech at the Baltimore riots:

Wow. That took a lot of minerals right there. But seriously, how was her voice not a dead giveaway? Ummmmm, that sounds like every white girl I’ve ever met ever. That and the fact that she looks like the seat covers in Grandpa’s Buick.

But then again, her protester swag was undeniable. Not only did she speak, she went out of her way to introduce herself and make herself the center of attention. That’s freaking BALLSY right there. Like when the cowardly lion dressed up as a guard in order to yell at the Wizard of Oz.

And when you think about it, this was her best move. I mean, as soon as she says, “I’m the president of the Spokane NAACP and we’ve been doing good work for the cause in Alaska” the whole thing becomes believable. How many of these dudes do you think have ever been to Alaska? None. So she knows that they’e probably falling for it because it’s entirely believable that this is what the five black people in Alaska actually look like.

Keep living the dream Rachel Dolezal.

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16 Comment(s)
  • June 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    You know, light-skinned black people like my self take a lot of shit from dark-skinned blacks. Kinda wonder why I haven’t heard from a lot of black folks on this…

  • oneopinion
    hanginpossum
    June 19, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    Kelly Osbourne just got ripped for putting on a Rachel Dolezal costume. Is mocking someone who mocks really that bad? I’d consider that like a double negative which in this case makes the last thing opposite and therefore is ok. It reminds me of the Robert Downey Jr line in Tropic Thunder.

  • Kate
    June 19, 2015 at 11:22 am

    I still can’t stop staring at the faux tan. Does she use a booth? Spray tan? As a pasty a$$ white girl I can tell you, that’s dedication right there.

    Really, though, you can’t tell me there’s not something nutty going on in that family. Her parents throwing her under the bus on national TV, losing custody of Rachel’s now adopted son. Something is amiss there and who can blame the apple for falling not far from the tree?

    • Rena
      June 19, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Not to mention her older supposedly blood brother being accused of molesting another adopted family member. The whole clan is a complete disaster.

  • WormtownorBust
    June 19, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Spray tan?

  • Steven Stover
    June 18, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Didn’t those guys behind her notice that there was no booty?

  • oneopinion
    Hanginpossum
    June 18, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    It’s like when George Costanza claimed he became a marine biologist to save a whale except she didn’t save anything and her delusion lasted a lot longer

  • COB
    June 18, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    I am a black man from the waist down!

    😀 😀 😀

  • Max Pixel
    June 18, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    I identify with Italian food, therefore I am pizza. That’s a spicy meat-a-ball!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kat Klein
    June 18, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I just want to know how she got her hair to look like that?

    • oneopinion
      hanginpossum
      June 19, 2015 at 8:31 pm

      She’s an African American hair stylist. She might have worded it slightly differently but I heard her say that in a recent interview.

      • oneopinion
        hanginpossum
        June 19, 2015 at 9:02 pm

        *ethnic hair stylist

  • RSoxGuy
    June 18, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Here’s my question, if transgendered get to use any bathroom, do whites that identify as black qualify for Affirmitive Action benefits?

    • Leo
      June 18, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      Yes, because if you check the box saying you’re black then you’re good, that’s all they get to go on.

      • Leo
        June 18, 2015 at 8:47 pm

        (I know a guy who’s from Australia, white as they come. He checks “Pacific Islander” on those things because hey, Australia’s an island in the Pacific, right?)

    • BobnMic
      June 18, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      Sure RSoxGuy just ask Elizabeth Warren…

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