Sports

Red Sox Fan Who Can’t Spell, Yankees Fan Who Doesn’t Understand Yankees Compete For Worst Fan In Universe

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Today we have a head to head competition for worst fan in MLB so far this season. It’s a toss up. Fittingly we’ve got a Boston Red Sox, and a New York Yankees fan. Here are your competitors:

Contestant 1

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Contestant #1 embarrasses me as a Red Sox fan. First of all, she’s at a Yankees-Astros game. The minute you go to an Astros game you’ve already lost. You have to be a pretty big dooshnozzle to go to a Yankees game in Houston with a camouflage Red Sox hat, tilted to the side without a curved rim, holding a sign that is a disgrace to humanity. Based on the spelling, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she never went to collage.

You know what I hate about this girl? She’s disguising her pink hatness in camouflage. The fact that she gives a shit about Jacoby Ellsbury is the dead giveaway there. Ellsbury was always the default favorite player of the pink hat. Any real fan of the Red Sox knew that Ellsbury was basically a rent-a-player. You knew the minute he went to free agency he was gone, because he’s a top dollar kind of guy. And good for him. He doesn’t owe us shit. Make all the money you want Jacoby. Real fans understand this concept, and they accept the fact that he’s not even worth close to the money that the Yankees spent on him. Only morons think that people like Ellsbury are “traders” for taking the best offer out there for them.

As a Red Sox fan we completely reject this girl. Sorry, but we can’t be held responsible for the nudnikery of people masquerading as Red Sox fans in Houston. Most likely she’s just a Yankees fan trying to sabotage our image. Well done Yankees. She is clearly a product of Texas public schools, so she can hardly be faulted for the fact that she went 3 for 5 in spelling on this sign.

 

Contestant 2

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I’ve never met this guy before, but I’m 100% sure he’s a giant asshole. He’s one of those Yankee fans who calls himself Italian because his great grandmother left that God-forsaken miserable place 100 years ago. Most likely he lives somewhere in Bergen County, NJ, and the highlight of his life is when the Sopranos shot a scene at the place he gets breakfast once a week.

But yea, once again, just like the girl above, this guy doesn’t understand the concept of free agency. Robinson Cano is the greatest hitting second basemen in baseball, possibly the greatest of all time. He was the ONLY bright star on the disgraceful bunch of rag tags who took the field 81 times in the Bronx last year. And instead of paying him from the bottomless pile of cash at the Yankees disposal, they just let him go to Seattle. And how’d they spend that money instead? On a player who constantly gets injured (Ellsbury), Dick-K 2.0 (Tanaka), and an aging, slow outfielder (Beltran).

So this guy probably understands baseball on the same level as the pink camouflage hat. Newsflash pal – you are a Yankees fan. Do you understand the irony of a Yankees fan complaining about a player selling out to the highest bidder? Do we really have to go over this? This is how the Yankees won those 27 World Series rings you love to bring up whenever you realize you’re wrong about something.

Oh yea, and Cano isn’t on the Astros, so I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to accomplish here. It looks like he’s standing up and booing. Booing who? The poor schmucks who have to put on Houston Astros jerseys every night? Haven’t they been through enough? After all, the highlight of their season last year was when the snow cone guy got fired for taking a massive dump with his tray of snow cones in the stall.

Poor snow cone guy.

So it’s a really tough call, but I have to say that the girl in the Red Sox hat is the bigger fraud. Just has more strikes against her. She’s not at a Red Sox game, she can’t spell, she wears her hat like a dooshnozzle, and her favorite player was Ellsbury. There’s just more to hate about her. She is our grand dooshnozzle champion today.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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3 Comment(s)
  • April 3, 2014 at 9:26 am

    I think she was trying to funny. Not so unfortunately that just makes her a bigger douche in my eyes.

    • Joey G
      April 3, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      She’s about as funny as a guy taking a dump in the holy water… wait, that would be funny. It is about as funny as Suzy Park! HAHAHA… Now she’s not very funny at all!

  • Joey G
    April 3, 2014 at 9:11 am

    That guy holding up the sign at the Astros game confuses me more than the “Two Bad Neighbors” sign that George Bush put up on his house in that Simpsons episode.

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