Today’s installment of “ideas so bad they literally melt your brain” is brought to you by two of our most beloved dumpster fires – nearly 40-year-old failed rapper and habitual drug user Billy Bagnera, AKA “Billy Baggz”, and Josh Abrams’ alleged drug mule and latest domestic violence victim – Danielle Bognanno, AKA “Hot Tow Truck Girl”. They’d like you all to know that Billy is so incredibly desperate for a sliver of our time and attention, that he’s willing to completely tank the few remaining shambles of Danielle’s life on Thanksgiving day just for a shout out. Well, hey there Billy!
That was dumb. If you’re going to take photos portraying yourself as in some sort of unholy ratchet union with Turtleboy’s most infamous credit card thief de jour, perhaps pick a better backdrop than the casino she has been trespassed from in the midst of an open felony case? Just a thought. Also, maybe don’t refer to yourself as having been “PRETTY FUCKED UP AS YOU CAN TELL !!!!” while the glassy-eyed broad perched awkwardly in between your dirty Nike sneakers has an open DCF case and isn’t allowed any unsupervised contact with her kid. It doesn’t exactly scream “responsible parenting”. But, hey, at least they seem….happy?
I imagine a Thanksgiving with the newly assembled “Bagnera family” would look a lot like the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special – except instead of popcorn and jellybeans, it’s crack rocks and suboxone.
Crack cocaine is one hell of a drug, y’all.
But this level of stupidity alone did not suffice for Billy, of course, so he just had to send the evidence straight to our page, too.
Christ on a cracker, Billy. You know, it’s not like the police every check up on our blogs to help solve cases or anything.
Billy just set Tow Truck girl up worse than Will Turbitt and Anthony Micelli combined. Any bets on how long before the courts get wind of this pre-trial violation?
On the bright side, Baggz did indeed bestow some early Christmas joy on our Turtleriders, who responded with sheer delight to this less than startling revelation.
So at least there’s that. Billy keeps repeating “Don’t ever play yourself” like a cracked-out broken record stuck on stupid, which is great, because he seems entirely oblivious to exactly how hard he and Danielle have, in fact, just “play themselves”. Shacking up with a guy who does shit like this all day at damn-near 40:
Is positively not the right move if you want to get the kid you just lost for the umpteenth time back in your care and custody. Now, maybe they’re together or maybe this was just a troll job so Billy could “re-enter the Turtleboy beef”
But good luck proving that negative if that’s the case – Josh Abrams already proved what “friendship” looks like for Danielle. We have no “beef” with you, either, Billy. Let’s be clear. First and foremost because this isn’t a middle school in 1993, so nobody talks like that anymore. And also, you make for spectacular content, enough so that despite your crippling and abject failure to amount to anything of any real value at your advanced age, you mean something to us. Truly. Feel free to stop by and act crazy any time – I personally love it. Just please understand that your literal crackhead antics are going to work out even worse for Danielle than they have for you. Also, please know that “I section 12’d myself at Mass General hospital after I couldn’t find Diego on Methadone Mile, and they discharged me in less than 24 hours”, is not a viable defense to your clearly drug-fueled hi-jinx.
All that means is that you’re not homicidal, suicidal, or successfully scoring any drugs from the ER today. It doesn’t make you look stable or good, nor is it going to convince any rational probate judge or social worker that you’re a good choice to be around the child Danielle has already terribly neglected on her own. Two unfit absentee parents don’t combine to make one good one – this isn’t Voltron. We know you’ve been smoking rock, Billy – you’ve inadvertently displayed yourself doing so on the internet, remember?
Oh, man. Not a good look.
Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple, if that’s what they actually are. This is going to end really well for both of them, I’m sure of it. God bless. I hope the next time we check in with Billy, it’s due to an epic bum fight on Methadone Mile with Josh Abrams for Tow Truck Girl’s affections. Because he sure is gonna be pissed when he gets out.