WTF

Round 2 With Judge Berman Was More Patriots, Tom Brady Porn

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Every time I hear an update about Deflategate I get aroused because I know it will vindicate Tom Brady and emasculate Roger Goodell. Last week Judge Berman basically took a steamy dump on Roger Goodell and the NFL when he made it clear that the shitty, juvenile Wells Report was gonna be ripped apart like a burrito in the Berg-Powers household.

However, today this Adam Schefter tweet momentarily put a scare in Patriots fans everywhere:

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But fear not New Englanders, it’s all just a brilliant maneuver by Brady’s lawyers. Basically what Brady was doing was offering to accept a deal that he knew damn well the NFL wouldn’t take. By offering to accept a suspension if, and ONLY IF, the NFL admitted that they were suspending him solely for not cooperating, he had them by the balls.

Ya see, he knows damn well that Goodell wants him to admit he deflated the balls, because the Wells Report failed to do that conclusively. So he knows Goodell won’t accept a deal in which Brady doesn’t admit he knew about balls being deflated.

By offering this olive branch which will obviously be rejected, who comes out looking like the reasonable party to Judge Berman? Exactly. The chosen one. This was all just fun and games and Brady won. Again.

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Here’s what happened in court today, from Michael Hurley of CBSSports, who is quickly becoming one of the top reporters in the area:

Berman went so far as to accuse the NFL of taking a “quantum leap” when taking Ted Wells’ finding of “general awareness” and later deeming Brady to have “approved of, consented to, and provided inducements in support of … a scheme to tamper with the game balls.”

Yup. General awareness was probably the dumbest thing Wells could’ve written. But it was the best he could come up with. Goodell needed something to get Brady on and this was good enough. Somehow he never envisioned Brady taking this to court. I mean, it’s only his legacy and millions of dollars on the line right?

NFL attorney Daniel Nash contested that not only was Brady aware of a plan to deflate footballs, but he was actively involved in it. Berman’s response was concise: “Why doesn’t [the Wells report] say that?”

Boom. Roasted. 

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Berman also openly took issue with Goodell’s decision to suspend Brady for four games, stating simply, “I have a little trouble with that.”

For one, no similar punishments have ever been handed out. There’s also the unclear measure of how much of that suspension relates to alleged awareness of football deflation and how much relates to non-cooperation. Lastly, Berman didn’t quite see eye-to-eye with Goodell’s assessment that awareness of football deflation could be equated to steroid use.

Nash tried to state that it had to do with “integrity of the game,” but Berman wasn’t sold.

“I still don’t see how the four games is comparable to a player using steroids,” Berman flatly stated.

LOL. I LOVE how the NFL is trying to say the 4 game suspension makes sense because that’s the same suspension you get for steroids. The logic is of course that both are forms of cheating that give the player an obvious advantage. 

The problem with this of course is that it’s so dumb that Bryan Jackson could see through the weaknesses of it. Look what taking steroids out of baseball has done to the game. One day everyone and their mother is hitting 40 home runs and a million RBI’s. The next day Pablo Sandoval is making $20 million a year to be a fat waste of space. That’s the effect steroids can have on athletic competition. 

Now let’s look at what the effect of slightly deflated balls, that Tom Brady may or may not have had a general awareness about can do to a game. Here’s what Brady did in the first half with the allegedly deflated balls against the Colts:

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Not much. Here’s what he did in the second half with the measured and legally inflated balls:

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That’s more like it. 

Then here’s what he did in the Super Bowl, against a vastly superior defense with balls that were regulated like ADHD medication:

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Dominant. He threw for under 100 yards and 1 touchdown of the first half of the AFC Championship game. If deflated balls had the same effect on player performance that steroids have on player performance, then Brady would’ve passed for 500 yards and 8 touchdowns in the first half of the Colts game. But he didn’t. Because PSI doesn’t matter. Brady knows that. Goodell knows that. Judge Berman knows that. And soon Tom Brady will be a free man, ready to spew all this leftover butthurt on the Pittsburgh Steelers on opening night.

Can’t wait.

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