Politics WTF

Salon Magazine’s David Masciotra Uses Veteran’s Day To Remind Us That Soldiers Aren’t Heroes

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Today is Veteran’s Day. It is a day to reflect upon the sacrifices the brave men and women who have dedicated their lives to protecting all of us so that we may enjoy the sweet delicious fruit of American freedom. I have a lot of friends in the U.S. military. Words can’t express how much I appreciate the selfless sacrifices they’ve made in defense of democracy. Lots of you have family and friends that have served Uncle Sam as well, and likely feel the same sense of gratitude today. However, some genius named David Mosciatra thinks we’re all just a bunch of brainless idiots.

This is David Masciotra



Apparently the drummer from Nickelback is now a dooshnozzle freelance writer. I mean, this guy has all the necessary elements of a pompous dingbat writer. Beautifully manscaped goatee. Long, flowing, conditioned locks. Crucifix earrings from a guy who has repeatedly shit on Christianity in his writing. The man just oozes dooshnozzelry.

And he is WAY smarter than you. Like, a million times smarter than you. That’s why he writes for Salon MagazineIn honor of Veteran’s Day he thought it would be appropriate to title an article called “You don’t protect my freedom: Our childish insistence on calling soldiers heroes deadens real democracy.”

Move over Gish Jen, you’ve got company!!

So obviously this guy is a complete and utter nudnik. You simply don’t title an article like that unless you’re purposely trying to put yourself out there as a resident troll/asshole. Let’s look at some of the genius things this Creed reject had to say:

Put a man in uniform, preferably a white man, give him a gun, and Americans will worship him. It is a particularly childish trait, of a childlike culture, that insists on anointing all active military members and police officers as “heroes.”

Stop the fight!! Let’s start with the fact that in the first sentence he mentions a “white man.” Because when you’re a white, upper middle class, ultra radical idiot like this dolt, then you have to establish from the beginning that white men are inherently evil. This dude wakes up every day, sees a white dude in the mirror and is ashamed. So making sure he sets the record straight that white dudes are easier to worship than all of other types of people is a priority of people who bear the guilt that he does every single day.


Secondly, no one is calling all military and cops “heroes.” But it’s Veteran’s Day, and today we thank and honor them for voluntarily signing their life away in defense of the United States of America. More importantly we commemorate those who served and are no longer with us. There’s 365 days in a year. We say “thank you” to veterans on two of them. Apparently this is hero worship.

The opening paragraph goes on to say this:

The rhetorical sloppiness and intellectual shallowness of affixing such a reverent label to everyone in the military or law enforcement betrays a frightening cultural streak of nationalism, chauvinism, authoritarianism and totalitarianism, but it also makes honest and serious conversations necessary for the maintenance and enhancement of a fragile democracy nearly impossible.

See that right there? That’s like a red flag for bullshit. When people like this dingleberry have nothing constructive to say they always just turn to the one friend that never lets them down and makes them feel validated – the thesaurus. Because saying shit like “rhetorical sloppiness,” “intellectual shallowness,” “betrays a frightening cultural streak of nationalism, chauvinism, authoritarianism and totalitarianism,” and “maintenance and enhancement of a fragile democracy” gives people the impression that you actually know what the fuck you’re talking about.

But don’t be fooled, the message this guy is sending is nothing that any high school dropout wouldn’t say after watching a Michael Moore documentary. Basically what he just said is that anyone who doesn’t use Veteran’s Day as a chance to shit all over cops and soldiers is “intellectually shallow”. AKA you are a really, really dumb redneck from West Virginia that yells “support the troops” whenever you have nothing else to say.


The article goes on and on, and basically says the same thing over and over again. Here’s some more pieces that illustrate what a slug rake this moron is:

According to the Pentagon, 38 men are sexually assaulted every single day in the U.S. military. Given that rape and sexual assault are, traditionally, the most underreported crimes, the horrific statistics likely fail to capture the reality of the sexual dungeon that has become the United States military.

So let me get something straight. This Nancy boy believes the US military is a “sexual dungeon.” He’s obviously thought this for quite some time. And of course fucking OF COURSE he waits until Veteran’s Day to put in Salon Magazine. Yea, it takes a special kind of asshole to do that. Apparently 38 men are sexually assaulted every single day in the military. That’s a lot of man rape!! Funny, because at no point in this guy’s never ending source of statistics does he ever link to a single article or study that can confirm any of this horse poo.

Keith Gentry, a former Navy man, wrote that when he and his division were bored they preferred passing the time with the “entertainment” of YouTube videos capturing air raids of Iraq and Afghanistan, often making jokes and mocking the victims of American violence.

Oh no!!! Armed serviceman enjoying watching terrorists get killed? Those poor, poor terrorists victims of American violence!!! Those nice Taliban and ISIS freedom fighters were just minding their own business, raping women and plotting some more fun suicide bombings missions, when all of a sudden big bad America came in and ruined the party!! Something tells me that on September 11th while we’re all commemorating the thousands of innocents who were killed, this guy is sitting at home lighting candles for Mohammed Atta.


Improving and universalizing high quality healthcare for all Americans, including veterans, is a much better and truer way to honor the risks soldiers and Marines accept on orders than unofficially imposing a juvenile and dictatorial rule over speech in which anything less than absolute and awed adulation for all things military is treasonous.

Hey idiot, do you realize how imprudent (two can play the thesaurus game) you sound? Let me get this straight. America has imposed a “dictatorial rule over speech in which anything less than absolute and awed adulation for all things military is treasonous.” Yet, here you are, with your Waylon Jennings nostalgia, shitting all over the American military and you’re not being arrested for treason. If America is such a dictatorial place where free speech gets you arrested for treason, then how are you still walking the streets? Oh wait, you mean you’re just pulling shit directly out of your ass in an attempt to prove how learned you are? Gotcha.

Physical strength and courage is only useful and laudable when invested in a cause that is noble and moral. The causes of American foreign policy, especially at the present, rarely qualify for either compliment.

Do I think we should be fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq? Nope. But do I think that what American soldiers are doing over there is noble? Abso-fucking-lutely. Newsflash – the Taliban hates women. They view them as pieces of property without functioning brains. Oh yea, and ISIS kills you if you don’t believe that a pedophile named Muhammad is the one true God. One of the reasons American soldiers are there is to bring stability to the most fucked up part of the earth, so that women and infidels can live their lives in relative peace.


Now obviously fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan was a bad idea. I’m opposed to those wars in the Middle East because I’m a Ron Paul foreign policy guy. That part of the world is centuries behind us and tons of people there would be considered insane by Western standards. We don’t have the ability to build a democracy there, and nation building is not why the United States of America was created. It’s unfortunate for the nice, normal people that have to live amongst these savages, but we can’t save everyone. Nevertheless, if you don’t think that what American soldiers are doing there is “noble” then you should try moving there and starting your own newspaper. I’m sure the Taliban will make sure your free speech rights are protected at all costs.

The last time the U.S. military deployed to fight for the protection of American life was in World War II – an inconvenient fact that reduces clichés about “thanking a soldier” for free speech to rubble.

I love the dolts who think this way. “The cops don’t protect me, and the military doesn’t defend my freedom because they’re not killing Nazis and kamikaze pilots anymore.” Newsflash – the mere fact that the military and police exist at all ensures your free speech rights and keeps your head from being chopped off if you don’t bow towards Mecca five times a day. You know why no one with the military capability of the Nazis and the imperial Japanese have attacked us since the 1940’s? Because they can’t. Our military is too prepared and organized. You know why I come home every day and my house and personal property is still there? Because the police EXIST, and criminals know that and don’t wanna get arrested.

That’s why on September 11th these fuck bois had to use American made planes, fly on American owned airlines, dress like American citizens, take aviation lesson from American instructors, and pay for their first class tickets with American money. Because their shitty countries don’t have the infrastructure to attack the greatest country on earth, so they have to use our stuff against us. It’s because our military exists, and brave men and women voluntarily enlist in it, that the only option for terrorists who want to attack us are suicide missions that ultimately have no strategic value and only result in casualties of innocent civilians.


Wars that are not heroic have no real heroes, except for the people who oppose those wars.

AKA, David Maciotra is a Goddamn American hero because he writes for Salon.com.

If all troops are heroes, it doesn’t make much sense to call their mission unnecessary and unjust. It also makes conversations about the sexual assault epidemic, or the killing of innocent civilians, impossible. If all troops are heroes, it doesn’t make any sense to acknowledge that some are rapists and sadists.

Yea dude, you already said that. No one said rapists in the military are heroes. They’re scumbags. No one is trying to turn all soldiers into heroes. We’re just taking a day to thank for them for doing a job that most of us don’t have the minerals to do. You think I’m signing up to go fight for freedom in Afghanistan? LOL. Yea, I’ll get right on that.

The bottom line is that I am merely thanking veterans for making such a big sacrifice in their personal lives. For putting their families on hold. For going months upon months without seeing their children. For signing up to defend and help people they’ve never met, and whose language and culture they are unfamiliar with. I’m just taking a day to thank them. God forbid!! What a mindless Jingomaniac I am.

Americans, especially those who oppose war, should do everything they can to discourage young, poor and working-class men and women from joining the military.

Dude, just come out and say it already. Your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with a marine. Couldn’t be more obvious.

But yea, it must be nice to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Because only a white trash, poor, blue collar American would be dumb enough to join the military. We need elitist intellectuals like this fuck boi to protect these people from an organization that will pay for them to go to college, instill discipline and structure in their lives, and ensure them financial stability for the rest of their lives. That sounds terrible!! Thank God we have beatniks like David here to save them from themselves. I mean, look at the destruction it’s done to the lives of dumbasses like George Washington, Dwight Eisenhower, and John F. Kennedy.


Now I had never heard of this clown show or Salon Magazine before this story came out, so I did a little research on them. Here’s David Masciotra’s Twitter:


Holy cow, 39 followers!!! This guy’s a Goddamn media mogul!! While I was writing this he actually deleted his Twitter account, so I didn’t get a chance for more screen shots. Although we did get this one:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.57.09 AM

Thank God he wrote that. Lest we forget that it is actually David Masciotra that is the true American hero on Veteran’s Day. After all, he “thinks independently.” It doesn’t get much more heroic than someone who spends all day thinking about shit.

Turns out this is the second time today he’s deactivated his account. Because apparently he thought we were gonna hand him the Pulitzer Prize for this gem of an article. Ya see, you can think independently all you want, as long as you agree with David and send him nice messages of support and sunshine. If you don’t then you’re cyberbullying him. I’ll bet you any amount of money his next article involves him talking about what a hero is for having to stand up to the meanies on the Internet.

Not surprisingly though he retweeted every tweet from someone who was promoting his nonsense:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.10.53 AMScreen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.10.41 AMScreen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.07.54 AM

Because you’re only allowed to say nice things about him, not mean things.

And like I said, I had never heard of Salon Magazine before. Let’s look at some of the other stuff they’ve put out…

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 9.24.29 AM

Oh gotcha. So on top of publishing articles that shit on veterans on Veteran’s Day, they also like to print thoughtful articles about the bliss of infidelity.

Once again, Turtleboy Sports is neither conservative nor liberal. David Masciotra is a liberal, particularly when it comes to foreign policy. So am I. But this guy gives liberal people everywhere a bad name. You can be anti-war and not be a giant asshole about it. You can oppose American intervention in the Middle East without telling people not to thank the troops because they’re a bunch of man-raping, child killing savages. This guy put it best:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 11.15.15 AM

Anyway, thanks again to the Veteran’s. Most of us appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made, and many of us appreciate the fact that we didn’t have to sit behind a school bus on our way home from work today. And it’s all because of you!! God bless you America!!

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8 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    November 12, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    I love how they immediately toss Bradley Manning out there as an example of a hero. No, he’s a fucking traitor who should have been summarily executed instead of going to jail so the taxpayers can pay for his sex change.

    Fuck… is there anyone with the last name Manning who isn’t a total fucking shitbag?

  • November 12, 2014 at 8:52 am

    My family consisting of both men & woman. Have been military. All major wars. Soldiers to field nurses. And i so resent idiot’s with a pen. You moron spout your crap in smaller countrysides. You’d be beheaded or shot on the spot. But in America your rights are protected by democracy and blood of woman an men on the battlefield. You sir our on to many drugs and need too rise above your pot. Shame on you
    I will never listen to nickelback again!!

  • Marnie Raymond
    November 11, 2014 at 10:54 pm

    I want to thank David Masciotra for showing how removed from reality the liberal “media” are. Only one of superior intelligence could possibly be able to define “hero” with no actual real world experience. He sits safely in an office, cubicle, or his bedroom and lives in a world defined by unrealistic concepts with no actual experience.
    His point of reference has to be defined by unexplored concepts that are defined by his computer or the classroom, or perhaps his entree into a fashionable salon…
    Men and women in our military–of all color and creeds–actually live in a world that is almost too terrifying to be believed. They see war, injustice, infamy, disease, and they live in primitive countries to defend Masciotra’s right to decry their bravery.
    One has to wonder what noble reason allows them to continue. Masciotra’s tirade against these brave young people, as well as those who came before them and donned a uniform, is reminiscent of what our poor airmen, soldiers, sailors, Coast Guard, and Marines had to endure while they were serving us so nobly with no recognition during the Vietnam Nam war. It is ironic how easy it is to offer mere observations while ensconced in one’s cushy office.

  • pdotcables
    November 11, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    America is a republic, not a democracy.

  • Frogshit
    November 11, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    Real Americans take this shit with a grain of salt… If that little fucker was under a terrorist attack, in his pristine little fucking world, we’d hear him crying from miles away for the American Soldier to come to his aid. Obviously nobody reads his crap (or listens to that Nickleback shit) so what better way to thrust himself into the spotlight. I guess, sadly, we’re actually paying attention to him. Fuck him…

  • teresa
    November 11, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Grrr.. this guy is a friggin idiot! My 24 yr old who served his country,did a tour in Afghanistan is DEFINATELY MY HERO!

  • TurtleEgg
    November 11, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    While some people in the military are heroes, not all are heroic.

    Although it is a minority, there are people in the armed forces who feel entitled to being treated like a hero when they’re in the reserves and/or are just god awful people.

    This is why I do not like associating EVERYONE who is in the armed forces as heroic… it gives the people who don’t deserve being called one undeserved satisfaction.

    I have the utmost respect for anyone who is honorable with their service and consider them heroes.

    • TurtleEgg
      November 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      And to continue that, David Masiewjfiowe is a nitwit who probably lives in a shed

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