San Francisco Woman Is Mapping Her Runs In The Shape Of Penises Because Adults Are Just Children With Jobs

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If you’ve never seen the movie Superbad then you’re probably not a very fun person to be around. But if you have, then you know that Jonah Hill’s character had an obsession with drawing penises as a child. Well, apparently he’s met his match with a woman from San Francisco named Claire Wyckoff. This woman runs uses her Nike+ watch to run patterns in the shape of penises. She does a variety too, including short fat ones:


“non-Jewish” ones


harry ones


and even the baby makers


It might say 4.94, but we think she might be being modest. Either way those look like some hard runs for sure.

She’s more than just a one trick pony though. She does the universal symbol of go fuck yourself:


Amish women


And of course strippers


This just proves my theory that everything we learned as kids was bullshit. I grew up thinking adults that weren’t on TV were these lame people who didn’t think funny things were very funny at all. The fact that an obviously very smart and creative woman who can afford to live in the most expensive part of the country is doing this with her free time validates the theory that adults are just children with responsibilities. Except now we can openly laugh and joke about all the things we had to whisper about in 8th grade.

So if you’re a single guy I highly suggest you get in contact with this woman. This is what we call “wifey” material. She runs a lot through those San Francisco hills, so you know she’s in good shape. Plus you know she’s got good American values because her mind is on all the right things a good lady should be thinking about. Like cooking, and sewing. Claire Wyckoff, we salute you. Next time you come to Worcester feel free to come on down to City Hall plaza and ride my magical turtle.

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3 Comment(s)
  • August 19, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Reblogged this on Mishells ツ and commented:
    This is great! Spot on!

  • SUL
    August 7, 2014 at 8:58 am

    Her name is seriously Wack Off?

  • Wabbitt
    August 7, 2014 at 4:11 am

    I don’t think Mrs. Turtleboy will appreciate you extending such an invitation.

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