Sports

Sandra Bullock’s Character (Leigh Ann Tuohy) From “The Blind Side” Has Beef With Turtleboy Because I Don’t Care If Ole Miss Kids Say The “F” Word

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If you’ve ever seen The Blind Side, then you know that Sandra Bullock spends her free time adopting gigantic black boys that are destined to play for her alma-mater, go pro, and and make a shitload of money off of it. I’m just kidding she’s just an actress. But the woman she plays in real life actually did do all those things. Her name is Leigh Ann Tuohy, and she adopted the real Michael Oher. 

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I thought that movie was shit. I thought the bad guys won. She BLATANTLY adopted a kid, not because it was the right thing to do, but because he could play football and he’d play where they told him to play – at the University of Mississippi. Because here’s a fact – Ole Miss sucks. They are the little bitch of the SEC. They have no realistic shot of winning every single year.

Here’s another fact – Michael Oher could’ve played at any school he wanted to. But he coincidentally chose Ole Miss. The crap-happy school his brand new parents just happened to boosters for. Oh yea, and his new daddy played football there and his southern belle mommy was a cheerleader there.

Michael Oher

When Oher’s character gets investigated by the NCAA for this obvious recruiting violation I wanted so badly for them to get busted. But they didn’t. So the bad guys won.

Anyway, now that she’s famous, the real Leigh Ann Tuohy thinks she’s Queen of Dixie. First of all, I can’t stand the south. Nothing good ever comes from there except for football players and soldiers. Other than that they’re completely useless. Waving around their flags of treason and commemorating an imaginary country (the “confederacy”) that only really existed in their imaginations, is proof that evolution hasn’t crossed under the Mason-Dixon line. Not coincidentally Ole Miss are the “Rebels,” and thus are the face of this delusional thinking of white trash, NASCAR loving losers.

But southern women in particular just aggravate me. It seems like they’re always trying to act sophisticated and proper, when in reality they’re living in a part of the country that is basically Africa with more white people and lower achieving students. Yet people like Leigh Ann Tuohy think they’re royalty. And the worst part about people like her are they’re always hiding behind God. Look, Turtleboy believes in God, but I just don’t get my rocks off by going around quoting him all the time. Because I’m not a fraud. Meanwhile my girl Leigh Ann will be the first person to tell you that everything she did for Michael Oher was divinely sanctioned and had NOTHING at all to do with the fact that he ended up playing for Ole Miss.

Right.

Anyway Ole Miss won their first football game that mattered in a million years yesterday when they defeated #3 Alabama, 23-17. As you can imagine the student body went absolutely apeshit and rightfully so. Mississippi and Alabama might as well be Bosnia and Herzegovina. Most people can’t pick them out on a map, they’re poor as shit, and there’s always a civil war going on there. All these two states have is football. And one of them is good at it (Bama) and the other one isn’t (Ole Miss).

So it was understandable then that after the win the kids in Oxford MS tore down the goal post:

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Left the stadium with it and marched that shit through the Grove:

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carried it over a cop car:

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brought it to downtown:

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marched it through late night traffic:

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brought it to some nudnik’s apartment:

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and then cut it to pieces and gave part of it to the AD per his request:

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The red dotted line indicates the path the goal post took last night (courtesy of SBNation):

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Now most normal football fans would look at this momentous orgasmic victory for the Rebels and say, “go nuts.” You might not beat them for 20 more years because you’re Ole Miss. But that’s not the case for southern gentility like Leigh Ann Tuohy. Sure she was happy that her alma mater won, but there was something she just couldn’t deal with – the foul language!!!

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Oh shut the fuck up already. If Leigh Ann went to ANY UMass basketball game she might have an aneurism when she finds out our official chant is “Fuck em up, fuck em up, go UMass.”

I shit you not, I have seen parents doing that chant with their eight year old kids. And it was glorious.

God forbid drunk college students say the “f” word. I mean, what would Jesus do? He would probably go on Twitter and try to ruin a perfectly good victory celebration according to Leigh Ann. Newsflash Ole Miss students – nothing you did last night was embarrassing. As a matter of fact, it gave me new hope for the south. I’ve seen goal posts come down many a time before, but never have I ever seen them paraded through town and brought into some frat boy’s off campus apartment. From a UMass graduate, I have to say that even I am thoroughly impressed. We usually just burn shit. Well played, Ole Miss, well played indeed.

Anyway I like Twitter because you can just can directly communicate with literally anyone. Chances are if they have 65,000 followers like my girl Leigh Ann does, then I’m not gonna hear back from them. So I told her the one thing that came to my mind when I read her stupid tweet:

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Oh snap!! Shit just got real up in this piece!! First of all, I’ve completely given up on the whole “your”, “you’re” thing. People just will never get it, so I’m done trying. Sure this genius pretends to be a highly educated dixie daisy. But the fact of the matter is she’s from the south. Learning the difference between “your” and you’re” isn’t taught in Mississippi until you get your Master’s degree.

Anyway, you see her attitude there? “You think you’re man enough to make me….Try!” There is NOTHING more southern than that. “Hey Lincoln, you don’t want me to have these slaves? Come down here and make me.” This is what the south has ALWAYS done. Tempt northerners into kicking their ass. Newsflash – we always end up winning. Always. We don’t wanna fight you people though because we don’t have to resort to fisticuffs. It’s called shit talking. It can end there.

Secondly, is there any more of a fraud than this woman? Ladies like this think they’re badasses because Demi Moore made it through boot camp in GI Jane. Newsflash – I would never, ever, ever hit you. Because you’re a woman and that’s a completely unfair fight. You know that. I know that. So please, spare me the theatrics. We’re all really impressed by your hard ass southern demeanor and independence. You go girl!!!

No one’s fooled though Leigh Ann. Well, maybe except for idiots like this who think you’re Helen of Troy:

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Hey Shannon, you look like something out of a bad 80’s movie and your Twitter handle says “soccer mom” in it.

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No one gives a shit what you think.

Then there’s dingleberries like this:

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Newsflash Paula Morris – you have 135 follower on Twitter and I was never one on them. There isn’t a move in the history of moves that carries less significance than your act of defiance against Turtleboy Sports. But please, don’t block me!!!! Oh yea, and the Titans (Leigh Ann’s favorite team) were winning 28-3 when she wrote this tweet. They ended up losing 29-28 to the BROWNS!!! The Browns!!!! Emasculating.

But hey, Paula is basically as American as you can get. She even likes shooting guns, and of course Jesus:

Screen Shot 2014-10-05 at 4.48.38 PMMurica. Shoot that imaginary bad man, girl!!

Anyway, I’m done with the lady. Add her to the list of morons who can’t handle the truth and have become official enemies of Turtleboy Sports. Plenty more where that came from.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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9 Comment(s)
  • October 7, 2014 at 9:23 am

    That “fuck em up, fuck em up” ruins a great in game song.

  • Jan L
    October 6, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    I hated the movie so much, I could only watch about a half hour of it. I’m not a huge fan of those “feel good” movies anyway. That being said, I would have to agree about the morons down south. I love reading your commentary on just about anything.

  • October 6, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Thanks for reminding me how much I hated “The Blind Side.” That movie pissed me off more than paper cuts and flat beer combined. As the only black guy in that theater, I’m watching a bunch of “feel-good” white dumb-asses getting all weepy over that shit, meanwhile all I’m seeing IS YET ANOTHER tale of how black people can’t do a goddamn thing unless rich, white libtards make it happen. Too bad Gary Coleman is dead, he could tell you all about this shit.

  • Joey G
    October 6, 2014 at 7:36 am

    And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle so that man could fight the dinosaurs… and the homo sexuals

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    October 5, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    Oh my Lord! A bunch of college kids are dropping F bombs! Call out the National Guard!

    Seriously, if she didn’t have a book written about the kid she adopted, not a single person would give a shit what she has to say about anything. Oooh she’s a rich, white woman who adopted a black kid? That just makes her a redneck Angelina Jolie.

  • Finnish goalie
    October 5, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    C’mon now. Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe…..oh, Virginians. Never mind.

  • October 5, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    LOL
    I’ve completely given up on the whole “your”, “you’re” thing. People just will never get it, so I’m done trying. Sure this genius pretends to be a highly educated dixie daisy. But the fact of the matter is she’s from the south. Learning the difference between “your” and you’re” isn’t taught in Mississippi until you get your Master’s degree.
    yep

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      October 5, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      That gave me a chuckle.

  • GrandWizard Ultra Dragon King of the South
    October 5, 2014 at 8:50 pm

    At what point did people forget to tell this woman “No one cares” I think everyone learns this at a fairly young age. When you are talking about something or expressing your opinion that no one gives a fuck about they typically tell you, she probably didnt have many good friends.

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