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It was over from the moment the team introductions began. The Patriots came out with American flags and American heroes.
The Seahawks came out to the song they played in Cruel Intentions when Sara Michelle Geller got busted with a crucifix full of cocaine:
Ever since the New England Patriots beat the Cincinnati Bengals in week 5 I knew this was going to happen. Never doubted this team for a second. We didn’t win the Super Bowl because Pete Carroll pulled the biggest boner in NFL history by not giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the one yard line. We won the Super Bowl again because we are God’s chosen people and our football team is better than everyone else’s. Instead of everyone giving us credit all I’m hearing is about how Pete Carroll lost it for Seattle. They’ll never give us credit, which makes this all the more so special. Newslflash – Bill Belichick would never do what Pete Carroll did there. That’s the reason why the Patriots are a better team than the Seahawks. They’re coached by a legend and the Seahawks are coached by a cheerleader.
The Patriots meticulously did whatever they wanted to do whenever they wanted to do it last night. The only reason that game was even a game is because Tom Brady threw the worst pass of his life that ended up as an INT in the first quarter, and the fact that Jermaine Kearse got insanely lucky. Against what was supposedly the greatest defense since the 85′ Bears TB12 went out there and completed 37 of 50 passes for 328 yards. In the fourth quarter he went 13-15 with two touchdowns. That is nothing less than legendary. He is the greatest ever now and there can be no debate.
When it all happened I was in a state of shock. I wished I could’ve documented the moment better but it all just happened so fast. The only thing better than the feeling of joy I got from watching the Patriots officially become the greatest dynasty in NFL history is the fact that we can shove it in everyone’s face for eternity. For the last two weeks the entire nation outside of New England has been conspiring to stop this from happening by trying to distract us with all this “Deflategate” nonsense. But it didn’t work. There was no way a fake team from a fake city like the Seahawks was going to deny us of what was ours. That’s why this compilation video of Patriots and Seahawks fans reacting to the Malcolm Butler interception is so special:
I could watch these losers have their hearts broken all day long. As a matter of fact I think I’ll do just that. Here are some of my favorites:
Then there was the very instant when these idiots realized that they were rooting for a clown franchise that had just lost another Super Bowl:
and the reaction:
Then there was this schlepp who for whatever reason was watching the Super Bowl by himself while his Mom taped it. Here he is when the ball is snapped:
And here he is after:
The look of pure devastation is the greatest thing these eyes have ever seen.
The Patriots fan of the day was this guy:
who literally body slammed his kid
and then started choking him like a mad man
That right there is a New England love choke.
We asked people to send us pictures of their loved ones riding a turtle in celebration. We do however understand that many people don’t have a turtle
but we got a couple awesome pics anyway:
Oh yea, even in New York they know who America’s team is.
— Empire State Bldg (@EmpireStateBldg) February 2, 2015
As awesome as it was to watch Seahawks bandwagon fans have their dreams crushed, it still doesn’t compare to the greatest video of heartbreak in the history of fandom. That honor belongs to the Toronto Maple Leafs fans who taped themselves watching the Bruins historic third period comeback from a 4-1 deficit in Game 7 of the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs:
There’s also been a shitload of really amazing memes that have come out in the last 24 hours. I figured they deserved their own blog though. Coming up next, Top 10 Seahawks-Patriots Super Bowl memes.
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