Sgt. Sausage posted a video yesterday on Facebook attempting to defend himself after being featured on Turtleboy for feeding drugged out minors booze before getting them naked in hotel rooms and posting their pictures on Instagram. (Click here to see some of his finest work.) Normally a video like this is supposed to rebut things that were posted about a person in order to clear their name, but Big Black Jeffrey’s 21 minute rant ended up doing the exact opposite, so I broke it down on last night’s live show because it’s absolutely hilarious. Reminder to subscribe to our YouTube channel by clicking here so you always get the content first and never miss an episode every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday at 9 PM EST.
Just to review some of the highlights:
- This 25 year old man’s best friend is a 17 year old girl, so it’s OK that he featured her almost completely naked holding bottles of Henny in hotel rooms
- He thinks detectives are working with him to have me arrested, when in fact he’s the one under investigation
- He says it was OK to give alcohol to minors if their parents consent
- He said he never gets drunk with minors, except with 1-2 minors but that’s OK because everyone does that at family gatherings
- He said that the children’s parents and grandparents were in the hotel rooms off camera when he took those pictures
- He said that he could turn me into a sexual predator but chose to be the bigger person, disregarding the fact that there are pictures of him being a sexual predator whereas there are none of me
- He said he’s not trans or a drag queen, he just dresses up as a female prostitute
- He says parents of underage teens he met at the Big E dropped him off at his hotel room so they could order pizza
- For absolutely no reason he disclosed a story (at the 9:15 mark of the video) we didn’t report on about that one time he got blackout drunk with a chick and posted a video of himself eating box on various social media platforms, which he only found out that he did the next day when his roommate alerted him to it. Line of the night:
“She was shitfaced, I was drunk, and I posted a video without even realizing what I did of me licking her vagina. Which was, we did have sexual consent, whatever. And I posted it on Instagram and Snapchat and whatever media I had 4 years ago. And I remember, I didn’t realize because I woke up super hungover in the afternoon, and the next thing you know I had a roommate say to me Jeffrey what did you do, my mother is seeing this. And I think it had 6,000 views and I couldn’t even remove it, and people were sharing things that I didn’t even have access to.”
Don’t you hate when you get blackout drunk and live stream yourself eating box on IG? Been there before.
- He’s moving to NYC to be famous
- He’s an icon for young children to be themselves
- At the 15:30 mark he explained why he posted a picture of himself naked in what appears to be some sort of lake or pond, with the caption “drowning in sex.”
“God forbid I hop in a lake naked and, know what I mean, strip, 5-6 years ago, and with a bottle of alcohol and I post it and I cover up my body parts, because, know what I mean, I’m young wild, careless and free.”
It happens. Sometimes you have a friend take a picture of you full frontal in public so you can post it to the Gram. He covered his body parts with emojis while taking the picture too. Because emojis are a thing that exists in real life.
Sgt Sausage also has a YouTube channel we discovered that features him doing totally normal things with what appears to be teen girls.
I took some crap for saying this last night, but I don’t think there’s such thing as bisexual. Either you prefer dudes or chicks. There isn’t a single person in the world who goes out at night and asks themselves, “Do I want a chick or a dude tonight? Let’s flip a coin.” Everyone has a preference. Yes, there are girls who will hook up with another chick, but that’s just bait to get thirsty dudes. Their ultimate goal is to acquire dudes, or please the dude they already have by giving them a reason to stick around. Dudes like Jeffrey are gay, but they’ll grab some titty to get attention. They don’t actually enjoy it like they do banging dudes.
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