Current events

Shirley Good Samaritan Who Created Chaos By Offering Random Female Jogger Water Has To Learn To Not Be Such A Sketchball

Like The Lost Boys Of Turtle Facebook Page To Follow Our Posts While Our Main Page Is Suspended

Like The Lost Boys Of Turtle Facebook Page To Follow Our Posts While Our Main Page Is Suspended

Join the Revolution and Like Turtleboy Sports on Facebook, and/or follow us on Twitter.

Want to have your business advert viewed over 2 million times per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.





Turtlegram: A day after a jogger told police she was approached by a suspicious man in a van, prompting a public alert by police, authorities now say the driver of the vehicle was making a well-intended offer of water.

Police Chief Thomas Goulden detailed the mixup in a statement released Thursday morning: “The investigation confirms that the operator did make contact with the jogger and did offer her a bottle of water because she appeared to be dehydrated from running on a warm day. The operator did not know that he had caused fear in the female jogger and was very apologetic that this act of kindness turned into a news story. I met with both the operator and the jogger this morning and this case has been resolved to both parties liking.”

On Wednesday, police said a woman who lives on Brown Road told investigators Tuesday morning that a man driving a large green van drove up to her while she was running on Hazen Road.

A post on Facebook claiming to be from the woman described the encounter as occurring around 9:30 a.m., with the driver of the windowless cargo van pulling so close she had to jump into a ditch covered with poison ivy at the side of the road to avoid being hit. The woman wrote that the driver, a man who appeared to be 55 to 60 years old and who was wearing large glasses and a baseball hat, offered her some water. She said she could see the knee and elbow of another person sitting in the second row of the van.

The woman wrote that the driver continued to talk to her, but she ran away fast. Upon investigation, police located the van driver and confirmed he meant no harm.

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 12.15.22 PM



So we were gonna write about this yesterday but never got around to it. The whole thing sounded weird. At first it sounded like the driver slowed down and approached her because he thought he hit her. I know if I was driving along and some jogger had to jump out of the way and into a poison ivy ditch the first thing I’d do is stop and make sure she’s OK.

But the good samaritan who did this has to learn how to not be a sketchball in 2016. Were his intentions good? Sure. But who the hell offers some random jogger water? It wasn’t THAT hot yesterday. Plus, the woman says she was only five minutes into her run, so how dehydrated could she possibly look?

It sucks that we live in a world like this, but it’s up to you to recognize that it is in fact that the world you’re living in. It’s been almost a month now since Vanessa Marcotte was killed and it’s absolutely insane that they haven’t found the killer yet. Word is that the DNA tests came back negative. They have their suspicions, but if they thought they had a suspect then we would know by now.

So knowing that there is some random guy out there going around raping and murdering female joggers on their own, you can’t just pull up next to some strange woman in a van and offer her water. Especially when you’re in a town that houses the most dangerous killers in Massachusetts, including Aaron Hernandez. Can’t do it. Doesn’t matter how good your intentions are. Plus, runners don’t wanna be bothered when they’re running. They just wanna be left alone so they can try not to be fat. If some good samaritan came up to me when I was jogging and offered me water I’d assume that “he who shall not be named from Fitchburg” was in the backseat, so I’d tell them to fuck off and go away. If I was thirsty I would’ve brought a dollar with him and stopped at the 7-11. Runners don’t need good samaritans to offer them free stuff during their runs. Lesson learned.


We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2016-04-30 at 11.15.26 PM

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM


Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Wormtown Brewery, Union TavernBennie’s Cafe,  JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban BarbecueSmitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors,  The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno, Rotti Power Equipment in West Boylston

Want to have your business advert viewed over 2 million times per month? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

27 Comment(s)
  • Kerry
    September 2, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    On theDiscussing Fitchburg Now Facebook page this guy has a totally different take on this story

    Andrew Constant
    21 hrs
    Moral of the story for the last 2 days, don’t go out of your way to be nice to strangers, even if it’s within your morals. Ignore what your good heart and mind desires and become an asshole to strangers. Jump to conclusions and label people because of what they drive. Call the cops when someone asks you a question so you can falsely accuse them. Sounds about right to me. Now pardon me while I go purchase my bubble, so I can hop on this new, hip, train.

    • Some guy
      September 4, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      this dude has never been to Shirley.

      It’s an odd mix of methed-out “townies”, and the yuppies who’ve built $500K+ houses in the last 10-15 years.

      You actually CAN judge people by what they drive in Shirley.

  • Pennsrant
    September 2, 2016 at 9:15 am

    Paranoia has kept me alive so far…

  • Reddog
    September 1, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    Cause there’s a red,under my bed,,,,,and thers’s a little yellow man in my head,,,,,,

  • Arguing with Idiots
    September 1, 2016 at 2:45 pm

    Paranoia the destroyer indeed.

    This is why no one does nice things for anyone anymore. I witnessed a similar incident about a month ago. It was trash day and the recycling truck came down my street to pick up the papers and plastic bins. Another vehicle came down the street (one way street) and had to wait behind the trash truck while they emptied the neighbors’ bins. While the trash guy was emptying trash, an older lady came out of her house in an attempt to give the trash guy some last minute items to throw away. The trash guy apparently didn’t see her and proceeded to drive down the street to collect the trash down there. The driver of the car that was waiting behind the trash truck witnessed this and offered to take the trash from the old lady and give it to the trash guy at the bottom of the street, to which she replied by yelling “NO!!”. The way she reacted was if he was demanding that she get in his car or something. Just another paranoid halfwit.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      September 1, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      You say she was an elderly woman? Elderly ladies say no to everything.

      Want a hug? No!
      Want some help with your bags? No!
      Want to live today? No!

      You get the point.

    • Jake from State Farm
      September 1, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      What this woman (the jogger did) was not paranoia …… it was smart & informative and helpful. Maybe this guy randomly stopping joggers to offer a drink was harmless, ……….. maybe not. We teach our children not leave drinks at a bar unattended because of very real proven situations of drugging & raping. Since it’s kinda of crazy to randomly stop to give a jogger a drink (like any fool would take it) …… but what if it were drugged and she passed out down the road somewhere and low & behold Mr Good samaritan is there to pick her up …… you know what happens next …… sure, just a hypothesis. Go ahead call me paranoid.

  • Screwdarcy
    September 1, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    was she running to the prison to visit a old boufriend?

    • Jake from State Farm
      September 1, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      Seriously, that’s your comment? …… boufriend? huh, …..another friggin moron

  • Sean
    September 1, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Are you people losers, the guy approached a female jogger she did right thing by reporting it and let’s not forget another young girl was murdered in Princeton,mass

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    September 1, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    If I was jogging and someone offered me water from a van with no windows, I would naturally assume they ran out of candy, and water was all they had to lure me in. If I spotted and elbow or knee in the 2nd row? I would definitely assume it’s a rape van. No thank you sir, I don’t want to test the chloroform theory.

    • Reddog
      September 1, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      What if there were no person in the second row,only a bag of golf clubs. Would that be enticing?

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        September 1, 2016 at 1:57 pm

        Are you kidding? That’s every woman’s dream. Who doesn’t want to be kidnapped by a gapped tooth chunky monkey from fitchburg.

        • Rosie perez
          September 1, 2016 at 10:08 pm

          Probably be your first and only date,then he would have to have some flour to roll you in. You now that one right. You seem to now all the insulting things to say. Got to go , have to get up and go to my real professional job in the morning

          • Nichole Fredette Marsden
            September 1, 2016 at 10:14 pm

            I like dates. I rarely get brought to dinner though, I’m used and abused. After my husband Greg and I seperated, I haven’t been able to stop fucking!!

            It feels sooooo good to finally experience long strokes by a big meaty cock!! So good I bite pillows during sex now. With my ex husband Greg, I posted about selling nail polish on Facebook during sex…. ZzzzZzzzzzZzz hehehhehehehe it was so boring!

          • Jake from State Farm
            September 2, 2016 at 12:43 pm

            You have a professional job and you don’t know the difference between “know” & “now” ?

    • Turd Burglestein
      September 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      Excuse me young lady. Can you help me find my lost puppy? I think he ran into this cheap motel room over there.

      • ProfessorM
        September 1, 2016 at 1:39 pm

        You might’ve actually gotten her on the puppies. If I know her, she’d go all glassy eyed… If you had an old cassette player in the back with a yapping sound, she wouldn’t even know what hit her.

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          September 1, 2016 at 1:58 pm

          She’s right Turd. A doggy would lure me in and I would end up dead….lol

          • Reddog
            September 1, 2016 at 10:48 pm

            Woof woof

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            September 1, 2016 at 10:49 pm

            Nice try!! Lmao!

  • Mike
    September 1, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    She is just an attention whore. Look at me I almost got raped and killed because someone offered me a water when realistically nothing happened. No one tried to pull her in the van or whatever it was. The driver was charged with nothing so the part about him running her into the ditch is most likely BS as well.

    • Chip
      September 1, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      What do you mean? She just survived a harrowing attack! Lol I wish Aiden and his little buddies weren’t such pipsqueeks who couldn’t make real sports teams in highschool, so now I have to listen to annoying jogger stories. One jogger gets killed and now you all need a safe space. Booohoooo

      • J
        September 1, 2016 at 8:46 pm

        Its because of the fat fuck “real sports” athletes like you who get all beefed up for your high school glory days and then waste away to tubs of lard that our health insurance premiums are so high.
        You should be thankful that us runners will be around to inadvertently contribute to your triple bypass in 10 years.

        • Some guy
          September 4, 2016 at 1:09 pm

          But here in my small N. Central MA town (very close to Shirley, BTW), those are exactly the guys filling jobs at pizza places, convenience stores, and gas stations now.

          some even still wear their varsity jacket….unzipped, because they’re too fucking fat now.

    • Jake from State Farm
      September 1, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      Mike, your a friggin idiot. First of all Nobody randomly stops to offer a jogger water. And any moron knows only a fool would accept water from a complete stranger. This did indeed happen as the person that stopped admits that’s what he did. A family from Central Mass is devastated by the murder of their daughter and the killer has not been found. Nobody just stops to offer water to a stranger. Especially in a damn window less van. I don’t know what the true motive was, but this is suspect at best. By the way, who was the person sitting in the back seat? Why were they not in the front seat?? I commend this woman for coming forward and reporting this. She was smart enough not to get close enough to get pulled in.

      • True Reality Speaks
        Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies
        September 1, 2016 at 7:49 pm

        This story from the ‘jogger” sounded like BS from the get go. First thing I thought when I saw it on the news, especially since the woman they interviewed wasn’t involved – she was speaking for her “friend” – was this is someone looking for attention. Mike 1, Jake 0 on this one.

Comment on this Post


Insane Abuse Story Involving Dog The Bounty Hunter, MMA Psychopath “War Machine”, And Porn Star Christy Mack Is Better Than Any Reality TV Ever
Social Darwinism: Yet Another Example Of How Much Herd-Thinning We Need
The “Race Police” Are Running Out Of Stuff To “Bitch” About, So They Are Branching Out to Sexism