Whoever designed the Shoppes at Blackstone Valley can go ahead and burn in hell.
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Editor’s Note: We published this blog two years ago but we like to share it at Christmas time because the Millbury mall will always be a clusterfuck at Christmastime.
I’ve never been to hell, but I would imagine it’s something like the Shoppes at Blackstone Valley in Millbury during Christmas season. I hardly ever go to this God forsaken cesspool of traffic and consumerism, but around this time of year you kind of have no choice. Sure I could’ve been responsible and ordered everything online, but I was too busy writing blogs about the Big E. Anyway here’s why this place is so terrible….
First of all, there’s only one way in and one way out. Whoever came up with this plan should be put in shackles and chains for the entire month of December in the middle of this intersection:
After patiently waiting for your light to turn green you will get the chance to go. Then of course it will turn red right before you get to the light because the woman three cars up from you was busy posting her next meal to Instagram instead of driving.
Then you will approach one of many stops to come, as a stream of morons who just splurged at Michael’s exit with their bags full of crafts.
I don’t know who is on the receiving end of those Michael’s gifts, but whoever it is is gonna have a pretty crappy Christmas.
Well I just so happened to wanna go to the Paper Store and Barnes and Noble, which means after you pass the first checkpoint then you get to come across this one:
After ten minutes of sitting there you will be here:
That’s way closer!! Finally you will be directed to turn into this shit:
The parking lot in this place is just like a pack of rabid, starving vultures looking for an easy kill. Everywhere you look you will see cars just like yourself, driving around in circles looking to see those beautiful, glorious brake lights, indicating that someone is about to back out of a spot.
And right on cue you will almost always be the SECOND person to find one of these elderly zebras on the plains, which means your hunger for a parking spot will continue to be unfulfilled.
Like clockwork. Every time you see someone about to pull out of a spot you are almost guaranteed to see one of these scavengers waiting to pounce on the kill:
Another situation you’re likely to get into is the idiot who doesn’t realize that the person JUST parked in the spot that they think they’re getting. Because when you see the brake lights come on you naturally get all this Christmas joy in your pants. Like this guy in the black SUV. They think they’ve skoped out some secret spot and they’re just waiting out their kill.
But of course the person they’re waiting on isn’t going anywhere and this causes a giant cluster fuck. So you follow the leader through the lot hoping to see something they don’t. And OF COURSE these geniuses can’t figure out how to take a sharp turn, and OF COURSE this happens:
Now both parties have to go in reverse and Turtleboy is just trying not to have his head explode. All I wanted was some Christmas joy for Mrs. Turtleboy, but apparently this side of the mall isn’t happening. So I decided to go check out the bigger stores on the OTHER side of the mall, which of course led to more of this shit:
FML. I’m never gonna leave Millbury.
Finally I found a spot at the greatest store in the history of the world – Marshalls. Love that place. It’s the perfect store for scavengers that want name brand shit that they couldn’t sell for full price at Macy’s. After buying a bunch of crap for the people I love it was time to leave, which of course led to more of this:
I just want to scream at the people coming in, “Turn around and go home!! It’s not worth it.” After another ten minutes of waiting you get to laugh at the thousands of morons who are about to fight each other for spots:
and then of course you get to wait in line for another ten minutes for your chance to get the fuck out of there and never come back:
I’d say that I never will go back there ever again, but we all know that’s a lie.
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65 Comment(s)
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I can GUARAN-FREAKIN-TEE YOU that the mall got it’s permitting and okay for construction from the town by “promising” that the design will provide traffic details that the mall will pay for to have details for town cops. Why else would they have contructed a one way in and one way out design when there is an access road on the backside of the mall that exits right onto Rte 146 . . .
In short finding a parking space is difficult. Getting into and out of the complex is difficult. My response is this… available parking is what it is you can’t change that. However the drive in and out can be fix and most definitely should be. If a person needed medical help, there is a big bottleneck an ambulance will have to face. Here are two other ways out of the complex that are unused. One was closed off during the construction which would allow vehicles to exit onto Rt 146 south only. The other access is the very back corner to Millbury Middle school. A plan should be put into place to open up both of these points as exit only alternatives.
I will give it this, it’s the only GOOD place to go shopping aside from Lincoln/CountryClub Plaza (and for what it’s worth the Auburn Mall) that’s in or around Worcester.
* I disqualified White City for not having any major retail anchors since Spags and Bradlees closed up shop, and Northboro Crossing for simply being too damned far. (plus you have to take either the congested Route 20 or the dangerous Route 9 to get there)
Dearest turtle boy I feel your pain with that mall but feel my pain I got to drive thru Kelly square to work every day that is the worst cluster f$$$$ I have ever seen
I refuse to go up there, my car every year gets scratches and one time it was a hit and run! People are terrible. I refuse!
Ha. My girl and I parked up in that neighborhood up on the right going into that hell hole. We parked and scaled down thAt hill in 1′ of snow and no problem. It was awesome seeing everyone in that jam watching. Lol
The Millbury Mall replaced the Worcester Center Galleria, where no one wanted to pay $20 to park in the downtown garage. Now they’re building hotels that no one is going to sleep in! At least there’s free parking in Millbury.
The WRTA (Where R Those Assholes) should not have a bus stop there. It gives the welfare queens a way to get there from the projects.
No worse then trying to get out of Worcester ever day at the end of the work day. I suspect that the same Mensa Member who designed the traffic pattern up at Blackstone is responsible for fucking up the Highland Street/Lincoln Square traffic pattern. I dare you to try to drive Highland/Rt 9 towards Shrewsbury and see if you can get through at rush hour in less than 7 light cycles.
Driving up or down Belmont Street at night or early morning reminds me of a Escape from NY or Death Race 2000
Turtleboy shove a cock up your ass
That’s awesome!! Have you heard the one about eating a bag of dicks? Classic.
You’re so smart and edgy. I bet all the kids at school laugh and laugh when you use cool words like, chode, and grundle, and feltch.
How creative
Still going for your GED I see
Marshalls does not sell ” name brand shit that they couldn’t sell for full price at Macy’s”. Its made for Marshalls, TJ MAxx, etc. Those companies made them to sell exclusively at those discounts store. You’re not getting a deal, you’re paying full price!
I’ll tell you what , If you ever want to rob a bank I’d do it in Millbury. All the cops are at the plaza ” supposedly” directing traffic.
Turtleboy, what a sniveling little whiner you are. Hey, how about you just stay in Worcester and do your fucking shopping there? You know, put your money where your mouth is and support the local businesses in the city you supposedly champion. See, things are improving out in Millbury already.
Nice pictures of a parking lot lol.. great journalism
get a real job
A recycled story from year? What is this TB?? Although very accurate, pure geniuses whoever it was who designed and approved the single entrance.
Didn’t take long for someone to call fraud on turtleboy. Thanks Tina, that was my first thought. Barnes and Noble, Lincoln Plaza. The Paper Store, White City in Shrewsbury and several other locations. I can only imagine that if any of the stores at Blackstone advertised on Turtleboy sports this article would never see the light of day.
I was reading this blog thinking that I could have sworn I read this shit before. Until I looked at the comments and saw ones that I left back in 2014.
I learned my lesson a few years ago, when I thought I would make a quick stop to pick up a prescription at Target on the way to pick up the kid. I got in just fine, but on the way out, I had to go all the way down to the cliff where they dump the snow, just to even get in line to leave. My companion had time to run to Panera, get lunch and get back to the car before we were even past Kohl’s. It was a good 2 hours of gridlock. I think Will (up above) might have been in the same line.
This place is a traffic nightmare on any weekend, regardless if it’s a holiday season. I was there on a late Saturday afternoon back in September and it took about an hour just to get out of there. Whoever designed that place needs to have their engineering degree revoked and go back to school.
Not only did the fox lose his home, but many families. People were railroaded into believing that they had to give up homes to build “the new and improved” Rt 146. When in fact, it was already being eyeballed for a mall, not a highway. MA DOT and the powers that be in Millbury have very dirty hands in this one. A few years before the land grab another company had preliminary plans to build a mall, but were shot down by the Millbury board. Why? Who knows? Millbury said no way would they ever let a mall or a cell tower up on that land. Maybe the “incentive” was better from these developers. No pity for anyone who gets caught up in that disaster. You all wanted it, you got it. Everyone just had to have it up there. It was a godsend to the areas economy. (uh huh, yeah ok) The old saying, “Be careful what you wish for” rings true here.
Wait it took you a long time to park at a mall the week of Christmas? What a shocker you dumb f…
Come now, TB. Everyone knows you thrive on the chaos.
I will never forget before my dad passed away, he and I drove passed the construction of this mall … my dad told me a story about how he went by one day and saw a fox searching for what use to be his home amongst the construction. Every time I see this mall I think about the story of the fox who lost his home.
Worst mall design ever. It takes 10 minutes each way to get in on a REGULAR DAY. When you first get in there is a STOP SIGN at the movie theater entrance when no movie is playing. Then you realize you’re in the left lane when you don’t want to be. The setup of the stores is a joke. If you walk it you have to walk back by the same stores instead of being in a circle where you can visit other stores. Did I mention it was built on a hill and can be freezing on a cold winter day. That big brick wall looks nice from faraway though.
Hello Grinch,
Have you ever thought maybe you are one contributing to this traffic disaster. By taking 20 pointless pictures of every turn you make? Yet the person 3 cars ahead of you was too busy uploading their latest meal on instagram??? What makes you better? If you are going to complain why not talk about the Wrentham outlets or something more realistic than a strip mal. Seems to me like you may just be a miserable person venting about all the possibilities that could make you mad. (Don’t have to try very hard). Besides if you really needed to go out to the center on a day like that… what makes you more important than any one else shopping? Hope you have a wonderful holiday…
Your argument would make sense if he was at the front of the line holding up everyone else, but he’s in the middle of a non-moving clustering. If you can’t take a picture while moving at five miles per hour, then that’s your problem.
If this plaza had been built 50 years ago, you could almost forgive the designer for not anticipating what modern traffic would look like. But, the shoppes (thanks for the extra letters) are not old, yet still require traffic cops even on non holiday weekends. One way in, one way out is crazy – how was that approved by the town… Or state? So… I never go on holiday weekends… Thank you Amazon Prime.
Amazon Prime…best innovation ever!
Looks like Mr. Green had a lot to do with it.
I just said the same thing this morning. Who freaking approved this should be fired! One way in and one way out with ALL those stores is outrageous.
JMO but I guess this was designed and approved by men. Women have a tendency to plan ahead and usually have a backup plan.
Hoestly, if you were expecting anything less out of a mall plaza during the week of christmas, you’re fucking stupid. I don’t know why you bother dragging yourself to these events and places if all you’re going to do is bitch about the presence and ignorance of other people.
If you go to blackstone, knowing (reasonably) that it’s going to be busy, then don’t be frustrated when retail is busy the week of christmas. Same goes for events like the Big E. It’s like you’re a masochist for crowded places so you can complain about it.
Come on dude. Are you seriously that thick? This is called satire. It’s funny for the sake of being funny. Chill the fuck out bruh!
> if you were expecting anything less out of a mall plaza during the week of christmas, you’re fucking stupid.
You make a good point, but here’s the exception: the Shoppes are an abomination even on weekday mornings in July. It’s *always* bad there, Xmas is just barely worse than the other 50 weeks in the year.
I work in that plaza at Verizon.
Takes me more time to get in and find a spot “which is closer to tgi Friday’s on the opposite end then Verizon ” then it does to drive there on any given day.
Looking forward to the continued hell of all the returns and giftcards for the next few weeks.
I have never had an issue with traffic at the Millbury Mall. Plan your trip always to the right. Who are those people who go left anyway? Always stop at Feng for a Mai Tai and you’re all set.
I never go there on the weekend and NEVER go in December. Most of the same stores are either in westboro or northboro. Whoever designed it are complete morons!!
Or Leominster. I haven’t been to these “shoppes” in about 5 years. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
if you live in town there’s a little trick to this mall. For future reference park In the shaw school parking lot and walk over you will save yourself the hassle of the traffic and have a much easier time just don’t buy anything huge
This is dopey advice don’t follow it
Wow I have done my chistmas shipping there and hit 6 stores and left in less than an hour. If you are dumb enough to shop on a weekend then you deserve what you get. I also drive by this plaza everyday and have never sat in traffic because if this plaza. So find something else to complain about.
Well Dan, some of us have these things called “jobs” that require us to “work” during the week.
Dan – Proud member of the 47%. Or a state worker.
I went the other day and did a Chinese fire dill with my husband so he could run in the store. I parked the car and kept pressing on the brakes just to watch the other people slam on their brakes and put their blinker on to wait for my spot. I had a good chuckle out of it.
Why they have cops here directing traffic when it’s not the holidays, is beyond me.
Cops lining their pockets that’s why
The cops there are actually okay. They know it’s a total clusterfuck and just try to keep the peace.
But in general, Yes, S@BV is a fucking abomination and should NEVER have been built. Horrible design. Even the movie theater lot is an embarrassment, and you’re no even near the actual stores at that point.
There you go again Jake the snake. Bashing the Cops yet again.
Hey – here’s an idea syphilis breath. When some junkie breaks into your house or robs you on the street or anything else that would be considered a crime against the person or property – don’t dial 911. Deal with it on your own. You don’t need Cops and trust me they don’t need you. You hate Cops so much so why turn to them when your sorry ass is in a jam?
I’m sure the Cops could give a flying fuck about fucknuts like you anyway but they will do their job in spite of you. Asshole.
the developer chose to pay for details rather than constructing a multi million dollar exit directly onto 146, each store pays towards the detail costs as a condition of their lease
It makes sense but in the event of a fire or some other sort of disaster, anyone up there is SCREWED.
When, not if.
In the case of an emergency they can open the other exit at the rear of the malls
Ooooor…you could just spend half the time and go the the Barnes & Noble and Paper Store in Worcester and quitchabichen.
Because everyone’s Christmas list is just books and flower printed purses?
That’s what I did. Lincoln plaza. At least 4 ways in and out!
Think of people like me who lives in town and can’t get off the highway to get home. We have learned stay away from that part of 146 ughh
What did the town get out of this other than the cops making a killing in OT.
It once took me TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS to get from the store “wine nation” back to 146 because the entire plaza was gridlocked due to the traffic lights. I almost committed suicide in my car.
The place is literally a war zone. Gangbanger Central.
That’s what happens when you let public transportation in.
Lol took me two hours to get from Kohl’s to 146 once. I thought I was going to go fucking crazy.