Hoodrat Heroes

Shrewsbury Gabagoo Gangsta Fresh Out Of Jail After 18 Years For Armed Robbery Immediately Starts $80K GoFundMe So He Can Write Book About Life In The Can

"I Am Turtleboy" now available on Amazon

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:




 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship.

 

This is Thomas Delacruz, AKA Tommy Vendetta, originally from Shrewsbury:

In 2000 Mr. Gabagoo was sentenced to 15-20 years in prison for an armed robbery of a jewelry store.

While in federal prison in Suffield, CT, he made two Facebook pages that someone else updated for him. One as a community page called “Allegedly ‘Not for Nuttin’.” Unfortunately he accidentally made his personal page name “John Smith” and couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

He recently was released from prison, but while locked up he began to write his memoirs, with the intention of publishing a book he was going to sell once he got out of jail. He also began to have someone record his prison phone calls for him, in which he recited the book on tape about what life was like in the can. It’s like a mixture of the Soprano’s and Forrest Gump.

Now that he’s out of the can he’s focused on getting his book up and running. The problem is that you don’t get paid to write a book unless you can sell it, and gangsta gabagoo needs to eat in the meantime. Sadly he missed the birth and evolution of the Internet while in jail, so he hasn’t figured out how all of this works.

Of course one of the first sites he was able to navigate was GoFundMe, and he has started an $80,000 fundraiser to pay his bills while he’s using the hunt and peck method to write his story about where he sat in the prison cafeteria.

He also says he needs money to pay the fees associated with publishing a book, which to my knowledge would be covered by his non-existent publishing company.

This of course proves that a ratchet can be in jail for the entire existence of the Internet, but the second they’re released they instinctively are drawn to Internet panhandling. He didn’t exactly set his sites low either. Mofo is trying to raise $80,000!! Da fuq you gonna do with $80,000 kid? How many Crossfits do you plan on opening?

Sadly for Tommy Vendetta this fundraiser isn’t going as planned. Maybe start a little bit lower next time. Or just get a real job and write your memoirs in your free time. Just a thought.

25 Comment(s)
  • I'm Cornfused
    November 22, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    Was he a fag before he went to prison????? Or is it a “taste” he acquired playing “Hide the sawseege with Leroy????

  • Men who like jewelry
    November 22, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    Italian=Latin. Spanish=Latin. No difference between a Delacruz and Deluca.

  • WeAreFukd
    November 22, 2018 at 7:53 am

    The first thing this wop wanna be will do with the GoFundMe is buy a thick gold chain to complete the top-two-unbuttoned pink Ralph Lauren oxford look.

    You know he faps to “Saturday Night Fever” for sure.

  • Pass the AXE body spray
    November 22, 2018 at 6:37 am

    Jersey Shore called and they want their ambiguously gay bodybuilder identity back. Pop the collars on both you’re shirts and grab your Members Only Jacket… somewhere in Revere you will find respect.
    “Book Deals” aren’t a thing anymore unless you’re already a celeb.

  • Reader
    November 21, 2018 at 9:21 pm

    Of course shell shocker wrote this. I mean, the first thing anyone reading this blog is wondering why is a goomba portrayed with a hispanic last name? You are the worst blogger not named manch, Step your game up man/woman/it.

    • I like she'll shocked tho
      November 22, 2018 at 11:17 am

      Not named Manch bahahaha I think she got the picture I haven’t seen her garbage posted lately

  • Welcome to 2018
    November 21, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Well dude, here’s your crash course on Internet shaming. 

  • Coach
    November 21, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    Where is Steve Levine when you need him? I mean, this guy could have been a bouncer at the front door of the “House of Many Cups.” Probably could have stopped the planned murder that turned into a “home invasion” and then Steve “master Realtor” Levine would not have had to lie to the Po…Po.

    • Coach
      November 21, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      “House of many cums”.

  • Sheesh Kabob
    November 21, 2018 at 3:52 pm

    LOLOLOLOLOL I have been laughing my ass off for an hour over this. He is convinced he is an honest to god Goombah! Maybe he could work as a leg breaker in East Boston for a year or two to get the dough to publish the book. today is Wednesday, I kknow he is home waiting for some Price Spaghetti with meatballs and gravy! Mangia Mangia!

  • I am Jack’s raging bile duct
    November 21, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    His book is going to detail every time (daily for 18 years) he got his shit pushed in by gang members with weaponized aids. Basically an erotic prison novel for juiced out fags that will be sold in he finest gym locker rooms and bath houses.

  • Citypoint
    November 21, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    He was inside more than he was outside.
    His book will be more like a pamphlet.
    How many tales of ass rape can you write about?

    • Duh Warden
      November 21, 2018 at 3:41 pm

      It’s called caged heat erotica and it’s sexy, fucko…

  • JoeMomma
    November 21, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    His book will be titled…”Anal sex, how to take it like a man”

  • Randall Guy
    November 21, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    Bro, do you even lift?

    I’m so old I remember people felt ashamed about being in jail.

  • drop the soap
    November 21, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    If you need cash to write a book, just go rob a jewelry store.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    November 21, 2018 at 12:13 pm

    A little long, but funny. Tommy is the defendent…from Tommy’s appeal:

    The Commonwealth’s theory at trial was that the defendant and two accomplices, James Forte and Edgar Rivera, planned and committed the robbery. Forte was the Commonwealth’s sole material witness, and testified as a result of a plea agreement with the Commonwealth in exchange for a reduced sentence in this case and four other cases. According to Forte, about a week prior to the robbery, he drove with the defendant and Rivera to Shrewsbury in the defendant’s car. They cased the store at night, and the plan was to rob the store the next day. Back at the defendant’s apartment, an argument ensued between Forte and the defendant, during which the defendant struck Forte with a forty-pound dumbbell. That put the robbery plan on ice, but not for long.

    About a week later, according to Forte, the three of them left from Rivera’s aunt’s apartment on Chandler Street in Worcester and drove to a parking lot close to the store. The defendant supplied Forte with a loaded handgun. He had assigned Forte and Rivera as the hold-up men, and he would act as lookout and drive the getaway car that would be parked nearby. There was a

    Page 447

    prearranged escape route for Rivera and Forte to follow to the waiting vehicle. Both of them were to don ski masks. Rivera was supplied with a bag for the loot.

    From the moment Forte and Rivera entered the store, the whole scheme went awry. Forte jumped over a merchandise counter, prompting Bastug to jump from his chair in an attempt to foil the robbery by wrestling Forte to the ground. A random shot was fired as Forte grappled with Bastug. A second errant shot was fired before Forte dropped the gun. Meanwhile, Rivera bagged some jewelry and fled the scene, leaving Forte to fend off Abien and Bastug, who had Forte pinned down. At that point, Forte broke loose and dove through a glass window, ripping off his sweatshirt, ski mask, and sneakers in the process. Once outside, he discovered that his sweatpants had fallen below his knees. So as not to impede his escape, he removed them and in that state of undress, managed to flag down the defendant and Rivera as they were about to drive out of a nearby parking lot. They repaired to Rivera’s aunt’s apartment.

    The next day the defendant’s car was stopped for a minor traffic violation. Forte was inside the car and detained. He was brought to the Shrewsbury police station where he confessed to the robbery and implicated Rivera and the defendant.

    The defendant testified to an alibi and denied that he was involved in the robbery; not only was he not at the scene of the crime, but he played no role in planning or executing it.

  • Tony Bologna
    November 21, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    What are the odds he ends up back in prison? Fuhget about it

    • juror seven esq.
      November 21, 2018 at 2:18 pm

      That passage from the court records reads like something straight out of a three stooges skit. Hit him with a dumb bell. Wait did he then hold out his fingers and tell him to pick two..?

  • Ziggy
    November 21, 2018 at 11:51 am

    LOLOLOL I always thought these “Guidos” were something Hollywood made up. You know the “BadaBing!” Types… But here is a living, breathing, duckfacef asswipe. Right off the boat from the Penile colony! Fucking Chode.

    • Tony Gazzo
      November 21, 2018 at 2:58 pm

      He might have been an Associate at most or maybe just ran in those “circles” but definitely not a made guy, gotta be 100% Paisan for that to ever happen. At least that’s what I heard once…My guess a minor league hood who sold dope and did some pimping but not in the major leagues.

  • Chef Boyardee
    November 21, 2018 at 11:46 am

    With his experiences of tossing salads he could get a job as a chef…

  • Pair of Black Skinny Jeans for Guys, Portland, Oregon
    November 21, 2018 at 11:29 am

    I’m confused. This seems to be a person of hispanic heritage adopting the look and mannerisms of a person of Italian heritage. Is this not a case of cultural appropriation?

  • JohnnyCakes
    November 21, 2018 at 11:15 am

    Tommy… just look at your ass… so round and muscular… you ain’t been skippin’ squat days, I can see that my friend. You been keepin’ it tight in the can? Or the joint? I mean… it just looks so tight. I bet you I couldn’t even get the tip in there. It’s not that I don’t have the length or anything… I totally do. But your ass is just so round. And… muscular. Whatta you say we give it a try? Prove those fellas that say you got your hole all stretched out inside wrong. I bet it’s tight as drum… Hit me up. I’m “JohnnyCakes508” on Grindr.

    • Borat
      November 21, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      His backpussy is like sleeve of wizard 

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It