This is Maddison Hodgdon of Exter, New Hampshire.

In addition to nudes on Snapchat, Maddy has something else to sell the internet as of late – this completely implausible tall tale of harrowing abuse and brutality perpetrated by the Plaistow Police, allegedly for no discernible reason whatsoever.

Seems legit. No hole in that story whatsoever. I, for one, have no trouble at all believing that the police department in a small town in the “Live Free or Die” state of New Hampshire are routinely strolling the sidewalks, streets and alleyways in search of young white girls who forgot to take the tags off their Christmas gifts so they can beat them senseless and skip away. Makes perfect sense. Nothing suspicious here, just ask the “F*** 12” Mafia that came out in full force to buy every bullshit line without question.

The intelligence here is staggering. Feel free to check it out for yourself if you have a few moments and brain cells to spare. It’s really mind-boggling stuff.

Oh, yeah. Definitely happened. All you have to do is show your boobs to get out of trouble, Kelly?

How ironic.

The more that Maddison went on about her story, the more logical, sane and totally plausible it became. First of all, she wasn’t even near a store. It was a desolate back road. So no witnesses.

Makes sense. As for the items with the tags still on, also a perfectly reasonable explanation. They were Christmas gifts. All of them.

All in the same bag, which also still had the tags on, because she was on her way to a sleepover. At like, 21 years old.

Those pesky back roads sleepover bag checkpoints, they’ll get you every time. Tyrants!

She wasn’t charged with anything at all, you guys. But they did keep the items for evidence. Evidence in a crime she wasn’t charged for…..yup.

For someone who most likely shoplifted a ton of stuff, this chick really doesn’t understand how any of this works.

And why were the cops on said back road in the first place? The most logical explanation you could imagine, clearly. Maddison was crying, so the only other person within a twenty mile radius of this otherwise abandoned road called the cops, as most rational people are so inclined to do. Obviously.

But don’t worry guys – she’s not on cocaine.

And she’s a good, honest person. Just ask her.

Sure, she may have gotten herself in trouble before, but she’s completely turned her life around.

She now spends her time sitting in the dark on back roads, with bags full of merchandise with retail tags still attached. What an inspiration.

And if she seems confused, there’s a logical explanation for that, too. She has a concussion.

At least that part is most likely true. Because a little fact checking reveals that Maddison Hodgdon was indeed arrested in Plaistow NH stolen property. She was properly apprehended and take into custody by the Plaistow PD. She was booked and put in a holding cell. She then proceeded to go absolutely nuts in the holding cell. When EMS got there she was ramming herself against the cell wall, which caused this:

She picked

But I do understand why police brutality sounds a little sexier. That’s the reason why, when asked, she couldn’t produce an officer’s name.

And this poor thing, she’s been through a lot. She even gave herself PTSD.

Thots and shares, Maddy. I hope you’re never a victim of your own fake police brutality ever again.