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Spencer Police Department Facebook page: At approximately 1619 hours, Spencer Police received a 911 call stating a male party attempted to rob the Liquor Barn, in the Price Chopper plaza. Officers arrived on scene and gathered information that determined the suspect attempted to steal a bottle of liquor and got into a physical confrontation with the store clerk. The male party then took off on foot towards Main Street. This investigation is ongoing at this time.

Classic Spencer move right there. Graby a bottle of Henny, hide it in your oversized jorts, and try to walk out of the store undetected. Make sure that your Voke-stache remains intact so you can easily blend into the downtown Spencer environment as soon as you leave the building.

I think we can all agree that whoever did this is a ragamuffin who should be arrested and publicly shamed, right? Oh wait, what’s that? A Spencerite has come to this wannabe hoodrat’s defense? You don’t say. Let’s see how she’s gonna justify this one….

Forcing it? What does that even mean?

Oh I see. He’s not “dangerous.” He just goes around robbing liquor stores and getting in fights with the guy behind the register. Got it. Plus, there’s hardly anything wrong with what he did, even ask Gabbie Orne:

Yea, what’s the big deal? Teenagers robbing liquor stores is a right of passage in Spencer. Sure he allegedly works 40 hours a week and could easily just buy his own booze or find one of the many town drunks to buy the booze for him if he’s underage. But why should he have to pay for it? He’s a kid tryna get crunk!!

So Gabbie, do you know who this winner is?

Oh good, you know who he is and you’re not turning him in. You know where a GREAT place to write something like that is? On the Spencer Police Department’s Facebook page. They’ll never see it there. I guess it’s not surprising that Gabbie ain’t no snitch. After all, she advertises herself as a ride or die chick:

Can we start calling wannabe hoodrats from Spencer “Spangstas?” Because that word just rolls right off the tongue.

Guarantee Gabbie regularly has her Spangsta crew come into the store at Cumby’s and take whatever they want on a nightly basis:

She’s a really nice girl.

But she only dates guys with killer chinstraps.

And it looks like she is very happy with her choice in a mate:

Sometimes she even signs into her boyfriend’s Facebook account and writes really nice things about small children:

She also has a great business plan for the future:

And most importantly, she is Auburn Strong:

This is why I hate trendy slogans like “Boston Strong.” Because when everyone starts saying it it loses its meaning. This is a girl bragging about how she knows who committed a crime in town but is intentionally withholding information from the police because they are “forcing it.” But don’t worry though, she fully supports the police because she shared an Auburn Strong picture when it was the cool thing to do after Ron Tarentino was killed.

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