Springfield Crotch Loogey Agrees To Meet Up With Turtleboy To Sell Food Stamps After Explaining Through Baby Momma How To Scam The System
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We’ve been slacking on our Food Stamp Friday series, but we’ve got a good one for you today out of the 413……
Amazing. And his Facebook name is “Bikelife.” What are the odds we’re gonna find the headware of champions when we go to his Facebook page?
As if it was ever in doubt.
It was almost as much of guarantee that the dog filter would make an appearance
Bonus ratchet points for the Air Jordan phone.
Next thing you know you’ll tell me that his Facebook page is littered with selfies of him flashing a hoodrat 401K
Or more Jordan selfies
Or bathroom selfies that incorporate the dog filter
Jesus dude, what are you selling these food stamps for? How bout you use the stamps for, ya know, food? Eat something for crying out loud. This isn’t Somalia, where you die of hunger on accident. You’re making a conscious choice to starve yourself to death.
Anyway, this crotch loogey somehow is eligible for government assistance despite being able to afford the most expensive sneakers on the market, along with iPhones
Hennessy birthday cakes
and of course a never ending supply of blunts to the dome
Oh, and he might be a ghettobunny trend setter because he’s not only rocking the Chicago Bulls flat brimmed, he’s also rocking the Chicago Bulls unregistered handgun:
Anyway, we wanted to set up the buy so we messaged Mr. Bikelife. Let’s see how things went….
Amazing. He needs the money to pay his bills. We’re giving this able bodied male 19 year old free government assistance that he doesn’t need so that he can “pay his bills.” And by that he means, get the iPhone 10, the newest pair of Jordan’s, and a half pound of shwagg from Diego.
But please, tell me how rare food stamp abuse is. We hardly ever see it.
And those voicemails he left? It’s him, speaking through his baby momma (who is feeding him a how-to session on food stamp abuse while he’s talking to us), explaining how to scam the system:
“All you need is your social security, birth certificate, and a reason why you’re not able to manage to buy food.”
After that he explained exactly how Uncle Turtleboy would be using an EBT card that did not belong to me….
“I can show you at the store that the card works, and then you bring me the card back if you want, or I can go with you. And we can go to a store or something. I’ll walk from West Springfield and I’ll meet you up to give you the card and then I’ll go to my Grandma’s or something and wait for you.”
Oh yea, it’s not like it’s common knowledge in the hood about how to rip off the system. You literally just need a name, a pulse, and any bullshit reason about why you can’t afford to pay for your own food. You don’t need any sort of proof or evidence, and they’re certainly not gonna look into your Facebook page to see all the other stuff you’re able to afford. This is Massachusetts. They just give you the check because suggesting that food stamp abuse is problematic won’t help politicians like Jamie Eldridge get elected. Then you can sell your card, even though it’s got your name on it, and vendors will accept it anyway because what kind of business owner would turn down free money from the government?
Anyway, he’s supposed to meet us in Springfield at one. I contemplated waiting for him to go down there and then we never show up, but I’d almost rather him read this while riding on the back of someone else’s pegs on a stolen West Springfield bicycle, as he goes to meet up for the drop.