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The State Senate’s Ethics Committee released it’s report on what former Senate President Stan Rosenberg’s ex-husband Bryon Hefner has been up to, and it is WILD!! Let’s check out some of the highlights…..
Rosenberg was aware of Hefner’s inappropriate behavior. The report states that Hefner sent multiple sexually explicit texts to Rosenberg, including one text in 2016 where he stated, “I want to roofie (a Senator) and make a sex tape,” referring to a date rape drug. Rosenberg told investigators that Hefner sent him pictures of naked men that he downloaded from the internet as a joke, and Rosenberg told him to stop.
HAHHAHAHHA!! This is amazing. He sends Stan the Man a text message saying he wants to roofie another State Senator AND make a sex tape with them. The only question is, who is this State Senator? I think I know who the odds on favorite is…..
It’s gotta be Jamie Eldridge right? He’s the perfect candidate. He’s in his mid 40’s or early 50’s, unmarried, big proponent of gay rights, and never seems to be pictured with women. Can you really blame Hefner if he tried to recruit him?
Look, Stan Rosenberg is a disgusting old man from Amherst. No one in the gay community is actually sexually attracted to him. He’s like, 35 years older than Hefner, who is basically his trophy bitch.
Because gold diggers are a thing in the gay community too. And just like with hot chicks, spicy young gay guys like this tend to come with some baggage. It’s the price you pay, and you know you’re signing up for it when you go for a younger model. You want a drama free lifestyle? Go for someone your own age. But Stan wanted the young buck, so now he’s gotta live with the consequences.
Rosenberg knew that the guy he was married to was a P-town pork peddler, but he thought he could change him. He thought he could reign him in. Which is why he put up a “firewall”:
In 2014, after Hefner posted disparaging comments on social media about outgoing Senate President Therese Murray, Rosenberg said he maintained a “firewall” between Hefner and his work in the Senate. The report found that the firewall was ineffective.
Ummmm…..what does that even mean? A firewall? You can’t cage a serial bum bandit. They are meant to be free at the end of the day. Stan Rosenberg is like every woman who’s ever thought to herself, “I can change him”…..
Hefner on one occasion berated a Senate staffer with inappropriate racist comments. The staffer told Rosenberg, who said he would do everything he could to prevent Hefner from engaging in similar conduct in the future.
…..only to find out that that’s a tiger in heat can’t change its stripes:
In 2013, Hefner repeatedly touched a Senate staffer’s foot in a social setting, then sent text messages asking for a “sleepover” at the Beacon Hill condo that Hefner and Rosenberg shared. Hefner texted the staffer a photograph of what he said was his penis.
Like I said, you can’t keep a cockpipe cosmonaut from going into outer space. You have to let them blast off. Either Stan Rosenberg was completely naive when he married this guy, or he knew he was gonna bang half of Stonewall and Stan wanted in on the action. I’m going with the latter. How else would Hefner feel comfortable inviting Rosenberg’s appropriately named “staffers” over to their Beacon Hill condo for some pillow party time? Stan the Man lives there. He would’ve found out. There’s no way this hadn’t worked in the past. There’s a 99.9% chance it was orgy central on Beacon Hill. This is just one of the rare times he struck out.
A Senate staff member in 2015 and 2016 said Hefner sent him numerous sexually suggestive text messages. One read, “You weren’t my gift under the Menorah this year. I’m mad at Santa,” and was followed by a text of Hefner sitting shirtless on Santa’s lap.
Talk about bold!! He clearly doesn’t know if these guys are even gay who he’s sending topless pics with Santa to. He’s just kind of throwing it out there to see if he gets any biters (no pun intended). I think based on his overall aggressiveness we can all tell who the bottom is. Spoiler alert – not this guy:
One of the reports of sexual assault came from a policy advocate who said Hefner grabbed the man’s genitals while Hefner propositioned the advocate. Hefner touched the same advocate under the table at a political dinner while the advocate was moderating a discussion.
So just to review. This “policy advocate” (which sounds like a lobbyist) is moderating a political dinner discussion. So I’m trying to imagine this environment. It it’s a formal enough discussion that it requires a moderator, I’m picturing people in suits being waited on. And while this poor policy advocate is trying to let everyone have an equal amount of speaking time, the Hef-dog is grabbing his womb broom underneath the table. That’s gotta be awkward.
And then he kicks it up a notch:
He later asked the advocate to have sex with him in a bathroom. Hefner told the man he had access to Rosenberg.
I mean, you gotta be pretty brazen to ask the policy expert, who might not even swing that way, to go for a quickie on the shitter. Of course he had to throw in that he had “access” to Rosenberg, a very powerful man, which would obviously benefit a guy who was advocating for a certain political policy. He knew exactly the power that his husband had and he used it to try to introduce Puff the one-eyed dragon to some new kingdoms.
This guy redefines what it means to give zero fucks.
But all of this can still be blamed exclusively on Hefner. This can’t:
The report found that Rosenberg gave Hefner access to his Senate email account from 2009 to 2017. Although there is no evidence Hefner influenced Rosenberg’s official actions, the report found that Hefner repeatedly abused his access to Rosenberg’s computer.
He abused his access to a computer? I think we’ve all done that before. Just sayin.
But why the hell would you ever give your knobgobblin husband access to your work email? That’s just dumb. You know who you’re married to. You know nothing good will come of this. Yet Stan did it anyway, because he wanted to keep his trophy husband happy.
Hefner contacted Rosenberg’s staff in 2013 to try to gain funding for a program for at-risk youth that Hefner worked for. Another time, Hefner forwarded an email sent to Rosenberg by a policy advocate to his colleagues at the program, marking it “confidential.”
Oh good, Hefner works with “at risk youth.” What could possibly go wrong with a sexual deviant working with troubled and vulnerable children? Sounds like a great idea.
He did this just last year:
On two occasions in January 2017, Hefner wrote emails pretending to be Rosenberg, trying to set up meetings related to official Senate business. Hefner also criticized and demeaned Rosenberg’s staff. In one case, Hefner texted two staffers from Rosenberg’s phone as if he were Rosenberg, writing, “you’re all still failures for your lack of foresight. … Sometimes the best person for the job is a straight white man.”
This dude’s fucking NUTS man. This is worse then Dianne Kelly pretending to be a cat on Facebook. He hacked his husband’s email and pretended to be the president of the State Senate. Wild. This doesn’t even make any sense either. The best person for the job is a straight white man? Wait….what?
Stan’s got plenty of excuses though:
Rosenberg told investigators that he could not completely wall his spouse off from his work, and he wanted Hefner to have access to his calendar, but he never allowed Hefner to influence his decisions.
You couldn’t wall him off from your work? Here’s an idea – don’t give him access to your email. That might be a good start.
Charlie Baker and Maura Healey have both demanded that Rosenberg resign. When you’re a democrat and Maura Healey turns on you, you know you done fucked up. This is a woman who backed up Moses Dixon while he was running for State Rep, even after we revealed that Dixon had previously been arrested for beating the shit out of his girlfriend. Not a good sign for Stan the Man.
But will he resign? I’m thinking he kind of has to at this point. But then again, Roy Moore refused to step down after a billion girls claim he violated them because he felt like there was no way Alabama wouldn’t elect a Republican. He was wrong, but Rosenberg’s seat in Amherst is way safer than Moore’s was in Birmingham.
I’m kind of hoping he doesn’t resign, just to see what happens when he runs again. He represents the People’s Republic of Amherst. You would think it’s virtually impossible for a Republican ever to come out of his district. And quite frankly I’d love nothing more than to see him go up against some Trump diehard. It will be the ultimate popsicle headache for Amherst liberals, and it will reveal once and for all how full of shit they are. Make no doubt about it – Rosenberg would win. Because at the end of the day his pussy hat wearing, Me Too shouting band of supporters don’t actually care about sexual harassment. They care about party politics, which is why someone like Stan Rosenberg becomes Senate President in the first place.