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Suck-Out-Loud Umass Amherst Coach, Mark Whipple, Said “Rape” And Is Now Considered The Next Hitler

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In the dumbest turn of sportsball events I’ve seen in a while, Umass Amherst coach Mark Whipple has been suspended without pay because while bitching about the officiating of the game on Saturday he said  the team was “raped”.

Was the whole damn team actually raped? No, that’s why I used the word in quotations. Was the usage of the word in good taste? Also no, but why suspend the guy without pay over that when there are so many other things to suspend his ass for? A good “Hey, maybe not say shit like that, at least during interviews” probably would’ve sufficed. Whipple using “rape” to describe what he felt was bullshit officiating on the field had no bearing on the game and was his opinion. Did Whipple say the word rape on the field? NO. So why is he getting disciplined for it? Oh right:

I’m not about to launch into the whole Kavanaugh thing, I feel like Unc is doing a good job with that one. Just know that I don’t think he actually did anything. I feel like something may have happened somewhere, maybe, but not that he was the one to do it. That’s just my opinion. The opinion I’m entitled to since the last time I checked this was America, bitch.

Coaches have said far worse shit than this upon losing:

I thought it was (pause) MAC got their revenge on us, officiating-wise — the worst I’ve ever been a part of. I’ve been in the SEC, I’ve been in the NFL and I’ve never seen anything so bad: six holds against none until at the end. … We had a chance there with 16 down and they rape us, and he picks up the flag,

The man felt like they had a chance there (not really), something precious to them and the best word this particular failure of a man could put into use was “rape”. Now, he’s suspended for it. He should have just been suspended for sucking. Yeah, he lead the team to 5 winning seasons…between 1998 and 2003. The man has sucked out loud since 2014 when he took over as head coach, leading them to be 14-40. That’s why he should be suspended, or even just let go.

I guess this means we can’t use “holocaust” in the event of a nuclear war breaking out. Both words mean something very, very bad having happened to a great number of people and are two of the shittiest things that can happen…so, they’re off-limits now. Except that we can still use “holocaust”. This shit makes no God damned sense.

Contextually, there’s absolutely nothing shocking about what the man said. Unless you consider the word rape to be actual rape, which so many fucking people do at this point that it’s starting to drive me a little insane. Whenever my Auntie calls me and keeps me on the phone for 3 hours and I have to fake my battery dying, am I not allowed to refer to that as “being ear raped by Aunite”!? Because I don’t care if I’m allowed or not, I’m still saying it. I love you, Auntie…but stop ear raping me and half the family. And your cat, you fucking sicko.

What I couldn’t believe was the apology this guy had to dish out. It was as if he was apologizing for committing an actual sexual assault:

I am deeply sorry for the word I used on Saturday to describe a play in our game, It is unacceptable to make use of the word ‘rape’ in the way I did and I am very sorry for doing so. It represents a lack of responsibility on my part as the leader of this program and a member of this university’s community, and I am disappointed with myself that I made this comparison when commenting after our game.

UGH. Come on! I haven’t seen that kind of guilt since Didi’s followers owed her reparations. This pussified planet we now live in dictates that if you even so much as say that word in private to your best friend in a context that doesn’t include sexual assault, you have to go on television the next day and issue an apology to the entire universe. If you’re not “disappointed” in yourself or “very sorry” for doing so, you’re garbage. In fact, even if you are both of these things, you’re still garbage because you used a very common English language word in a common fashion. Shame on you.

I’m not judging a book by its cover, although I totally am and this cover reads “I need to be told that I can’t say that stuff because someone might get offended” because obviously this is the face of a guy who doesn’t give a fuck:

And that’s really what this boils down to, he shouldn’t have to give a fuck. He isn’t paid to be politically correct, he’s paid to suck at coaching. BUT someone might be offended. Hell, several someones might even be offended and the next thing you know a bunch of protesters are tearing up the newly named Rape Field and boycotts of the Rape Team are happening. Fuck outta here. There are so many worse things happening on this planet and people really need to remove the sticks from their triggered little asses. An old guy was mad his team lost and he said something that was in slightly poor taste. Get over it.

This isn’t even about an awful coach or the team. This is about the censorship and the pussification of America. This is what constitutes a “real problem” in our country which has to be the most privileged thing I’ve ever heard of. Fuck that. This is why I will never get tired of Turtleboy Sports. You’re not ever going to find censorship here. This is where you come for the unfiltered truth, even if it means having to let you know that both myself and Uncle Turtleboy think your favorite coach sucks balls. Sorry, not sorry. This. Is. AMERICA!

8 Comment(s)
  • Sonny's Mom
    October 1, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    Americans are getting sick of this .

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    October 1, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Cry me a fucking river! There is nothing wrong with what he said taste or no taste. Manchester Turtlette, we don’t need snowflakes like you here at TBS.

  • KJDS
    October 1, 2018 at 10:45 am

    The musical, “The Fantasticks”, has a song called “Rape”. It’s quite a good song, and it uses the definition of rape that is about abduction, not a sexual act. However, in recent years, productions have eliminated or changed the song so as not to trigger unsuspecting SJWs. It’s rather sad, considering the musical was written in 1960, and still is in production. Also, the coach’s use of the word was not inconsistent with its definition.

    rape (rāp)►
    n. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.
    n. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.
    n. Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.

  • Ohperson
    October 1, 2018 at 10:24 am

    Coach, if only you said this, you’d be a SJW Hero today:

    “We had a chance there with 16 down and they use their patriarchal privilege, cisgenderism, horizontal oppression, and xenophobia against us, and he picks up the flag”

  • ncfoothillbilly
    October 1, 2018 at 10:16 am

    He was just being rapacious.

  • BH Obama
    October 1, 2018 at 10:06 am

    Looks like we’re going to have to start changing definitions of words!

    All part of my plan.

  • P. Niss
    October 1, 2018 at 9:53 am

    Reminds me of that social media episode of The Orville where one of the crew gets arrested for offending people and has to go on TV for an apology tour. If the people believe his apology he gets go go about his life but if they think he’s lying they lobotomize him.

    That’s how social justice works. There are 0 defined crimes in social justice. All you have to do is piss enough people off which makes what you did a social crime, then you’re forced to go on a apology tour.

  • GoUM
    October 1, 2018 at 9:11 am

    UMass Amherst, not Lowell.

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