COVID spreads in places like Lawrence because ghetto folk don’t do social distancing. And when it finally cracks 80 degrees and all the guttermuppets head north to Hampton Beach, they’re not gonna socially distance there either. Same goes for Hampton Beach Jr. AKA Salisbury Beach, were some saucy senoritas did velociratchet things today. (skip the first minute or so if you wanna cut through the hoodrat negotiations of the rules of engagement)
I think the question we all wanna know the answer to is, who stole whose buy one get one half off Planned Parenthood coupon?
The only living creature in that video that anyone was remotely worried about, and I mean ONLY living creature, was that poor dog. Admit it, the whole time you were just watching that dog and hoping that one of these fertility fartboxes didn’t crush the poor thing.
Of course the matriarch of the family was the one urging both of them to settle their differences by pulling each other’s hair and arguing over which one knew how to spell GED without using Google.
Because God forbid the adult in this situation attempts to diffuse the tension, or urge both parties to just move on with their lives. Everything has to be settled with fighting so that it can be established who the baddest bitch on the boardwalk was on this particular Wednesday.
The fight itself was your typical chick fight. As soon as the hair pulling starts the fight’s already over and neither party can win. I don’t know women can’t just punch each other in the face like the old days, but this is literally the first thing women do when they fight now, and it ruins the sport of it all.
If I had to pick a winner I’d have to go with San Juan Sandy (the blonde skinny one), because she had great form, knew how to use her center of mass, hooked the right leg around to trip Thicky Martin up, and overcame a 15-20 pound weight disadvantage.
Plus, the four referees whose only rules were, “yo fuck that bitch up,” “drop her shit,” and “the dog don’t get anything to do with it,” were clearly biased towards Thicky Martin and pulled San Juan Sandy off of her when she finally had her pinned.
Meanwhile this poor guy was just standing there thinking, “which one am I impregnating?”
I think we can all agree that our first guess on nation of origin for these fine creatures was Lawrence, but our second guess would probably be Lowell or Haverhill. The correct answer was indeed Lowell. Meet Thicky Martin, Neyleisha Marquez.
She don’t got no time for no fake ass crips.
Nor does her sister Nylisha (yes, that’s right – the woman who fired these two out of her baby cannon named them Neyleisha and Nylisha, presumably because she ran out of food stamps to buy vowels), who filmed the whole ordeal.
Sometimes the blogs just write themselves.
You know you’ve got life by the balls when one of the first things I see on your Facebook page is “RIP Young King” with a dead guy in heaven giving me the middle finger in Jordan’s.
1,000% chance t-shirts were made for the wake, and copious amounts of Henny bottles were left in remembrance.
Neyleisha is a big fan of standing in bathrooms alone and taking selfies of her big fat ass so that the menfolk will know exactly where to stick it.
Notice the comment from Lee Rodriguez, AKA Grandma. This is what Grandmother’s look like in Lowell.
Actually, make that great grandma, because Thicky Martin reproduced already.
I didn’t realize the Salter School held formal graduations, but I learn something new every day.
San Juan Sandy is Isis Dominguez from Haverhill.
She swears she didn’t show up to the beach to fight, it just kind of happened.
The only loser here today were the taxpayers, who once again will pick up the bill for 99% of the people you saw in that video. But at least the dog wasn’t hurt. That’s all that really matters.
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