Super Stoner Smashley Tastefully Uses Friend’s Suicide As Perfect Excuse To Internet Panhandle For Ganja

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Meet Ashley Rose Christensen.

Smashley here decided what better time to try to hit up her friends for free weed than while sharing her friend’s GoFundMe for burying his ass. Keep in mind, this was not her boyfriend who died. It was her friend’s GoFundMe, in her friend’s name, and she was attempting to get free shit out of it. I swear to the Big Guy In The Sky, bish was all “Anyone smoke me out? I’m sad cause my friend’s boyfriend is dead.”.

DM only, because she’s classy. I really don’t get why she was hitting people up for free MMJ while sharing this considering the fact that she obviously has no shortage of Mary Jane.

For Christ sake, look who she’s friends with:

Tommy Chong. If you’re hanging out with Chong and you can’t afford to buy your own weed…..alright you’re kind of like most of the stoners I know.

Don’t get me wrong, guys. I love my weed, always have. I’m a parent of a girl going through puberty at full speed. A who girl was crying because we didn’t have the ingredients for pancakes this morning. Puberty- pancakes=mommy needs a toke or two because you’re fucking crazy. If this is any indication of the next few years, I’m building a bunker in the backyard complete with a fully stocked bar (I also like my gimlets), a bunch of Red Dragon to puff on and Cheetos. I will retreat to this bunker every time I see a tampon wrapper in the trash or sense a good old-fashioned female teenager whateverthefuck crying binge coming on. Word to my son for not having ovaries and making mom’s life a nightmare (hi, Bubby!). The Buddha has been my buddy for many, many years. Always used responsibly (never when driving, not while alone with small children, never while pregnant, real life comes first) and never taken for granted (stems and seeds are the saddest things to look at).

I’ve also accepted that my kids will someday try it and have discussed with them the risks of smoking before your brain is fully formed and told them not to be fucking stupid if they decide to experiment before then. For instance, not getting online and announcing how spaceballs to the wall high you are or go looking for dat fiah! Nowadays, you see these kids with the fire emoji, tryna get their Afroman on without a care in the world. That’s dumb for two reasons. 1) in many parts of the great US of A, that sticky shit is still illegal. 2) If you like your bud and can’t find it in 2 phone calls, you’re really, really bad at being a stoner and you should just leave that part of the population to the rest of us. You don’t belong here, see ya at the liquor store, losah!

I can’t get over the balls on this chick. Somebody get her a wheelbarrow to carry them Bad Larries around in, her back must be killing her! I guess this might be some clue as to why she felt it appropriate, though. This is basically what she posts all day, every day.

Kinda interested in that last one…Give me a call, Smash! However the next is concerning…

Bull. Shit. There’s literally no such thing as “too high”! Rent may be too damn high, but in no galaxy has anyone ever been too high. If you think you’re too high, here’s two options for ya: go take a fucking nap or pass the blunt to the n word on yo left.

I know I said I’d never use racial slurs, but it’s Jimmy. Come on…

Perhaps I’m missing something? Maybe this particular group of friends is just that open? Mayyyybe

The “canna-community?” Really? Ok, I like bud, have friends who like bud and occasionally read High Times, too. But there’s no such thing as the canna-community. We all like pot. It’s great. But if weed is  your entire life, and it’s what defines your community, you smoke entirely too much weed. I’m pretty sure that is like, the definition of addiction. If every aspect of your life points to one thing and one thing only, you might have a problem. For instance…

She has a Facebook page dedicated to eating weed. I have to admit the stuff she posts looks damn good, or that’s just a side effect of trying to cope with young “lady” hormones.


Oh, what’s this now?

Now you’re speaking to my soul.

Does this chick like weed or something?

First stop for the toke train? The girl who just lost her guy to suicide. That’s as close to a law as you can get. Never have I ever been with someone who just lost their important someone to whatever cause that I didn’t immediate ask is they would like to rip on the spliff. But we’re talking about a chick who’s Facebook intro is this:

“Master budtender.” I remember the first time I got high.

And peep the necklace….

I instantly recognized this as the molecular makeup of THC

Do you like to smoke pot or something? Girl, you so edgy!!

I’m closing my argument on how stoned Ashley is with this:

She went to see Aaron Carter last year. The only people in attendance of that concert were 30-something year olds who just can’t let the dream that they’re still 14 years old die, and people who were so high that Aaron Carter sounded good to them. That’s it, there are literally no actual Aaron Carter fans. Case closed.

I would like to also touch upon the GoFundMe itself…

I really do feel bad for this chick who lost her mate. And I have no problem with the GoFundMe itself. If there’s ever a legit reason to start a GFM, it’s to bury somebody you didn’t think was going to die so suddenly, and suicides are the most sudden cause of death. Usually, you literally just saw that person smiling an hour before and now you’re blindsided by the fact that they’re dead. And of course Smashley Rose decided to try to get free shwag out of it.


Who got dat fiah!? or on Twitter @MTurtlette.

4 Comment(s)
  • Real_Finn
    June 17, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    “Bull. Shit. There’s literally no such thing as “too high”! Rent may be too damn high, but in no galaxy has anyone ever been too high.”

    Uh…. does that include edibles? Asking for a friend. 😉

    • June 17, 2018 at 8:14 pm

      Haha! I’ve never personally had an edible, but I have heard it can happen! So, again, I guess you have a point Finn. Or rather, your friend does!

  • The Vorlon
    June 16, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    OK, I know this will toast some noses, but let’s test these morons, and when their pee comes back dirty, put them on a register, so there is no Mass Health for them, no Section 8, or any other form of assistance. I just can’t see any way for Cloud Maven to be a productive member of society. I would say exile them to Long Island, but Quincy would be sighting in the Salem’s big guns.

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