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  • Sweatpants Sanchez Fresh Out Of Jail Is Selling Food Stamps On Facebook, Getting Chinstrap Touched Up, Looking For A Nice Girl

    Sweatpants Sanchez Fresh Out Of Jail Is Selling Food Stamps On Facebook, Getting Chinstrap Touched Up, Looking For A Nice Girl

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    It’s raining food stamps in Worcester:

    Ayo, finna be on Turtleboy, ya heard?

    Derek Hale is from Leominster but resides in the Woo now. And he’s got big plans for the year:

    “To all of you that doubted me watch this is gonna be my year, watch this come up.”

    And by “gonna be my year” he means, “I’m gonna sell food stamps for at least 75% face value. Show you rookies how it’s done!!

    As you can see in his New Year’s resolution, he was incarcerated this year, and seems to have been released somewhat recently:

    Once again, “this year yall are gonna see a brand new Derek.” He’s not robbing or dealing drugs or whatever got him locked up the first time around. He’s a changed man now, and he’s gonna stick to selling food stamps full time. An honest hoodbooger living if I’ve ever seen one. 

    At least this part was accurate:

    “And honestly no offense to anybody but im about to try and make this year about me and my needs instead of everybody elses need.”

    Oh yea, we got that dude. Those stamps are paid for by the taxpayers. They’re not supposed to go to able bodied males who should be working. But yet here you are selling them anyway, because your needs are more important than anyone else’s.

    Here’s a question – why is an abled bodied male on food stamps in the first place? Probably because of this:

    Oh good, he reproduced. It’s almost like these gutterslugs have been incentivized to spread their seed around. Easiest way to get that EBT card.

    He’s obviously focusing on the right things in life, such as perfecting the bathroom flat brimmed selfie:

    Covering himself in lube

    Rocking the freshest outfits in the projects

    Play time with special friends

    Acquiring caged dogs

    Getting that chinstrap touched up

    Investing in Newport 100’s and marijuana flat brimmed hats

    And of course blunts to the dome.

    Oh, and he’s single ladies and gentlemen, which is shocking because one of his female friends told him that he’s a nice guy:

    And that’s all that really matters to most decent women – are you a self described “nice guy?” They don’t care if you haven’t showered in a fortnight or if you just got out of County, or if your primary profession is online food stamp salesman. None of that matters as long as you’re “nice.”

    Man, this food stamp abuse stuff sure is “rare.” Luckily we get messages from people who work in the DTA office all the time letting us know that they frequently use our blog as a source to cut leeches like this off from the public titty.

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    1. Brush em brush em brush emmmm

      Is he brushing his teeth with the toothbrush or that cig that’s resting underneath it? Or is he using the one underneath that one that he already smoked and put out with water????? INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW THIS.

      1. CanYouNOT

        Notice the juggalo tattoo… what a tool

      2. Reflection Jones

        Derek is a good boy. He is just a victim of circumstance. Hoe else can a high up and clean McDonald’s crewman get ahead? EBT don’t pay for the blunts man, Ronald McDonald has that covered. EBT goes towards his little seeds, because Derek is keeping it realz. Come on TBS, give a MAN a break, he’s just trying to get by in a hard ass world getting ready to build walls to make it harder for peeps to live the dream. Do not stand in his way, because he is right man, 2018 is going to be Derek’s year man. You watch, Amanda McManus and Derek will be turtleboys by Dec 31, 2018.

      3. TortugaNino

        I’m still trying to figure out what the epically failed tattoo outline on his chest says. I know its something gangster, the “W” appears to be attempted in block lettering!! my money is on “We out chyea” whatever the fuck that means.

        1. #thattattoosucksnuts

          I made out the word “Wild” and that’s about all I can see, I figured it said child, but there’s no “e” at the end of child. Then again he does have an ICP tat on his arm, so chances are he spelled child as “childe”

          1. TortugaNino

            Maybe he’s just a Hendrix fan? “chile”??

      4. Bill

        Quit smoking weed and get a job and this WILL be your year! EVERY (and I mean EVERY) business hiring RIGHT NOW. Stop scamming the system and walk away from your past. People DO change. You only need to change 3 things: The people you hang out with, the places you go and the things that you do. Put down the jibber and walk into a meeting tonight.

        1. The Future Is Now

          Yeah – let’s legalize pot. Keep us taxed and sedated.

          MA has the highest per capita spending on the Lottery (includes number drawings, scratch tix, and Keno). Just a tax on the stupid and desperate.

          Building casinos ‘cuz, “We need more $$$ to buy votes”.

          Elected a murderer and a fake Indian to the US Senate.

          One of the few states that is LOSING population. Soon to be a sanctuary state to replace the outflow of makers with takers.

          Ignore SCOTUS on 2nd Amendment. Illegals have more rights than taxpayers.

          And we are one of the bluest (liberal) states in the country.

          The lemmings will never own up to what they’ve done to our chldrens’ futures.

          1. yo

            ain’t nobody got time for your diatribe

    2. Steven Stover

      This is gonna be the year. You mean that he gets a job?

    3. Snitch


      Back to county he goes.

    4. Leominster Pro

      People want to know what the tattoo is? This is a classic case of starting a 5-10 year bid tattoo when you were only doing 6-12 months. See it all the time. Also, a classic case of the Leominster school system failing a real ass brother once again. Never ever plan out a 5-10 stretch tat when you’re only doing a year bid tops, unless your gang inside pipes you to do a Aryan smack down and you buy sometime within. Man can’t count, don’t hold it against’m.

    5. Urban Democrat

      Trump dont gimme no free sell phonez

      dat rasiss

    6. On the TLC Tip

      The poor kid is forced to wear his old man’s hand me down baggy sweats & jeans from the 90s. Cut him some slack.

    7. whatevuh

      crewman at McDonalds and he’s how old? There’s a big fucking career move for ya Can we all spell L-O-S-E-R ?

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