Sweatpants Sanchez Fresh Out Of Jail Is Selling Food Stamps On Facebook, Getting Chinstrap Touched Up, Looking For A Nice Girl
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It’s raining food stamps in Worcester:
Ayo, finna be on Turtleboy, ya heard?
Derek Hale is from Leominster but resides in the Woo now. And he’s got big plans for the year:
“To all of you that doubted me watch this is gonna be my year, watch this come up.”
And by “gonna be my year” he means, “I’m gonna sell food stamps for at least 75% face value. Show you rookies how it’s done!!
As you can see in his New Year’s resolution, he was incarcerated this year, and seems to have been released somewhat recently:
“this year yall are gonna see a brand new Derek.”He’s not robbing or dealing drugs or whatever got him locked up the first time around. He’s a changed man now, and he’s gonna stick to selling food stamps full time. An honest hoodbooger living if I’ve ever seen one.
At least this part was accurate:
“And honestly no offense to anybody but im about to try and make this year about me and my needs instead of everybody elses need.”
Oh yea, we got that dude. Those stamps are paid for by the taxpayers. They’re not supposed to go to able bodied males who should be working. But yet here you are selling them anyway, because your needs are more important than anyone else’s.
Here’s a question – why is an abled bodied male on food stamps in the first place? Probably because of this:
Oh good, he reproduced. It’s almost like these gutterslugs have been incentivized to spread their seed around. Easiest way to get that EBT card.
He’s obviously focusing on the right things in life, such as perfecting the bathroom flat brimmed selfie:
Covering himself in lube
Rocking the freshest outfits in the projects
Play time with special friends
Acquiring caged dogs
Getting that chinstrap touched up
Investing in Newport 100’s and marijuana flat brimmed hats
And of course blunts to the dome.
Oh, and he’s single ladies and gentlemen, which is shocking because one of his female friends told him that he’s a nice guy:
And that’s all that really matters to most decent women – are you a self described “nice guy?” They don’t care if you haven’t showered in a fortnight or if you just got out of County, or if your primary profession is online food stamp salesman. None of that matters as long as you’re “nice.”
Man, this food stamp abuse stuff sure is “rare.” Luckily we get messages from people who work in the DTA office all the time letting us know that they frequently use our blog as a source to cut leeches like this off from the public titty.