Meet Sam Atherton, a level 5 inbox creeper from the slumtastic wasteland of Taunton.
He’s single, ladies. And ready to mingle. He may be, dare I say, Taunton’s most eligible bachelor. Which is sort of like being the smartest kid at your home school, but hey, it’s something, right?
Just look at the panty-dropping smooth talk on this ladykiller.
Wow! Is it hot in here, or did Sam just light a box of kittens on fire? He also handles rejection really, really well.
But hey, if unsolicited verbal abuse isn’t your thing, that’s ok. He’s also a total crooner. Just look at how he blew the judges over at American Idol away a few years ago.
What. A. Fucking. Lunatic. Just think ladies, you could be the lucky one to wake up to this face every morning.
He’s also a total keyboard bad ass, who really reacts appropriately when confronted about bothering random women online.
Be still my pulsing flaps! What a casa-NO-va!
And, oh, yeah….he might be the kind of creep who masturbates in ice cream trucks while eyeballing the neighborhood children.
Or he may just have uncontrollable foot fungus. Maybe both!
“The courts will decide whether it was a lewd sexual act or simply a severe case of athlete’s foot.
A Mister Lemon Frozen Lemonade truck driver arrested Saturday night — for allegedly masturbating while parked in front of a group of children and parents — was back behind the wheel the next day, according to police and his employer.
Police were called to a Mockingbird Lane residence just before 5:30 p.m. to investigate a complaint that a driver for the lemonade/ice cream truck business had been masturbating while sitting inside his truck in the middle of the quiet, East Taunton suburban drive.
Samuel Atherton, 20, 223 Tremont St., was arrested for open and gross lewdness and arraigned Tuesday in Taunton District Court on two counts.
He was unable to post $2,500 cash bail and is being held at the Bristol County House of Correction until a bail review in Fall River District Court.
Atherton was ordered by a district court judge to stay away from children under 16 and not operate or work on a lemonade truck until the case has been settled in his favor, according to court documents.
He was released after his arrest by an assistant clerk magistrate, according to Taunton Police Chief Edward Walsh.
Walsh said the magistrate determined Atherton was not a flight risk nor an immediate threat to the community at large.
Justin Jennings, owner of the Mister Lemon Frozen Lemonade business, acknowledged that he and Atherton, on Sunday, drove to R&F Motors and paid the $128 required to get the truck out of impound and back on the road.
Genest, a minister for a Middleboro church, told police that he, his wife and other adults, who attended a cookout at his house, had just bought some ice cream and lemonade treats for their children when they noticed Atherton acting strangely.
Genest, 31, told cops that Atherton sat in his truck in the middle of the road with the motor running and its familiar carnival-type music playing for as long as 10 minutes after dispensing the treats.
At one point, he said, they noticed Atherton “bobbing his head up and down” with “an intense look on his face,” all the while vigorously moving his arm and shoulder.
“He would look at us and the children and then look away. I thought ‘Holy Cow, something’s wrong with him — is he having a heart attack?’” Genest said.
He said that he approached the truck and observed Atherton with his hand between his legs moving in a “stroking motion” and his trousers down around his ankles.
When confronted, Atherton allegedly removed a sneaker and said that he had been scratching his foot. Genest said Atherton didn’t become defensive or combative and simply drove off.
Shortly after, Genest was taken by police to nearby Hummingbird Lane, where he identified Atherton, who was selling more lemonade, according to Taunton Police Officer Lori Neves.
Neves notes that she was assisted at the scene by off-duty officer Joseph Bolieiro, who happens to live on the street.
Atherton told cops there had been a misunderstanding with a customer on Mockingbird Lane and that he was scratching his foot because he was “really itchy.”
“He then started scratching his arms and legs saying ‘Look, see I’m itchy everywhere,’” according to the police report.
Neves, in her report, also notes that “once Atherton was back at the station all itching appeared to stop.”
Police also reported finding a pipe and small amount of marijuana in the truck, neither for which Atherton was cited.
At the time of his arrest, Atherton had been on pre-trial probation for a June 2009 domestic assault charge involving his two adult sisters.”
So there you have it, girls. If anyone wants to hook up with a perpetually unemployed former ice cream truck driver once arrest for choking his chicken on the job in front of a group of neighborhood kids, including the family of a minister, look him up. You can find him on any one of his multitude of Facebook profiles, and exchange ALL CAPS SWEET NOTHINGS until you work up the nerve to meet up and possible get stitched into a lampshade. You’re welcome.