Sports

Telegram Glamorizes Worst People Ever, Seahawks Fans In Massachusetts

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Hey look, the Telegram wrote another really stupid story:

Gillette Stadium in Foxboro is less than a half-hour drive from Eliza Schuster and Matt Sharrah’s home in Hopedale. But there’s no question whom the couple will be cheering for on Super Bowl Sunday, and it’s not the team down the road. 

“It looks like the Seahawks pro shop exploded in our living room,” the 27-year-old Ms. Schuster said in an interview. 

Her fiancé, Mr. Sharrah, 29, quipped, “I lucked out convincing Eliza to paint the living room Seahawks blue.” 

The Seattle Seahawks are known for their loyal fans, and Ms. Schuster and Mr. Sharrah’s enthusiasm for the team, even though they’re now living across the continent, shows just how powerful the “12th Man” spirit of Seattle fans is. Ms. Schuster grew up in Princeton and Worcester, graduating from Bancroft School before attending the University of New Hampshire. She claimed to be part of Red Sox Nation. 

But football wasn’t her thing. “I thought a first down was when everybody fell down,” she said.

She had visited the Seattle area, where her father is from, regularly as a child and decided to move there after college. Within three weeks of working in the banking industry in Seattle, she met her husband-to-be, also a banker. Mr. Sharrah had been a Seahawks season ticket holder for many years, before, as he described it, “being dragged out to New England.” 

“It’s a really fun team to love,” Ms. Schuster said about the Seahawks. “They’re grateful, they play hard, but man, they love their fans. Besides how down-to-earth they are, they’re just cool guys. I love learning football through them.”

Comparing the appeal of Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson to the Patriots’ Tom Brady, Ms. Schuster was clearly in Wilson’s camp: “I think he’s cuter. He also doesn’t model for UGG (boots).” 

Ms. Schuster and Mr. Sharrah plan to host a Super Bowl party with about a dozen guests of diverse allegiances at their house. 

“It’s actually a strategic decision,” Ms. Schuster said. “If we have everyone over at our house, with so much Seahawks stuff around, it’s a home-team advantage.” 

She said she would try to sneak as much blue and green into the party as she could, “so everybody will be secretly cheering.”

When asked to compare the two champion quarterbacks, he said: “You’ve got one quarterback that can throw the deep ball with ease, who can work with his feet and turn nothing into something. And then you’ve got Tom Brady.” 

Mr. Sharrah hasn’t been shy about showing his Seattle colors. A Bank of America branch manager, he frequently wore his Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch jersey on casual Fridays. 

“Today I’ve had a lot of customers razzing me about it,” he said. 

Mr. Sharrah said he’s not a betting man, but if he does make a friendly wager, he’ll hedge his bets. He said, “If anything, I’ll put money on the Pats so if the Seahawks win I’ll be happy, and if they lose, I’ll make money.”

Seahawks fans memes

Courtesy of T&G Staff/CHRISTINE HOCHKEPPEL

This is what the Telegram and Gazette does now? They interview carpetbaggers and pink hats? Why? Because apparently a story about a local rich girl from Bancroft who moved to Seattle, married some dooshnozzle, and convinced him to switch form Starbucks to Dunkin Donuts, qualifies as news now.

Seriously though, there isn’t a fan base in all of sports that is faker than Seattle fans. Seattle is useless. We wrote about that city in GoLocalWorcester today. You ever see this stupid thing?

space needle

They built this back in the 60’s when everyone thought Seattle was gonna be the home of the Jetsons. Didn’t work out too well. Now they have a useless one story building that’s a million feet high and serves no purpose. Because everything in Seattle is fake. The hipsters are fake. Everyone drives cars like this:

hippy car

The homeless are fake.

homeless guy Seattle

Join the club pal. The “nice” part of Seattle has vagrant children holding signs for weed money.

homeless kids

Everything about that city is terrible.

There’s only two things people care about in Seattle – technology and feeling bad about themselves. I grew up in the 90’s listening to Grunge music. I look back on it now and think, “what the hell was wrong with me?” That was an entire decade of music that was marketed towards fat kids who didn’t think they’d ever get laid. They glamorized suicide (Jeremy spoke in class today?). And all it does is rain there. No wonder it’s the suicide capital of America. Luckily grunge is over with, but what does Seattle give us now? This dooshnozzle:

macklemore memes

Don’t even get me started on Macklemore. Mister “I support gay marriage now that it’s cool and profitable to write songs about supporting gay marriage.” There is no bigger fraud in music history that Macklemore.

This is what matters to people in Seattle. Don’t let them fool you into thinking that any of them gives a shit about football. If they lose this game they’ll go right back to playing each other in Trivia Crack. If we lose this game none of our kids are gonna eat for a week.

Seriously though, this girl is the worst. At least real, authentic New England babes are invested in their team. This girl represents everything that is wrong with the pink hats. She calls herself part of “Red Sox Nation.” Anyone who does that is a pink hat. She’s from Princeton, one of the richest towns around here. Instead of going to the very excellent Wachusett High School like I did, she goes to Bancroft because apparently they like to burn money. And how did that high school tuition pay off? By getting into New Hampshire’s state school, where she paid full out-of-state tuition for a degree she could’ve gotten from Worcester State for 1/10th the price. She disgusts me.

Oh yea, and any Patriots “fan” who goes to their house to watch the Super Bowl can get the hell out of here too. Because we don’t want you disgracing the greatest fan base known to God. I’d rather die than watch the Super Bowl in a Seahawks fan’s house. I’d rather go to Buffalo again. At least those savages actually care about football.

seahawks fans memes

Then you have the dude. Where do I start? How about the fact that he had the nerve to not only mention Tom Brady and Russell Wilson in the same sentence, but to say that Wilson is better? He couldn’t possibly make it more obvious that his football fandom involves spending $1,000 at the pro-shop and calling himself the 12th man. Then he threw this dumbass comment out there:

They’re grateful, they play hard, but man, they love their fans. Besides how down-to-earth they are, they’re just cool guys. I love learning football through them.”

Hey idiot – no one on the Seahawks loves you. I’m not even dumb enough to think Gronk gives a shit about me. Our relationship is a one-way street. I love him, he loves me not. And they’re “down-to-earth?” Yea Marshawn Lynch, a child in the body of a grown ass man, refuses to answer questions at press conferences because he has the maturity of a two year old, is a really “down-to-earth,” “cool” guy.

And newslflash to this carpetbagger that moved cross country for her – she didn’t drag you anywhere. You came here because it’s better. You came here because it’s the promised land. And how do you show your thankfulness? By defiling this sacred ground with your bandwagon pro-shop gear. Get out of Massachusetts. Get out of New England!! Take your yellow-belly, carpetbagging, no-good keester, and head on back the Oregon Trail where you belong. No one wants you here.

These people don’t get to win. Go Patriots!!

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7 Comment(s)
  • Jessica
    May 20, 2015 at 3:45 am

    Wow. Having lived on both coasts, I’ve see the worst in people, but you are in a class all by yourself. You’re proff that inbreeding is real. Your dad should have pulled out.

    This page isn’t a rant against Seahawk fans, it’s your rant against someone that has had a better life than you. You decide to tear her down because every time you look in the mirror you want to commit suicide. You google “what’s wrong with…” just so you can find the absolute worst. I’d tell you to do the opposite, but because you live in such a shit-hole, you have no idea how to look at anything positively.

    For you future knowledge, the Seahawks have never been blacked out in the Seattle area, and have less than 10 games that haven’t sold out.

    Over the last decade your teams have disappointed you by winning championships. How can you sit in the corner, and continuously regurgitate how your “storied” franchises always come up short. You are the worst kind of fan, you can’t appreciate your team winning unless you put someone else down. Thanks for making New Yorkers look good, douche.

  • dkp
    February 3, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    For a second d I thought she was the seahawks mascot… they both got the same beak and I’ll bet it’s red today from weeping..

  • Tony
    January 31, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    “There is no bigger fraud in music history that Macklemore.”

  • NoComment
    January 31, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    I want to know how T&G found out about them. Does someone who works there know them? Did a friend or neighbor call the paper to tell about them? Did they call and tell about themselves?

    I’ve lived outside of New England before. And if ever the local paper came to me saying they wanted to do a story about how I’m living there as a Pats fan, I would have so “No f’n way.” Youre only gonna look like a dork, nobody will think it’s cool, even people back home.

  • Jay
    January 31, 2015 at 9:52 am

    The irony that two Seahawks fans are living in Hopelessdale. At least Joe Perry was smart enough to get out of there to NH, co-found Areosmith, and contribute some not so depressing music as what Seattle gave us. The place is like the People’s Republic of Cambridge and Amherst on steroids. Maybe God is sending the hippies there a message by dumping that much water on them.

  • shannonmac
    January 30, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    “I thought a first down was when everybody fell down,” she said.
    I just vomited… seriously, why do people think being stupid is cute. Newsflash, it’s not!

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      January 30, 2015 at 11:58 pm

      Seriously. If you don’t know something, just say you don’t fucking know. Don’t come up with some lame-ass, bullshit, cutsey answer that you think will be funny. Because the rest of us will just be barely containing our disdain for you.

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